The Power of Resilience: Bridget Truxillo's Fight against Workplace Injustice

Jerry: 0:04

Hi everyone and welcome to this week's episode of Enduring the Badge Podcast. I'm your host, Jerry Dean Lund, and I don't want you to miss an upcoming episode. So please hit that subscribe button and, while your phone is out, please do me a favor and give us a review on iTunes or our Apple Podcast. It says, hey, this podcast has a great message and we should send it out to more people. So please take that 30 seconds to a minute to do that review and just maybe by doing that it will push this up into someone's podcast feed that really needs this message. Number one I'm super excited to announce that I've teamed up with an incredible person, and that person is Dr Tia White. She is a public safety, wellness and empowerment specialist. Together, we have combined our knowledge and expertise to create a five day training course. Now that training course, you can attend different days of that training course, whichever ones fit you, but day one would be peer support and how to structure that and get your team up and running and maybe some of the legalities about that. Days two, three and four are going to be about advanced wellness and sleep and finances and family dynamics and diet and nutrition Complete first responder. For more details. My very special guest today is known as Lady Law sheild and she has been on the podcast before. Bridget is an amazing person. She has first responder experience in law enforcement and, to be one of the few women I personally know that it's been on a SWAT team which says a lot about Bridget. She is an incredible person. She has a wellness program to help you get in the habit of wellness. But today we're going to talk about something completely different and that's when something is really not going right at work and maybe you're feeling that you're not being treated fairly and how that can affect your mental health. We're also going to talk about if you need help with dealing with that. Bridget specializes in that and you know if you're going through that, i think you should reach out to her because, as a first responder, i think we put up with a lot of crap that we really don't need to and we just go through our career thinking that we have to suffer in silence over some of these things and we don't. We don't have to do that. So let's jump into this episode with my very special guest, bridget. Tell the audience a little bit about yourself.

Bridget: 2:39

Yeah, so Bridget trucks hello. The last thing is usually tricky for people. I well. Last time we were together we talked about the wellness side of my business, which still exists. It's called protective wellness, which I developed, and there's a lot of wellness resources out there, so find one that works for you Mine. The way I designed it was to help law enforcement and first responders figure out what wellness means for you, so creating your own definition. But then I help guide the specific areas to incorporate into a wellness plan and it's a seven week course that you do a little bit each week and by the end of it you will have defined what it means for you, started doing a little bit within each one of the wellness realms and so by the time it's over, accidentally, you've already started incorporating more into like a regular wellness routine. So that's still there. It's called wellness basic training. But then I'm also an attorney, so I was former deputy sheriff, i was in patrol and I quickly went into under cover narcotics and I was on SWAT team, and because I was on SWAT team, i left law enforcement and now have a. I've been an attorney for a long time over 15 years but about three or four years ago I left the law firm world to start my own practice because I've always wanted to help law enforcement and first responders and specifically my law firm practice is designed around helping people facing the type of things I faced, like harassment, discrimination, retaliation, hostile work environment. I also help law enforcement officers if they're faced with if you're on a Brady Giglio list which we can talk about a little bit without going too much into the weeds. But I basically created a law firm to help people with, like, if I could help myself back then, i needed the person I am now, which is I can give you the answers, i can give you the tools, and I believe strongly, and especially with the type A personalities that we deal with and first responders that we all are, myself included is that I don't need to do it all for you. I just think you need answers, you need somebody you can trust. You want to know what you can do about it and then you can decide. If you want to do that, and then my advice is your attorney would be like yes, you should do something about it. Like, if you get all the way to me, you've probably been dealing with something for so long that it's bad enough for you to do something about. But I just give you what you need to get some resolution and hopefully worry a little bit less so that you can have a little more balance in life. So the law firm is called Lady Law Shield, but so, yes, that's who I am, that's what I do. I'm also a mom of three. We were talking about that a little while ago. I have three relatively young kids. I started a little bit later with kids in life. I have 12 year old, almost 11 and then almost six year old, and I work real hard to try to make sure I am like the mom that I want to be and try to be and to balance all that out, and that seeking balance in everything I just described is an ongoing endeavor, which is also why a strong wellness routine is important, because it helps you always keep what is important to you in perspective. It's like I know my kids are going to be grown someday and then sure there will be times where I can go back to working 88 hours a week if I want to, and sure I feel like I still work 80 hours a week because of being a mom and having two businesses, but anybody out there, you included. You know what I mean when it comes to being a parent and working and being the person you want to be at work. We all strive to work really hard and to do our best. So, yeah, i'm all those things.

Jerry: 6:29

Yeah, it's difficult. There's always some circumstances or something in your life that are constantly changing, and so striving to get that balance is right. It's a moving target and that you have to kind of constantly pivot with, and sometimes it takes longer than others to figure out that wellness routine or routines in life, and then sometimes I think it's just how life is right then. once you get a routine, then there's going to be a challenge.

