Resilience, Trauma, and Hope: A Conversation with Ryan Phillips

Jerry Dean Lund: 0:04

Welcome to today's episode of Enduring the Badge Podcast. I'm host Jerry Dean Lund and if you haven't already done so, please take out your phone and hit that subscribe button. I don't want you to miss an upcoming episode. And hey, while your phone's out, please give us a rating and review. On whichever platform you listen to this podcast on, such as iTunes, apple Podcasts and Spotify, it helps this podcast grow and the reason why, when this gets positive ratings and reviews, those platforms like Apple Podcasts and Spotify show this to other people that never listened to this podcast before, and that allows our podcast to grow and make a more of an impact on other people's lives. So if you would do that, I would appreciate that from the bottom of my heart. My very special guest today is author, producer and humanitarian Ryan Phillips. We're going to go on a journey with Ryan because Ryan ended up on the wrong side of the law. We're going to take a little bit different perspective with this podcast. We're going to go on a journey of someone who ended up on the wrong side of the law and was struggling with mental health. That's something we've never done on the podcast. Ryan's got a pretty crazy story so crazy that he ended up on locked up abroad on National Geographic, so you got to check that out as well. Ryan has also done two TED Talks. He's done talks on mental health, sex trafficking. He's done some biking across some countries trying to raise awareness for different things. So let's jump into this story and journey with Ryan. And Ryan is joining us from a distant location, not necessarily his home. He's on a work vacation, we'll say, in Mexico.

Ryan Philips: 1:49

How you doing. Ryan, yeah, nice to be on a work vacation in Mexico when you don't see much of the sun. You're indoors, a pound of the paper or the computer and trying to put your creative faculties into high gear. So anyway it's an absolute pleasure being on the podcast with Jerry, and let's open up a can of worms and see what we can do to help some people.

Jerry Dean Lund: 2:12

Yeah, yeah, definitely, ryan. You've been on a mental health journey for quite some time, right?

Ryan Philips: 2:20

Yes, yes, if you want to get into that a little bit. You know, I fell out of a tree when I was seven and I suffered a concussion. Back then they didn't really know how to treat the concussion. I remember, on Clear's Day, my mom taking me to the hospital. My grandfather was at the hospital at the time. It's fine, except I was just telling the story yesterday. And you know, I was very, very advanced in school art, you know hockey, sports, everything I did. I was, you know, very. You know, I say humbly, by the grace of God, blessed with natural ability and when I fell, after I fell out of that tree, went to the hospital. I was in there for three days. I remember being nauseous on the way to the hospital. I was knocked out unconscious. Obviously when it happened and my memory just like gapped out, I was incomplete. You know, I was young. I was, you know, six, seven years old. You know I don't know what's really going on, but you know, you know, when something's wrong, and I remember, shortly after that things just began to change a little bit and I was starting to in my body, I was like, why do I feel like this? I remember being I never talked about it, I never said anything to anybody. And you know, as the years went on I started declining with my memory. Even at a young age I used to be able to put together a Rubik's cube, or Simon says, like it was nothing, and then I started to struggle a little bit with listening with. You know, with my memory I developed some undiagnosed ADHD at a young age. I know that to be true now. It would have saved me a lot of trouble with the teachers if they knew you know spend a lot of hours at the principal's office but you know it's the mental health journey for me. You know, leaving home at 16, you know the hazing with the hockey culture that's forefront and center in Canada. You know, with the there's three major junior hockey leagues in Canada. That's the gateway to the National Hockey League. You know the big time and you know some of the rituals. Back in my day I played from 91 to 95. So you know five years of junior hockey. A lot of those were interrupted with injuries, more concussions, more broken bones, broken shoulder, broken collarbone, and you know the number on your back is basically like a dollar sign when it gets into the big business of. You know, organized sports. You know, especially in the professional ranks, anyone who's buying a ticket to go watch a game, there's always, you know, money behind it, politics, you name it, and you know I'm okay with all that. You know sports is a business, but you know the cruelty that some of these players have had to endure, that still endure Many players that I've talked to. It's the same kind of trauma that you know. Trauma is individualized, obviously, but it's, you know, it's very, it's dark, it's cruel and you know when it gets into your psyche, it really it's. It injures your brain and then you throw PTSD or complex PTSD on top of a concussion and you got to double whammy of some serious mental health issues that you got to cope with or you got to deal with and a lot of people don't. I mean, I've had a lot of people in my life, especially over the last 10 years, take their life, get into major major addiction, addiction issues. I had addiction issues pain killers, alcohol, drugs, you name it. You know I've been abstinence. You know sobriety, I've been sober for, you know, 10 years. Suffer from anxiety, depression, you know, but I try to overcome that with being as positive as I possibly can be. I use my creative faculties to the best of my abilities and you know what more can I ask of myself? You know that's that's. I paid the ultimate price of doing what I loved and that's why I'm such a love hate relationship with hockey. Now, yeah, yeah, but let's get back into the mental health thing. Okay, so I realized how much awareness can come through action In 2000. Are you cutting this up? No, you're good. Yeah, okay, Because I had a call coming in, I just ignored it. I realized how much awareness can come through action. And in 2012, I've been banned from the United States forever from exporting into the States. I say importing when I'm talking to a Canadian podcast. I was exporting high-grade marijuana into the United States of America on a very large scale. I got apprehended on the other side of the border, put in jail for close to a year and a half without seeing the light of day and that's hockey career flushed down to the toilet. Some pretty poor decisions on my part at a young age. But all those were really compound interests of just wanting to be loved, just wanting to be accepted, and hockey was pretty much it was my dominating dream gone sour. And that all played into mental health. I didn't realize I had. I didn't even know what anxiety meant. I didn't know. I thought if you were depressed you just felt low and then you would snap out of it, which was the case a lot of the times with me. I didn't understand the complexities of mental health, mental illness, however you want to call it, society illness, overstimulation. But in 2015, after realizing how much awareness I was able to create with 21 riders going across Cambodia to help with the eradication of child sex slavery and human trafficking, did that, few years in a row, got a pardon the first of its kind by the Department of Homeland Security as a free man and a humanitarian back down to the States, something that I'm very, very humbly proud of, because that was never supposed to happen, but it did. I believed in myself. I just wanted to do good in the world. I love giving back, I love to help people, and the universe rewarded me. God rewarded me, jesus awarded me with being of service to God and to kids, to the children of God, so to speak, and in 2015, I made the decision to ride my bike across the second largest land mass in the world, canada, my home country for mental health awareness, and it was going to be called one mind cycle. We're all under one mind, we're all connected, and it was basically in my mind. I wanted this not only to be a healing journey for myself, but also for the millions of people in the world that suffer in silence, and it got put off. It got put off until 2019. That's when I did three countries over in Southeast Asia. I did Laos, which is a small little not that small, but it's not like Canada or the States Laos, cambodia again and Vietnam, and after I did those rides and I saw how many people were affected over in Asia and don't talk about it. It was a real stigma with mental health in Southeast Asia, especially in Vietnam, because a lot of those people they don't talk about the war that went over there went on. A lot of people are very traumatized. The average age over there is a lot younger because of all the casualties and obviously the United States was so rocked by that situation it's still talked about and not talked about. I can only imagine what those gentlemen went through, when they can. Anyone that's gone to war. I actually can understand that because I've had guns put to my head, I've had murders all around me. I've had all that in my life being in organized crime. You're around that. My mind was so in the gutter because of booze and sex, drugs and rock and roll and the money. I was really ignorant to think I was like I'm not a gangster, I'm still the hockey player, I'm just making a little bit of money. Send a marijuana over the border, anyways, I'm all over the map here.

Jerry Dean Lund: 11:12

You're good. You're good. I do want to dive down into something. I know I do want to dive down into something and you talk about suffer in silence and I think about that a lot. If people know my personal story, there's definitely some suffering in silence that I've gone through and I think about that a lot, with first responders and just people in general suffering in silence. There's a lot of education that we do podcasts, a lot of classes, a lot of books, a lot of things. But I kind of want to like, how did you move from suffering in silence to actually taking action outside of?