Bridget: 7:02

That's just how things go, oh yeah, it's crazy And I tell people a lot, especially more often, like new moms, but I would say it's any new parent, i mean anybody out there that's been through it. You have your single life, then you have new parent life, and then you have middle school parent life, and then you have high school and I'm not in high school yet but then you have adult children life and all of that has affected my professional life in more ways than I ever would have imagined. I mean, it works so hard to get to who I was of being on SWAT team and I left that and then went through law school and then I worked so hard to establish myself as an attorney and then, shortly thereafter I think, let's see, i became an attorney in 2008,. My daughter was born in 2012. So four years of working to establish myself there. You know, in about year four or five, you hopefully you've established yourself as a good career, wise and reputation and credibility and all that. And then you have a kid and you're like, oh crap, this is hard. I can't be all those things I was before. So my point being is that you need to always give yourself grace and whether it's you move or you get a new position, or you. You have a kid to my friend Jerry, that's all. It changes your perspective, and not in a bad way It just changes. So I think it's that you just give yourself that grace to look at. well, this is different and it doesn't happen overnight, as you know. I mean, you prepare yourself for retirement and then you're going to actually be retired from something that was such a huge part of your life, because I think a lot about the story you told that you and your wife so I think she joined in on the conversation that time when you had done and you'd gone off to help with, like the fires.

Jerry: 8:47

Mm-hmm, Oh wow.

Bridget: 8:49

Your job and, like the, you know everything that you went through and everything that your wife went through. I mean, i don't know why I think that struck me so much, but it really did. I do think about that story often, thank you. Which goes to show that your stuff you're putting out there matters and it sticks with people. I don't know what it is about that story, but yeah, just even something like that, i mean, you know, like that's not going to be part of your life anymore And your wife's probably super happy, yeah. But I would imagine like, just like with me being on SWAT or buying drugs undercover, like there's a danger to the piece of that. That's maybe not smart, but also there was a piece of my identity and my ego that was tied into that And you have to be careful when you you know, as you're walking away from something like that, whether it's willingly or not, you know that's something to just be aware of, you know.

Jerry: 9:38

Yeah.

Bridget: 9:39

Like who you are.

Jerry: 9:40

Yeah, i mean it's definitely definitely come with a lot of challenges. I probably I actually haven't probably told any listeners yet this information, but yes, as we're recording this episode. No, it's okay. No, it's okay. It's totally okay, i am doing my, i have, as of July 1st I'll be retired from the fire department and then I will maintain a reserve officer. So, yeah, that's okay And it's, it's changed right. It's just a massive, massive change And even to lead into kind of what we're going to talk about today, like that, you know, it's just I think you said it right Giving yourself some grace. I feel like maybe, just as humans, we don't necessarily do that very well And certainly as first responders, we probably do even worse job of giving ourselves grace And that probably, as we know, probably spills off into our family. You know, it's having a conversation, you know, about this with my wife is like the reason why I've received I don't necessarily receive, probably not the good word has gotten to where I have in life and in my career is like just really pushing through things. Just, you know, sometimes you have to be that hammer and hitting that nail and just pushing through things, but when it comes to relationships or comes to different things in your life, you can't do that And that is incredibly difficult, i think, for a lot of first responders, because we just want to push through it And that is not the answer. Sometimes the answer is giving not just you yourself some grace, but give your family some grace.