Ryan Philips: 12:00

that? That's a great question, because I still suffer in silence, Complex PTSD, all the psychotherapy, all the therapists, all the doctors that I've ever seen with the concussions and with the complex PTSD, my brain is rocked. I be lying to you, I be lying to everybody and myself. If I wasn't to say listen, every morning I feel like I got hit by a Mack truck. That's how I feel in the morning. It takes me a little bit to get going. My short-term memory is not very good, so I suffer from severe panic and anxiety attacks. I actually do really good going one-on-one with a podcast or if I'm being filmed in front of camera, because it really takes me into the present moment when I'm by myself and I wake up, say I don't get a lot of sleep. I don't get a lot of sleep due to my concussions and the PTSD as well. It causes a lot of insomnia in my life because I think a lot. I'm always going into those past moments, Even with all the therapy. I just did 30 hours plus of trauma therapy at the church, mixing it in with scripture. It was something that I've never done before. It helped the most out of the 10-plus doctors that I've seen, probably because there was a lot of faith and belief in there, but at the same time it opened up my whole life, from childhood sexual abuse, the violence, prison, getting arrested, guns to the head, lie detector tests, going over to Cambodia and seeing all these kids that were suffering. Going across Canada I had posts writing across Canada disorder because it was so big and I did it in two months and then taking on all the energy of the people that are. They think of a mental health expert. I'm just a guy that cares and they're spilling their guts about which is okay. They're talking about that's open it up. Open up the dialogue. So there is nobody stigma. There should never be. It should be an everyday, ongoing thing, not mental health months or day or whatever. It should be an everyday thing where we're looking out for our brothers and our sisters because people are dropping like flies. We're in the biggest mental health crisis that we've ever seen, ever in our generation, that's for sure. In COVID just put a fire under mental health crisis. We were already in one, in a great disconnect anyways, and it just exacerbated. How do I cope? I cope because my number one mantra don't give up, Just don't give up. Keep moving forward. There's two right there. I really got to trick my brain into getting out of the negative self-talk, the ads, the automatic negative thoughts that come into my consciousness. I got to kick those things out because that's what keeps me in bed with the covers over my head, depressed down, not wanting to do activities that I once loved, that I should love. It's tricky. People judge from the outside and think, oh, this guy's fine. They do that to so many people. But they do not know unless you've been through yourself a very traumatic event. It doesn't matter what it is. It could be abuse, it could be a car accident, it could be in the military, it could be watching someone get killed, prison. The list goes on. What I say is it is individualized. What's the worst for you or somebody else doesn't trump how much I've been through. It could affect us exactly the same, Some more, Some. It doesn't affect you. It could be water off a duck's back, no big deal. I had a guy a couple of years ago that told me that my PTSD was BS. I laughed. I was like this guy could walk a day in my shoes. How could I judge? He didn't know any better. Maybe he doesn't know that he has it himself.

Jerry Dean Lund: 16:15

Right, right, that's very true. I mean, you've gone through so much in your life. I like those things Never giving up and moving, just constantly moving forward. One of my things is to always try to be like 1% better a day. Just having something, a goal in mind to get you moving and keep you moving, I think is incredibly important and it sounds like you always have something like that in your life going on. Just from what I've seen, it really helps me.

Ryan Philips: 16:54

What helps me is that I just started writing a new book. I got some film projects that are coming down the pipe and that keeps me motivated and I'm living on a definite purpose. I used to be my will. That's the thing. My will doesn't work, so it's basically God. How can I be of service today? And I do my best to get into nature. Last night was beautiful. I'm in a tropical place, I'm on the beach, I'm seeing a beautiful sunset and the environment really is so much of the components that can make a break like us, and there's so much synergy going on right now. It always has that like attracts, like energy, and thought is energy too. So thought is energy, really moving at a spiritual level of high vibration, and so there's a lot of trauma bonding these days because I find that so many people that have been through so much attract similar people.

Jerry Dean Lund: 18:00

And you can see all the healers. So that can be good and bad.