Bridget: 11:27

Oh yeah, for sure. You know, even for like tying it into what I do now, which is that you know I help people feeling facing issues within their departments. And for me it was that when I say whether you leave willingly or not, like mine, i did not feel like I was choosing to leave willingly. I felt like it was a like hostile work environment, harassment of discrimination, and, yes, i ended up quitting, but I felt like that's what they were forcing me to that. And so really it's like a de facto termination And if anybody's facing that, call me, i can help. But also, if you feel like, wow, that sounds like what's happening to me, which is what I get so often, people say, oh, i heard you talking about so and so, and I feel like I'm dealing with the same thing because it's not exclusive to me, it's not exclusive to law enforcement or first responders. Unfortunately, it's present in all aspects of life, especially in professional life. So, but for me, as I felt like I wasn't, that was not my choice. And so, having made it as the only female SWAT team member and I mean competing in SWAT end up roundup international in Florida, and I mean holding my I mean I had to beat guys on my own team to make the SWAT roundup team. And then I was, you know, 76 teams were there. Well, one year is 74, i know that was 76, but on each team there's six people. So you do that math, it's a lot of people there, and I think the first year went there's three other women and the second year went there were only two other women. So you know, to make it to that point, and then and then, even each day, like there's six people on each team, but only five compete in each individual event. But I never set out an event, which means that even to compete on that I lie. That was the second year one of the events I didn't do, but still it was one, that's impressive, that's impressive. Well, and this obstacle course which to this day I mean I was definitely at the peak of my physical performance because I was I saw like grown men fall off this obstacle course in tears and not be able to physically finish it, and we finished in the top 10 every time we did it. So you know, with me on the team and I freaking loved it. But to feel like you're forced out of something when you have so much of your ego and identity tied into it makes it even harder. And definitely the reason why I tell people all the time is, if you're facing something inside your agency, if you're choosing not to do something about it, here's what happens. Like the job is already taking pieces from you Firefighters, cops, emts like you just see, dispatch 911 operators all of them. You see and deal with too many things in your career that are hard And then you hold onto those things, which means it's taking a piece of who you were before you ever, because you're not the same person when you come out as when you go in. You just seem too many things And you can't control that. That's what the job is. Also, make sure you have a good wellness routine. But if you add on top of that that your department's doing something to you that they shouldn't, then what? and if you don't do something about it, then, in essence, what you're doing is you're willingly giving away more pieces of yourself that you can't afford to give away or shouldn't afford to give away. So it's why you should do something about it and push back and stand up for yourself, because otherwise, you'll be with somebody like me, where I didn't say as much as I should have, or nowhere near what I should have, and I don't mean going all crazy ballistic screaming. I just mean being very matter of fact, saying hey, sarge, this is what I think is happening. I think we need to talk about it. Okay, that didn't work. Hey, lieutenant, this is what I think is how that didn't work. Okay, hey, captain, i could have done that, and maybe it would have been hard. It definitely would have been scary, but the end result, though, is, because I didn't do that, that I didn't even want to tell people I was a cop when I left. I didn't even want to tell people I was on swat, and what a shame that is, because I worked so hard for that. It took probably 10 to 12 years for me to get to the point where my husband would tell people I say, well, what would you do before law school? Because I'm older, i went to law school when I was 30. And then that's what? oh well, what'd you do before you went to law school? I was a cop. And then I would just move on And my husband would say, oh no, she wasn't just a cop, she was narcotics and she was on SWAT team. And then I'm like, yeah, then maybe I would tell some of the stories. But my point being is that if you're not standing up for yourself and holding on to what you know is right, then you're giving pieces away And it's going to take you that much longer to recover or pivot or shift your perspective, like we were just talking about. It's like for me, it took me 13 years to realize that I was holding on to something in such a negative and intense way that I should and needed to let go of. And I did and I do. I talked with therapists regularly and there's no shame in that. I think everybody that's listening to this should talk to a therapist regularly. It will improve every relationship you have, including with yourself. But yeah, it's something that you're talking about leaving, but just in the context of what I do for a living. So, because that's what I, let's talk about that. But is you got to stand up for yourself? You just got to find the right person to do that with, and of course, I think that's me, because I've been through it and it sucks, and there are people like me out there who can and want to help.

Jerry: 16:52

Yeah, well, bridget, i have been through it as well. Yes, I don't imagine too many people listening have not Right, and you're right. Honestly, this is going to be tough for you, for didn't know this, we haven't talked about this, but yeah, i've gone through some pretty rough stuff in my career where I I've stood up once and, but other times I did not, and it has robbed me of my career, because leaving doesn't is not as rewarding as I wanted it to be.

Bridget: 17:38

Yeah.

Jerry: 17:39

Um, that's emotional to me because, right, thirty three years serving And I, like, those pieces have been robbed from me because I didn't stand up for myself. Now could have been wrong in some of those situations. Possibly I've, but I didn't do anything intentionally wrong to hurt anybody or do anything, mm, hmm, but I paid a price for it And I paid a pretty heavy price and so did everybody around me. And if you want to talk about talking to therapists and stuff like that, And. I know this to be very factual and it is factual in my case. A lot of what I do with, and if we call PTSD, came from my administration And I can say that now because I'm going to be gone from that part of my life, yeah, just publish this.

Bridget: 18:34

Just publish this after July 1st, it'll be fine. I will. Yeah, i think what you're saying. First of all, i think it's. I'm sorry because I mean it sucks And you know I I did it for four and a half years, not 33 years, and even in the short amount of time that I was there, like I said, it took me a long time to get over it. I think the longer that you give the, the, the more hurtful it is. It's always hurtful always. And I think the longer you give like in your situation, the it just really cuts you deep. And also that I want to address something you said like maybe I did something wrong. You said something along those lines.

Jerry: 19:16

Yeah.

Bridget: 19:17

This is something I talk about with people all the time. No one is perfect. Every single person on this planet, every single person that's ever had a first responder job, makes mistakes. That does not mean that you should be treated the way you're being treated, in whatever situation. You're thinking you or me or anybody else that this is resonating with this. Listening out there, did I make mistakes that I got written up for when I was at the sheriff's office? Yes, but so was everybody else? Yes, were they getting written up or given 500 mountain climbers or forced to go drive an RV to go watch it in the middle of the night and then never driven an RV before? So I accidentally broke the tail light and then they wrote me up but gave me a crash report. So it's like I got two dings and one night for something. That's not justified unless you're doing that for everyone and that's not the way it goes. And so when you're being singled out, when it's a continuous pattern, when you just have a feeling of like this is just not, there's something not right about this. And look, if you're a first responder, you're really good at the something's not right about this, the spiny tingly, this isn't sitting right feeling. You have to be that way because you have to stay alive. So if you're feeling that, then like, do something about it, call me, start writing it down. I tell people all the time that the one of the biggest pieces of advice I could give people is write it down, and I don't mean write a dissertation, don't write a 15. If you want to write a story about it, do that, publish it later. But for your attorney that you might call, i don't need a novel, i need dates, people, what happened? Because when people call me, the first thing I say is okay, i get free 15 minute calls. You call me and you tell me what it's like. Okay, yes, i think you have something here, but I need something. Sounds like it's breaking, and like, because my five year old is here, hopefully it's fine, sure it is. Anyway, when you think you have say the first step is okay once you pay me, because if I'm gonna give you my legal opinion, i gotta do some digging. That's what I do. I'm an attorney, but I give like a very easy, like a very affordable, like, just send me what you have, i'll review it, because I can't give you my opinion unless I've seen everything And I'll tell you what I think you should do. So the very first thing is give me your timeline, write a timeline, tell me what happened, tell me when, because there are deadlines by which you, if you want to do something about some things like you, have to do it by a certain date and give me the facts and you know it, did you report it and when and all that kind of stuff. So the first thing I invest piece of advice I give to anybody out there that thinks this applies to them is if you haven't already write it down. Maybe you have a string of text messages where that's part of what helps you remember to get screen capture, the images, the text. Maybe you have some voicemail somebody gave you. Save that in your file somewhere as an audio file. Maybe you have emails you've got. Thankfully those are easier to find. Definitely save those in a file somewhere because that helps you put together that whole story And oftentimes it's when you see it all put together even you realize, oh yeah, this is pretty crappy or better. Yet when you show it to somebody like me isn't it you know, and wants to give you some legal advice, you say, oh yeah, this is pretty crappy because unfortunately it's not illegal to have a jerk boss, you know, just to have a crappy sergeant, that just is never nice to you. Unfortunately it's not illegal to have a mean guy as a boss or girl. It is illegal if you have a mean guy or girl as a boss or co-worker or whatever. If it's because you're white or because you're a girl or because you're older or because you file the workers comp claim and you're injured, like there's. All these protections are because they're coming after you because you reported that treatment, that bad treatment for somebody else. They can't. There's all these different ways. They can't do that. So that's the first step is, if you're not sure, write it down. And then also, from a therapeutic perspective, is you write it down? and maybe you want to write it down to share with your therapist or you know, i know a lot of times first responders are leery to really share a lot of their burdens with loved ones or you know, anybody else, because you don't want to put, you're afraid of burdening them, but find somebody you can share that with. Like, to me it's a therapist. If I have never written down, sometimes I do, if there have been a few times that I'm just so like I need to let go of something so bad and also I get to talk about it later is I'll shoot an email real quick and say remind me that when we talk, this is what I want to talk about, and this is sometimes I don't even put why, but even just that. And then when I calm down and we talk and she'll say well, what about so and so that you asked me, you told me, you mentioned to me a couple of weeks ago. I'm like, oh yeah, well, here's what happened And here's what I'm trying to do. And then you know she can continue to help me work through it. So there's two definitely, if you want to work with me, we need the timeline, no matter what. But then also from a therapeutic perspective, that literally is one of the wellness tools. One of the tools available in a wellness routine is find some way to let something go. Maybe it's go axe throwing, maybe it's screaming your pillow, maybe it's writing something down and then tearing it up, so you can literally try and like, physically, let go of something. Maybe it's burning it, like whatever, don't burn your house down, or anything like that. As the attorney, i feel like I put lots of caveat, but yeah, it's really hard and nice. I mean even. You know, you're a strong, you're a firefighter, you've been in forest fires, we're fires surrounding you and you are tough and you are strong. And yet these things are still so emotionally tied into who we are. And I don't care if you're a good guy, i don't care if you're a girl. It's hard for everybody And that's why do something, you know, let somebody help.

Jerry: 25:11

Yeah, so you know, like, when we talk about mental health and stuff like that, and we talk about being alone and suffering and silence, and I'm like listening to you and I'm like this is no different. Right, most of these, most people who are going through things that would probably need to call you for, are still suffering in silence, and that is you know, you're right, it still ties back to your mental health And, yeah, gosh, it's just like this is already a hard enough career and we're letting things still away from our careers. And I'm sure not everybody that calls you actually has maybe something legitimate probably most. But I mean, sometimes we feel like we're being treated unfair and actually maybe we're not. I mean, maybe we're being treated just like everybody else, but we don't know that.