Ryan Philips: 18:06

Well, you know, I think a lot of people say it's bad, but at the same time, would I rather talk to somebody who's been through a crap load of stuff and be able to go back and forth and relate, really relate or talk to a psychotherapist or a doctor and they're sitting there and they don't have that lived experience. They're a lot of them are sitting out of a textbook and like this is straight up. Truth is that a lot of these psychiatrists and doctors, you know they're writing prescriptions for themselves and they're dealing with a lot. You know they're dealing with, you know, eight to 10 patients, whatever a day, taking on all their problems and issues, trying to give them coping mechanisms. You can just imagine how hard it is for one of them to go back to their family each night. So a lot of these guys are describing, you know, antidepressants, benzodiazepam. You know we live in a very fast paced anxiety society riddled by fear, and you know, if it's not enough that our governments are trying to, you know, infuse fear upon the masses and really try to. You know separate humanity. It's not working. You know the old way wasn't working. That was proven during COVID and I really think it's going to take a lot of individuals with a lot of faith and a lot of courage to rise up, rise above. You know there's a reason why I'm so passionate about mental health. Like my daughter's been in the psych ward 26 times, you know she's she's trying to take her life four times. You know she just got out of a treatment center for human trafficking and substance abuse. You know methamphetamine was her drug of choice and she was sober for two and a half years. I was in Florida fairly recently when I heard that that was going down. I'm not with the mother anymore. We had her when I was playing hockey in Kansas and you know I flew to Kansas and, you know, tried to get my daughter the proper help and what happened was she wanted nothing to do with it and I had to leave. You know I flew back to Canada. I literally had almost had a nervous breakdown as this was going on. I mean I don't wish it on any father addiction, any mental health disorder. The families really take a beating on this Even sometimes a lot more than the actual individual that's going through any issue. My daughter, many issues. I'm incredible, incredible individual. I love my daughter. She's loved my life. I love her more than anything in the world. But I mean, there's no buts, it's just. It just is. The fact of the matter is that you know she had a lot of trauma growing up. She's you know she's an abusive relationship and you know, but look by the grace of God, she's sober today. We were in contact almost every day until she left the treatment center and it didn't surprise me that she left early. You know I've sent a lot, of, a lot of my friends to high end treatment centers and you know they've relapsed the week that they get out. I lost probably five or six friends to addiction during COVID suicides, at least five at least. You know I just found out yesterday to two friends passed on and I didn't know. One was two weeks ago, another one was a year ago. I had no clue. These guys were good friends of mine. I was like I wonder why no one reached out to me. Maybe that's due to the isolation factor too, or nobody wanted to hurt my feelings.

Jerry Dean Lund: 21:51

Yeah or a writer, feel like they're adding more, more to your plate to deal with, right?

Ryan Philips: 21:58

I think that's you know I'm pretty resilient, you know, I think you know you get to the point where you know you've been through enough, you've seen enough and you know I could say, well, it was me, but I think that there's. You know, I don't want to pat myself on the back because I don't want to play victim role, say, oh, I've been through so much, but the fact of the matter is is I have. But that gives me a lot, of, a lot of confidence and a lot of empathy. Empathy and compassion that I can. I can, I can relate to a lot of people because of what I've gone through. It's like I can relate to almost everybody in some way, shape or form and suffering. And you know, if you've been to prison, I can relate with you. If you've been around murders, I can relate with you. If you've been through that, I can relate with you. And I mean I'm not a psychiatrist, but I think sometimes maybe they should give me this certificate. Anyways, they get enough DMs on my Instagram and phone calls about, you know, my phone's like a suicide hotline.

Jerry Dean Lund: 23:03

Yeah, yeah, I mean. Well, I mean having perspective and having those experiences is huge, right, it's just the same thing you just talked about, right, you feel more free to talk to somebody that has gone through those things, and that's I mean, that's why people would reach out to you, Ryan, right, I mean to have that, to get that perspective from you to and right to learn things from you.