Bridget: 26:14

Yeah, that's true. Most people, when they call me, they do have something they need help with because it's something they've been sitting with for so long that they've gotten to the point where they've figured it out, figured it out too that, yes, this is legit 팣兄弟. Yeah, because, like I said, it's not illegal to be a jerk. Unfortunately, you know it's like cops joke around and say it's a shame you don't have, like a piss off the poli, a pop criminal charge. You know like you could do that. And I don't mean like cops aren't perfect And I'm not suggesting that they could go out and just treat people bad. That's not what I mean. I'm not suggesting that there's not. I don't know. I feel like I'm like triggering some like political commentary there. I'm not meaning to do that, but you know, for the majority 98% or more of law enforcement are good people who make good decisions. There are some of the outlines are that make bad decisions. So nothing I ever say is justifying any of those really stupid decisions that cops do that land on somewhere Where it's so obvious. But that sidetracked me. I got myself sidetracked.

Jerry: 27:26

You're good, you're good.

Bridget: 27:29

But yeah, it's, it's. The majority of people that call me do have a problem. Unfortunately, it's like the one that's hardest for me to say like there's not, i don't know what I can do for you. It's which I have so hard for me to do that when people call me, the big deal issues. So if you're a cop, maybe you've you've heard this or you've heard that the terms is Brady giglio. Brady and giglio are two different Supreme Court cases. That in this, in the context of this conversation, is is to protect the rights of defendants in trial, because you really don't want somebody who's not guilty of a crime going to prison for it. And so it's to protect defendants facing crimes. And particularly if you know information that could help someone in preparing a defense, they required, you required prosecution is required to turn that information over, including if the cop that was working on the case is somehow untruthful. So if you do something that brings your character into question or that makes you a line cop, then you can be put on something called the Brady giglio list In most cases that the estate attorney or prosecutor whatever will then send a letter out to all defense counsel in the jurisdiction saying this cop is a liar. Well, you end up losing your job because if you can't be trusted, then how can you be a cop? Unfortunately, a lot of prosecutors there's no stand. Okay, so start with. There are no standards by which they do this. You're not giving notice Not in most places. You're never given notice. If you're put on the list beforehand, you don't. You're not given an opportunity to clear your name. You're not given an opportunity for any kind of appeal. You basically just go on this list. There's nothing you can do about it. I have stories of people who have called me. Like one guy, he like left and was trying to get a job and couldn't get another job because I think he had a reporter calling one day saying What do you think about being on this Brady giglio list? and he said What's Brady, good girl, listen, what are you talking about? and come to find out. They put him on this list. He never had any idea about it was preventing him from getting jobs. He was having to go from a cop to, like, a mall security office. That's kind of dramatic, but I'm going to decent job, especially pay, and also, unfortunately, it's a state issue. So it's up to your state legislators as to whether or not they will make laws about how prosecutors can use that. You also can't sue prosecutors for putting you on this list because they have prosecutorial immunity, just like you have qualified immunity. So it's like a lose lose. Now, that being said, i do think there's things you can do to try and clear name and prove that you should get your name off this list, and I do help clients with that, although it's a sort of at least like a six month process, and I have had clients call me and say like, look, this is what you need to do, i can help you do that. And then they're like, yeah, i'm just not going to do that. And so they never get their job and law enforcement backs. They've lost their livelihood, their identity, their career And there's nothing they can do about it like all in one swoop. But for the most part for the harassment, discrimination situations, i did have like maybe I think maybe one or two calls where they call me and they're like this is happening and I was like I was kind of waiting for that and and I get nothing else And I said, okay, well, if this happens later then you can do something about that, but for now you just have a jerky boss. So, but most of the time, by the time you call me, you've been putting up with it for so long. Now I can say that the I think the younger generation is putting up with it for a last amount of time. They're standing up for themselves quicker, they're standing up for other people, whereas nobody ever stood up for me. I would have given anything for just one person to say Hey guys, this doesn't seem fair But didn't happen. But I do think that is changing with the younger generation. but also the sad part is we're getting few and fewer people coming into, especially in law enforcement. So we need cops. That's why I do what I do, because I want to help. I don't want anybody to feel like I felt, and I like, or obviously like you felt. big one for me was I don't know who to turn to and have anybody I trust And I ended up just leaving. I don't want you to leave. We need you in law enforcement, but also I when you're doing your job, or at first, or you know, firefighters, whatever. I say law enforcement, but that's blanket. I just say law enforcement because that's what I did. But we need to do the job. But we also need to do the job when you're not distracted. So if I can help you deal with this big problem and help you focus on what you're doing at work and not be overly, overly, you know, not overreact, not make a decision that you know finally, somebody's constitutional rights that maybe you wouldn't have if you were just had your wits about you. So I definitely feel like what I do and the way that I've created my practice and I've done on purpose is what I'm doing as an attorney is also a wellness tool, because if I can help you worry less about a legal problem, if I can help you feel like you have, like you can take some of that control back and that you have a little bit more control over your life than you are going to be less reactive in your actual job And then also in your marriage. I mean so many of my clients, especially in the Brady Giglio stuff, because they've lost their job and they can't get another one in there. You know so many. they will have cashed out my 401k so I have no more money and now my wife is leaving me and because it's, you know, it's just ruining every aspect of their life. Just that's where, if I can help prevent that from happening which usually I mean once you get on the Brady Giglio list I can't prevent that, but I can prevent the the severe downwards. I can help contribute to preventing the downward spiral that can happen in when you feel like you're overwhelmed and facing too much, and I think it's so important that you're never, ever alone. There's whatever you're feeling at work and, especially as first responder, there is someone out there that will understand what you're feeling, whether it's a legal issue or mental health issue, and you like find somebody to give you the answers. and I think that's so important. like you said, is it does feel you feel like you're alone and just overly burdened, and so don't sit with that And please reach out to somebody.