Ryan Philips: 23:26

Absolutely. And I'll say one thing about this, because I'm all a lot about identities and certain identities that we take on throughout our physical trail. You know you're Larry, you know that's the name that your parents gave you, but I believe for spiritual beings having a human experience. You know, being a first responder fireman, that was just something that you did, something. Who you are, and I'm very grateful actually to be on this podcast, because most podcasts, you know they just want me on so I can tell my story about shipping. You know all the marijuana across the border, the hockey stuff and whatnot. I mean we can talk, we've touched on it, obviously, because those are, you know, identities that I took on. And you know I've been looked at as Ryan the hockey player, ryan the international drug smuggler and Ryan the humanitarian, which I don't even like that name. I like good human and everybody should be one. So you know, but at the end of the day it's formed a composite character where I realize and I have the self awareness to be like, look, I'm not that person, I'm not the hockey guy, it's just something I did. You know the weed smuggling, it's just something I did. It was ego, you know, amplified ego, even a lot of the stuff that I've done in mental health and in my journey of being a philanthropist, humanitarian, and I write this all in the book that I'm writing right now too. A lot of it, I mean, I did it from the depths of my heart because I love so much. I love people and I want to be of service. I love helping and I love putting smiles on people's faces. It makes me feel good. So, yeah, and do I do these things for me? Yeah, I don't do it to be famous. Even you know National Geographic picked up. Yeah, they got a little bit of my story, which I'm writing the rest in a book and doing another documentary. It's one of the reasons I'm down here anyway. So, you know, the world will see the real Ryan in this time. You know National Geographic. They, you know it's okay. You know it's unlocked up abroad, one of their hit shows, and, you know, honored to that. They, you know, buzz me up and wanted my story, but at the end of the day, you know, 42 minutes with no commercials isn't enough to tell. You know, a story that could actually impact people and which I want to do and which I think I'm on the way of getting to a bit of a higher level. But I want to bring as many people and rise as many people up with me. Whether it's in Canada, the United States, it's global. For me it's global. I have to think global and look, we don't know how many days we've got here on planet Earth. But while we're here, while we're in this physical plane of existence under the great divinity of God, so I say let's try to do the best we can to make this world a better place, right?

Jerry Dean Lund: 26:22

right, Ryan, I mean so how you have some first responder friends and you've made you've right in the military, police and fire and stuff like that. How did you, how did you form those bonds being right in those particular?

Ryan Philips: 26:37

situations that you had been in. Well it's. I was looking for a psychiatrist to interview at the Canadian Mental Health Association in Toronto after about a week, after crossing the country, and I did that in two months. I said a goal. When I started I was 205 pounds and I was done, I was 163. If I took a shower I was afraid I was going to fall down the drain pipe, but so I rode my bike, for I was thinking a hostel, beautiful hostel, very hospitable, and they were all about mental health. So they said, come and stay with us as long as you want. And you know I had some work on the film that we were doing going across Canada and I wanted to, you know, get some first responders, doctors and anybody who was in that mental health arena so we could give some punch and some real truth from professionals, just people that have been through the gamut. And I was asking the lady at the front desk I was on my bike and I wheeled my bike into the hospital there at the well, the association's got a, you know they got a psych board there too. And when I told the lady that I, you know, I just finished going across four countries in the last three and a half months, all for mental health. Do you think I could speak to maybe one of your top practitioners? I'm really interested in getting a video of them. And when I said that I just I locked eyes. It was, you know, a total God shot. And this guy's actually a devote Christian who was an atheist before. And he looks over at me and he's like hey guy. He's like did you just ride your bike across Canada for mental health, are you? The guy saw on the CVC and I'm like yeah, I didn't want any fanfare, but yeah, okay. And he's like well, he's like your name was so familiar. He's like I'm an ex cop. He's like I was on, I was in undercover working with the organized drug task force, whatever it is out there in Toronto, which is a big deal. And he's like I used to hear you on wire taps. You're Ryan Phillips from Canada, the weed guy. I said, oh my God. And I said, yeah, way back in the day. And he's like yeah, way back in the day. And I said what are you in here? What are you doing here? And he goes I'm getting an evaluation. I was. I was put in the psych board for three weeks because of my complex PTSD being undercover. He could have stopped up to 50 plus murders Can't stop it though. He was undercover, he was with these people, he knew these murders were going down and then he had to see the aftermath, which would be you know the flashbacks, you know everything that goes with PTSD. I'm sure a lot of people that listen to this show understand what I'm saying right now, that when you start thinking about that moment, you're in it, and I mean if you don't have those coping mechanisms, you know, because the subconscious mind is like a filing bank that records every single thing from the time we're born. It's so strong, you know, it's like it's our subconscious, is literally running our life. You know, it's the connecting link really. And you know he told me he was on a pension now and we this is a little over four years ago and we became best of friends. So here's, you know, the ex cop who was undercover and the guy, the kid that went to the top of the marijuana pyramid, and then, you know, we end up forming it for me, Just a great relationship. We speak on a daily basis, him and Toronto, me and Vancouver. But you know he introduced me to a lot of military. He introduced me to a lot of police officers, a lot of firemen, you know anything to do with first responders, doctors even, and it's just, we all have so many commonalities. You know the firefighters and the military, the cops and the firefighters it was, it was so at the hockey player, hockey players and you know anyone who has gone through any traumatic events. Really, really, you know they share so similar ideologies on on mental health and I believe that even with addiction, that all addiction actually starts with trauma. A traumatic event leads into addiction because they're trying, they don't know how to cope, so they want to suppress their emotions, they want to self medicate and you know I've been down that road to like I said, I'm seven years sober but I've been in recovery for 17 years. So few slip ups along the way prescription pills, all that kind of stuff, painkillers, benzodiazepines, you name it. So now you see why I'm so very, very passionate about anything mental health I love. I love speaking in schools. I was very blessed to do my second TED Talks after going across Canada. You know, and I do these things. I've never taken up a speaking course in my life but somehow way I don't know how it goes down. I get asked to do these things and I'm very grateful. So this is what I'm going to be doing for the rest of my life is, I believe a lot of awareness comes to through, you know, live streams, podcasts, television media, and people can actually relate with that, because so many people are on their phones these days. It's like an extension to their physical body. Yeah, so I mean, I think more people are watching television shows on their phone. They are at home sitting eating potato chips having a. Budweiser.

Jerry Dean Lund: 32:22

Right, I have a question for you. So you're talking about. You feel like a lot of people have a traumatic incident and then, you know, fall into addiction. But I've been pondering this thought for quite a while and been talking to a few people about it. It's like when in your life have you been taught about emotions?

Ryan Philips: 32:48

That's something that they should be teaching in kindergarten Right off day. One is emotional intelligence, Because as I've gotten older and as we get older, a lot of things start coming back. It's like, oh my God, I'm on the back end now. It becomes almost like Groundhog Day and you got to start recreating yourself a little bit, just to have fun and have some joy in your life. What was that? I kind of gapped out there.

Jerry Dean Lund: 33:20

They're just talking about. When in your life have you been talked to about emotional intelligence? I feel like that's something that we don't get really taught. I know it seems very elementary. We should have some emotional intelligence. We just don't get taught about them.

Ryan Philips: 33:37

I've always been an emotional guy. Maybe that stems from being on a team and very competitive and just having that mindset of wearing my heart on my sleeve too. It's just the way I'm born man, I'm a very emotional guy, but as I've gotten older I'm way more emotional. The astonishing power of emotions. I was actually having this conversation with my friend last night how the emotions, our feelings, our thoughts are actually creating our reality. When you have that awareness, when you're very emotional and you're kind of driven by fear a little bit because you're so emotional and your vibration is changing, and then it's like what am I attracting? Okay, I'm dropping this, oh, a bump into that Things can get a little bit scattered. I know right now a lot of these hockey teams have mental health practitioners that are helping these kids get through emotional times. It's very anxiety-ridden because you're under the pressure valve. But I think when we get on the topic of emotions and emotional intelligence because when we get those deeply rooted, courting emotions, we have to be very careful with that because it can actually cause disease. Same with our thoughts you think enough that you got cancer and you dwell on it. It's basically whatever you think about, you bring about, whatever you focus on truly expands. It's an expansive universe out there that when we send out those rockets of desire from our brain, it's like a radio transmitter. You're going to get it back if you believe it and a lot of times, even if you don't believe it and have no resistance, it's going to come into your consciousness. Emotions to me, I mean God. I'm so vulnerable these days, especially after doing 30 hours plus of trauma therapy. I feel like broken glass. I would teach these kids that bullying is so brutal these days in school. It always has been. But just being able to like for men, for boys, it's okay to cry, it's okay. You get your feelings hurt, it's okay to express your emotions. We are emotional beings. The more we suppress things, the more depressed we get. Subgression leads to depression and the suicide rate has never been higher for young kids. 86% of the suicides right now in North America are men, and I don't know if you knew that stat or not. I did not. Yeah, it's incredible. In my city, vancouver, back in I did a little segment on the most highly condensed drug-inflicted area in North America is in Vancouver. It's on a. You can look it up. It's on a street called East Hastings and in 2010, I did a segment down there. It was called Second Chance and we were trying to get one of these homeless gentlemen down there an opportunity to get into treatment, to build his life back up, and he just didn't want to get better. A few days, you know, we got him some clothes, we got him a phone and he just he didn't want it. Now, instead of 5,000 people being down in that area, there's 30,000 plus people in that area. You are allowed to carry two and a half grams of cocaine legally in your pocket, two and a half grams of heroin, two and a half grams of methamphetamine. You were allowed that is legal now in Canada that you were allowed to