Jerry: 33:55

I have a question up Last couple weeks in different conversations And I a couple things I'm noticing with first responders and I noticed with myself, is that they're just a certain amount of there 's. I'm good with suffering just a certain amount, right, that's just what comes with the job as a first responder, and so you're just going to just suffer so much, just a certain level, and that's a higher level than would be acceptable probably for most people.

Bridget: 34:24

Oh yeah.

Jerry: 34:26

And so then you just sit there and you suffer, and you suffer, and you suffer in silence And you just accept it. You just accept, because you're a first responder, that you deserve a lower quality of life, and that's both mentally and physically. It is kind of mind boggling like why, why are we doing this to ourselves?

Bridget: 34:53

And so you know that saying embrace the suck you know like, and I think in the way you can say like, look, i'm gonna. Okay, i've taken four bar exams. I can tell you it sucks And I've been licensed in four states. I passed all four bars the first time And it's an awful, awful study process. It takes at least two months And that's one really. Just embrace the suck, like you're getting there, and you'll get through it and it's fine. But in a flip, negative context is if you think cops will say, well, just embrace the suck like you, just accept it, and all this is joining, like, oh, i'm becoming your wife or your husband will say, okay, you're becoming real cynical. And you're like, well, that's just the way it is, i'm a cop. Like no, it's a firefighter like you just know it doesn't have to be that way. Or I'm and you know I'm a first responder and we don't make much money, so I'm just gonna be broke for the rest of my life. Like no, like I could say I could connect to you. I'm sure I know, you know I'm to. You have on your podcast like that they talked to you about how you can be six financially successful on a first responder and how you can deal with the cynicism, how you can deal with the and all those ways, is that no, it's not, like, doesn't have to be that way. And that's when I'm just let's slap everybody around a little bit and say, no, it doesn't have to be that way, because you can do something about it. And another way of explain that is you know, their context is so you know mama, three kids, and you know work with hard and I want to do all the things. And at one point I was just I felt like people would say like, oh, how are you doing? I'm so busy, i'm so busy. And all of a sudden this was about two years ago, maybe three years ago now I realized, yeah, it was before COVID, so I was like going into 2020 and 2020 started And I realized that I was using that as like that's how I was defining success, that I was only successful if I was overwhelmingly busy and tired and couldn't get everything done. And then, all of a sudden, i thought, but why, like? who said that's what success is Like? I can decide what that is for myself. And so I specifically started trying to change my language. Or even now I'll catch my saying how's everything. I'm busy. That's not what I meant to say. What I meant to say is it's all great And I'm going to find some time to like tomorrow's birthday and I scheduled the whole day for me. I blocked my whole day tomorrow. I don't have meetings. I'm going to try really hard to not do work, but as a business owner that's hard to do. But like I'm going to. I'm not going to do it. I told my husband like I'm not doing any pickups, you can drop the kids off and pick them up. I'm not, and as a mom I feel just a little bit guilty about that, but not enough to actually change it. But I'm not, i'm just going to carve out the not busy time. Like one of my favorite social media accounts to follow is it's called becoming unbusy. Anybody that's this lady should start paying me as much as I share in club. It's becoming unbusy and it's just literally do you have too many things? It's not the things that matter, like, look at how you're spending your time, do less things, you know, sit and read a book, like just so many ways that you could be happy by doing less. And so I really tried to embrace that three years ago And along the way I realized like I was trying to just cram a square peg into a round hole all the time And I but again then I was making myself miserable by doing that. And again, the other part is realizing, notwithstanding the mental PTSD and the and the, the awful things you see, as first responder, that does just does something to you. And so, notwithstanding that but I think, other than that that nobody's doing any, it's routine all the time to really try and embrace. like, oh, i get mad at my husband. You say, oh, my husband made me so mad. And I said that this is my twenties, this great mentor I had at the time. I said to him one time something such Oh, it made me so mad. And he says nobody made you mad. And I was like, yes, he did. This was like this you know, this traffic thing, all I was. no, nobody made you get mad. You chose to be mad. And I was like what? No, no, they, i think, just realizing it. I was like dad gummit, but is it harder to let go of being mad? But really, no one's making you that way. So, while you might be dealing with a crappy situation at work or whatever, but no one's making you wallow in that. So yeah find the people who are screaming from the podcast saying let me help. You know you do it, You do this podcast so that you can get all these, these resources out there for people. You'll help. I mean I know we were talking about this before that I know people look at you. You're such a great audience and you have, you know, wide reach that people will reach out to you as a resource in lots of different ways And then, thank goodness, because who would they have found? You know, maybe that didn't land with them in any other way, And so yeah to reach out to the people And also and I do this with myself too like people say, oh, let me know if I can help, especially with kids, they're like oh, let me know if I can have them. Like I can ask, i don't want a burden. They probably really get. You know, they probably don't really have time. Well, I was just texting with one of my kids teachers and she's like no, i really do want to help you because I need help with my son, like one day in July, and she's like she's like no, i really do. And I was like, oh well, i mean, don't feel obligated. I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it Like, oh okay, well, thank you, i'll take you up on your offer to help. So there's just so many ways, so many different ways to talk about, like what, the suffering that first responders just hold on to when you know let go of it.

Jerry: 40:33

Yeah, i mean we get in this job to serve, right, that's what that's. Our big thing we want to do is serve, and then, and then we don't serve ourselves And I mean I love what you're doing. I think there's definitely a space that you know for that, unfortunately, right. Yes, unfortunately, It's great that you're out there and you can specialize in it and you can serve. You're still serving people, right? This is the same thing, like it's just I don't know There's just. You still want to continue to serve, even after you have all these crappy things happen to you. You still want to serve And then. So get the crap out of your life, reach out the bridge it and then make your life better. Because I'm totally with you when you have that Additional stress from work, of something going on, you do not perform your best. You are more anxious. You are feeling like every time you keep the mic or take a call, somebody's listening or watching. So it's just. All those extra layers of stress are not going to let you perform at your best, because you're probably not sleeping well either. You're probably not Eating well either. You're probably fitness routine is probably out the window. It just consumes your life and it can do it for years, right?

Bridget: 42:02

Yes, especially when you're in it. I mean drinking more. We all know that. You know like you're still, i'm just going to screw it, i'll just go out drinking tonight. I mean that's. I'm not saying you shouldn't drink, certainly, but that can get out of control. We've all seen it. You know alcohol or drugs or both, but for sure it's. I like mine was such a snowball effect too, which is so funny. You're saying this and I just started remembering that, this piece of it, that, yes, i made a mistake. But then, yes, every thing I feel like every time I key up, they're going to say something. Every time, like, oh, like when I was in narcotics contact such and such snitch to see a confidential source, sorry, not to say snitch anymore. So contact the source and see if they're available to help us go do with this. Blah, blah, blah, blah. You know you do it. And then they're accusing me of not contacting the source and then lying about it. I remember that particular instance. I was like hold on a second, you think I'm going to lie over a crack head? No, yeah, but they're still. They accuse me of lying as like really they. So they believe the crack head over me and like you've got to be kidding me. So then I was just making a mistake on the top of mistake, because I was so stressed about like just leave me alone. I literally would go to work every day, like if they could. Just at first it was like, oh, you're right, i made a mistake, i'll do better tomorrow. I'm like, okay, today's set, but tomorrow's a new day, i'll do better tomorrow, tomorrow will be better. But then finally I'd be like, okay, just leave me alone, leave me alone today, just for you know, be driving. We're like just just today, leave me alone, just for today. And then, nope, that wouldn't happen. And then just got to like and I'd written up for that and make a mistake for that. And then, while I'm still in trouble for the first one I've got written up again for and it just got worse and worse. And again, i wasn't perfect. I was making mistakes, but just leave me the F alone so I can just start doing my job. How about that? How about you just leave me alone? see if I can do the job on a day to day basis? So it was just brutal, and I am sure that there are many people out there listening to this that feel the exact same way. But it's not the mistakes that define you And and you're not the only person on the planet that makes mistakes. So take another look at it. That's what I tell people. But yeah, it's, it's really hard. And And not to say that you're not still. You are still tough, it just doesn't mean you have to deal with that kind of crap.

Jerry: 44:21

And You don't have to suffer. You can be tough, but not suffer.