have that amount on you. And then all across the side of the street every maybe you know, 100 feet, 100 meters, there's needle exchange places because you don't want there's so many people, you know, sharing needles and whatnot. And yeah, I haven't been downtown Vancouver in eight or nine months because I can't stand the energy. But you never know where those people were to get to that place. You know to think of all the trauma maybe they went through to. You know they had. I don't think we're born addicts. I know for myself if I am an alcoholic because I haven't craved anything. I haven't craved a drink in seven years but I went really hard for a while. I crossed the threshold is what happened with me, and they mentioned that in the books of Alcoholics Anonymous and NA too. I mean, I've done a lot of cocaine. I've done every drug out there. I've never put a needle in my arm with heroin but I've smoked it. And you know I'm very transparent, I'm open and honest about everything with the intention of being able to help others not go down the path. Yeah, you know, and the thing is you know I got. You know, have you? I don't know if you've heard of Gabor Matei.

Jerry Dean Lund: 38:42

I have not.

Ryan Philips: 38:43

Yeah, if you, yeah, maybe look him up out. He's a trauma specialist that's very well known all around the world. I don't care about followers on Instagram, but he's got a couple million followers. He's written some amazing books and he talks about all of it. You know addiction is, is, is literally, it's a ricochet from trauma childhood trauma, usually people that can't cope all that kind of stuff and he's really into psyched. He's really into the whole psychedelic movement and so many people are these days. I was making a dosing with mushrooms. I begin you know there is a movie called Dose and he's featured in that movie with a good friend of mine named Mark Howard and they actually they took, they, they took. They asked a girl and she said, yes, off the street in that area on East Hastings, who was addicted to heroin and they treated her with psilocybin, mushrooms, mega doses to reset her brain, get her through that. It's supposed to help with releasing trauma. I, I, I've a game which is it's, it's almost like a poison that takes you into, you know, clears your body and takes you out of the, the whole trauma response or whatever. And I mean I've never done it. I've done. I, I lost guy, I've done the psilocybin. I've done DMT all the all to try to fix my brain from the concussions and trauma.

Speaker 3: 40:04

None of it really worked.

Ryan Philips: 40:05

I have to say, none of it works for me, I think maybe because of the concussions, but it didn't work for me but it's. but it actually does work for a lot of people. So I'm not an advocate for it, but if it works for you, it works for you. Whatever works, you know, do it. Yeah, but this lady that they got in particular and it's on the movie, you can even check up the trailer. It's great they were. She was able to heal, she was actually able to able to heal and she is. She's in society, she's working now. She's great. And this is a lady who couldn't live without heroin for more than two hours of her life. She was going through, you know, she was living hell and now she's actually living a life. So people can get better and she's. She even said I'm not an addict. I was an addict. The only reason that, the only reason that I used in the first place, is because I wanted to escape my reality of what it was, with all the flashbacks and the memories from the traumatic instances.

Jerry Dean Lund: 41:04

Yeah.

Ryan Philips: 41:05

Yeah, right.

Jerry Dean Lund: 41:07

Yeah, it does. Like Ryan, I mean what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what? And you've been through so much and like and it's probably there's probably not one like, what's your tool to like? You know we're talking about coping a little bit and stuff like that. I mean, what do you suggest? What I mean through this podcast and you've gone, like your perspective and is very good because he has a lot of different things but what could a listener like maybe would you recommend them doing that maybe is struggling with some of the issues that we've talked about today.