Bridget: 44:25

Yeah, you can still be tough And you can still be the one that's gonna run into a burning building when everybody else is running away. Or you're still gonna be the person that will run two fire shot like you know a gunfire when everybody else is running away. You can still be that and just not be like miserable 100% of the time you know after that. So, yeah, you can still be a badass And, yes, you're right. Also, you're never gonna want to stop serving. I've never wanted to stop serving. I didn't want to go back into law enforcement after I left, but I still want to. it's just hard to not have your life involved, that somehow after you've been it, because there's just nothing like it. It's no matter what happens. I still think it's a very honorable profession. Everybody they're very brave. The fact that you're in it that makes you brave. it's a choice you make And I refuse to give that up. And just like, i still believe our country is an amazing country. It's not perfect, but it's still amazing. I mean, you get a great American flag behind you. Yesterday it was a national flag day. I'm a dork that way. I'm a total constitutional believer and against why I was a cop and no attorney. But you know, there's still. You're still an honorable, brave person and you can admit when something is overwhelming.

Jerry: 45:47

Yeah, yeah, definitely Bridget. How can? so what are the different ways that people can follow you and reach out to you?

Bridget: 45:54

Well, definitely the best way. The context of this conversation today is go to my lady Lawsheild. I'm on LinkedIn, i'm on Instagram, but definitely go to my website. If you get all are considering doing something about a problem you're facing at work, i do offer, like I said, a free 15 minute call And we can get the basics of what's happening, where I can say you know, and give you the options of how to work with me. Or, if you don't need me yet, i'll certainly tell you that right away. I've structured my legal, my law firms so that they said the first step is that I can just evaluate what's going on for you and I can tell you what you can do about it. And I said I think that's an important first step for first responders, because you want to feel like you're in control of it. I can tell you what you can do to feel in control of it. And then, of course, beyond that is, you know I can start being your lawyer and then you. There's different levels of how I can work with people, but that's where you find that is the law firm. And then I do share lots of legal tips and resources all the time on LinkedIn and Instagram, so follow there. But definitely I encourage everyone to get on my email list because I do email out helpful tips too. But yeah, ladylawshieldcom is my website and that's the best place to start to get in touch with me.

Jerry: 47:10

What's your Instagram?

Bridget: 47:13

Ladylawshield, it's just Ladylawshield, everywhere, jerry, it's everywhere.

Jerry: 47:18

But what if I'm not a lady and I need legal help?

Bridget: 47:22

Still, i said, the reason why I call it Ladylaw Shield is like conferences is a lot of who I am in a lot of different ways. I know you're joking, but I also do help women like female executives, like in the workplace, in the corporate setting, because they still face a lot of the same stuff. And I live in Texas where it's oil and gas, where if you're a woman in oil and gas, you are predominantly, not the majority And yeah, so because I'm a lady and because that's the law and I was a cop and I was a lady cop, but I can help all people within the legal field, like the law, like first responders. So Ladylaw Shield just seemed to capture every aspect of it in so many ways. Yeah, i mean, one thing we didn't even talk about is I help women face a lot of issues around maternity and law enforcement and first responders, especially firefighters, and a lot of times your agency doesn't really know what to do about it, especially if you're in a smaller department. So if you're facing stuff around being pregnant or coming back to work, i can help with that too. But that's all out there on my website You can find it.

Jerry: 48:27

Well, bridget, thank you so much for being on. Thank you for I think we had a well-rounded conversation about just wellness and the law, because I think, like I said I mean again just to wrap this up these issues will chip away at your mental health, and heaven forbid that it chips away so much at your mental health that you want to take your own life Right, and I'm sure there's way too much of that because of this.

Bridget: 49:00

Yeah, can you imagine the worst possible thing? Obviously, there's too much death by suicide in the first responder world, but for it to be something that comes from within your own department that finally drives you to that, i mean, it's just sad enough when officers and firefighters die in a fire or from a shooting or whatever, but if it were to come and it does come from the pressures from within, that just makes me angry. So I want to help. I say that a lot of times. I'll be 48 years old tomorrow, and I started this When I was 45, i finally started doing what I was supposed to do in my life, which is to find a way to help. It really matters And, like I said, i want to help, just like you do, so take advantage of it.

Jerry: 49:50

Agreed, agreed Well. Thank you so much, bridget for being on today. Thank you.

Bridget: 49:56

Thank you for having me back. I look forward to round three. We'll come up with something new to talk about.

Jerry: 50:00

Yeah, definitely, thank you. Thanks again for listening. Don't forget to rate and review the show wherever you access your podcast. If you know someone that would be great on the show, please get ahold of our host, jerry Dean Lund, through the Instagram handles at Jerry Fire and Fuel or at EnduringTheBadge podcast, also by visiting the show's website, enduringthebadgepodcastcom, for additional methods of contact and up-to-date information regarding the show. Remember, the views and opinions expressed during the show solely represent those of our host and the current episode's guests.