Ryan Philips: 41:40

Well, I do everything I can to keep my mind stimulated on the positive, because the negatives inject themselves willingly and you really got to try to do your best to kick that out. So when I feel myself going down the rabbit hole, I'll read a bit, I'll write. You know, like everyone's different. Some people might like to paint. Try to find something that you like to do and fresh air. If you get outside, go for a walk. And I know it's tough. I mean, there's times when I can't, sometimes you just can't get out of bed and I think that society puts too much emphasis on that. You got to be up at a certain time and, yeah, you do If you have a job at a certain place or whatever. But yeah, if you're not feeling so hot, you're going through some stuff. I don't think it's. Why is it wrong to be in bed and kind of bow your demons? I know I have, and I know a lot of other people. They do as well and I still do. So I mean I don't have a lot of coping mechanism information other than so. What works for me is nature, being creative and associating myself with positive, like minded people, and I'm all about co-creation. So if I'm not being creative, I'm not living. You know, last night I got to see a beautiful sunset and I love the contrast of life. I just believe, if you're breathing still, if you're here, that you're here for a divine purpose, and if you're not living that out, figure out what that purpose is and focus on it and have a clear cut vision.

Jerry Dean Lund: 43:26

Yeah, ryan, I love that. Those are really good tools, right, those are straight up really good tools, I think, for everyone to use. I think that doesn't take a lot of right, doesn't take a lot of money to do those things. It doesn't take a lot of effort, takes you. Yeah, definitely, exactly.

Ryan Philips: 43:48

And don't like, don't let it internal trauma take you it doesn't deserve it. You know, and there is a such thing as there is such thing as post traumatic growth, you can get through it, you really can. You can heal. You have to tell, you have to literally, like I said earlier, you got to trick your brain. I am healing, visualize your brain. You know connecting the neural pathways, you know, into homeostasis, you know having, you know your left brain and your right brain working in unison, yeah, and you know when you can actually like, you know, and that's such a special thing that we human beings, the way you know, the way our thought process goes, is that we can actually visualize the healing aspect. So you know when you, when you start dwelling on, on, on what's wrong, we're getting in and get more of what, what, what thoughts are going to attach themselves to that, more negative thoughts. Right Watch, when you say five positive things in a row and get into that habitual group, you say five thoughts that are positive. You know you got another five thoughts and you're on a positive role and life begins to flow better.

Jerry Dean Lund: 44:54

Yeah, yeah, definitely. Well, ryan, thank you so much for your time being on today, and those links to those videos that Ryan's been in his talks and stuff like that will make sure that they're available for you if you're listening in the podcast.

Ryan Philips: 45:10

You know what I'll do is I have the the no commercial version of locked up abroad. I'll send it out to the listeners, all your people, so they can tap on that. I'll send Ted talks, whatever you need. And I mean I don't know. People can follow me on Instagram and I don't know if you're going to have it posted down there, but it's a the Ryan Phillips official. Officially I'm Ryan Phillips on Instagram and you know I'm just trying to get used to this whole social media web. You know, the more followers, the cooler you are, apparently. So I don't know, I might have to take my shirt off and flex my biceps. Anyways, I just want to say I appreciate it If I am, you know, you having me on to to anybody out there. First responder, the people, the people of the world that are suffering in silence. It's always been the message Please reach out for help. Until you get help, go to any lengths, any lengths to get the help, because there is people that care. I care. Hit me up on Instagram. If I can help you, I'll figure out someone that will.

Jerry Dean Lund: 46:15

Yeah, that's a great offer. That's a great offer. I'm there for you too. That's my job. Yeah, that's great. Thank you, I really appreciate it.

Speaker 3: 46:23

Thanks again for listening. Don't forget to rate and review the show wherever you access your podcast. If you know someone that would be great on the show, please get ahold of our host, jerry Dean Lund, through the Instagram handles at Jerry Fire and Fuel or at Enduring the Badge podcast, also by visiting the show's website, enduringthebadgepodcastcom for additional methods of contact and up-to-date information regarding the show. Remember, the views and opinions expressed during the show solely represent those of our hosts and the current episode's guests.