Racing Toward Healing: Chris Perry on Community Service, Motorcycle Passion, and the Journey to Mental Wellness

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Welcome to today's episode of Enduring the Badge podcast.

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I'm your host, jerry Dean Lund, and if you haven't already done so, please take out your phone and hit that subscribe button.

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Special guest today is Chris Perry.

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How are you doing, chris?

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Good sir, how are you?

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I'm doing great.

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Thank you for asking and thank you for taking the time to be on today.

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Chris, can you tell the audience a little bit about yourself and maybe a little bit about what you're doing?

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I've been a police officer for 30 years now.

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I retired from Cincinnati Police Department in February of this year, started at another agency just outside of Cincinnati called Amberley Village Police Department.

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My job there is that of a senior resource officer, which is a program that that's kind of started from the ground up.

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Building this program it's just what I tell people is.

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It's a program that is just doing what we used to do for people.

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So as you were growing up, you always took care of the older people in your neighborhood.

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You know if they needed their grass cut or they needed, sometimes they just wanted to talk cut or they needed they, sometimes they just wanted to talk.

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So that's what I think of.

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It is um, but I'm doing that from the position of being a police officer.

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So I'm just a few months into that.

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We launched it in may.

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Things are going really well.

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People are excited about it.

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I'm excited about it, um.

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I think the best part of it for me is through 30 years of being a police officer.

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I, you know, the day I retired I looked back and I thought what have I really done?

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And you know, as a policeman, you respond, you take care of the situation and then it's finished.

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There's nothing tangible afterwards, so there's no real.

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There's nothing tangible afterwards, so there's no real, and there's nothing to hang your hat on.

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What did I accomplish?

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So I look back at 30 years and I got this opportunity and now I can see the things that I'm doing and it's, it's a rush.

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I mean, it is an absolute rush.

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And I'm, I'm, uh, I'm addicted to adrenaline.

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I race motorcycles.

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You know, I've been in the motorcycles my whole life.

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Um, and this is that, that kind of rush, but it's doing something really worthwhile, that that makes an impact on people's lives, and I can see it.

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So it's, you know, best job I ever had.

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I'll say that why did the department think there was a need for something like this?

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This is the first I've heard about it in personally in the country so, yeah, that's, that's what we kind of looked at.

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Um, in amberly village there is a large percentage of people of that age.

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You know boomers getting older and we all know the aging process.

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I personally experienced losing my mom to Alzheimer's right.

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So I saw the numbers with that and I started looking at things and I thought, okay, that is something I need to pursue and educate myself on.

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So I got a hold of somebody from the Alzheimer's Association and I'm bringing that into this program as well as assisting seniors in getting connected with resources.

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You know, I can't do it all, the police department can't do it all, but I can show you where to go and who to meet with and I do not.

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I can't stand the idea of somebody being by themselves all the time, locked in their house with no contact, you know, and that's so damaging to people you know nobody to talk to that say they can't drive, they can't get out and they're basically a prisoner in their own home, and that's not the way that you should spend the remainder of your life.

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So that's the motivation.

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Yeah, that's some.

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That's some great motivation.

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I know my mom's in her 80s and luckily she can still drive.

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She doesn't have a lot of uh, social like network around her.

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You know, maybe as much as she she could use or need.

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So even though I'm I'm fairly close, it's still very lonely for her.

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Um right, you worked super hard to get to this place of retirement and to enjoy the golden years of your life, but that doesn't really stop.

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Those things aren't the way they used to be.

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I guess a lot of things have changed no, no, and, like today, it leads to isolation, you know, and there's nothing that will damage your mind, and then it affects your body, you know, and you lose hope.

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You don't have any interaction, and so what we're doing is we connect people with resources and then connect them with opportunities to be a volunteer, and I can tell you, just from the volunteer work that I've done, like I I mean, I don't hide my feelings at all I actually have cold chills up and down my arms right now like to volunteer and to make someone smile is one of the coolest things in the world.

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Yeah, you know, I spent 30 years in some of the worst neighborhoods I could possibly be in and, you know, doing some some high-speed stuff, and it never I was.

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I was never that excited about it as I am now doing things for senior citizens and it's like you look at people that, like you just said, they've worked their entire life to get where they are right now and it shouldn't be spent in solitude.

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Yeah.

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Yeah, and I love to see him smile.

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That is fantastic.

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You can't put a price on it well, they just they still have things to give.

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Right, they still have a lot to to give and to contribute to the world.

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I mean, uh, they have.

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There's a lot of historical knowledge that they have and sometimes it's super interesting to hear, like, what's happened over time, if they're able to share those memories.

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But, right, we're talking about Alzheimer's and how you know, that is really just super hard, not only on the person but the family as well.

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Yeah, it's devastating.

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I saw the effects of that personally family as well.

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Yeah, it's devastating.

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I saw the effects of that personally.

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Yeah, there's.

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It's an incredibly cruel disease and there are, unfortunately, there's, a lot of people that don't know what resources are available.

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So that's another.

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Another approach that we have to it is making people aware of what is actually there for them, and I do a lot of work in wellness for first responders, and the number one thing I always say is you know you don't have to do this alone.

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There's no reason to do it alone.

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There are people that will help you.

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I know the world is screwed up right now and there's a lot of division.

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People that will help you.

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I know the world is screwed up right now and there's a lot of division, but there's still some fantastic people that care.

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And when you see that, it gives you a new perspective on what's going on in the world, because if you watch the news, you will get depressed and you will think, oh, it's over, humanity is lost, right.

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But Then you see people doing some incredibly selfless things and you get hope from it and it's not.

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It's not anything other than just people being concerned, for you know their fellow fellow man and that's something that we've lost as a society and I do feel positive about it.

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I see a lot of that and I see it coming back.

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I think people are starting to wake up.

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It's not just about you, and that's a theme that kind of resonated through my journey post PTSD was when I started telling my story.

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It's not about me, that story is not about me.

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That story is about me helping other people.

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So you know, when you first start talking about it it's awkward.

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You know that's some of the most personal stuff in the world, especially in the first responder community.

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Like you never showed a mental health issue, are you kidding me, like in when I was a young, that was the kind of thing that would destroy your career.

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Sure.

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You would never get a preferred assignment.

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You would be thought of and labeled.

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You thought of poorly and labeled and pretty much your career is over.

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Now I see that changing.

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I think it's absolutely fantastic.

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I love it, put it out front in front of everybody.

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And I took a big, a big risk when I when I started speaking about it, but I'd gotten to a point where I didn't care.

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And when you reach a point in your life where you don't care what other people think, it's the most liberating feeling you can have.

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You know, and I I just put it out there and people received it and I got this just inner calm and peace and I thought, yes, for and I know it's not really the first time in my life that I did something positive for people, but that's how it felt.

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You know, I could.

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I could see people's faces when I would talk about the darkest days and how to get help and what therapy looks like, and then the later stages of coming out of therapy and rebuilding your life and seeing beautiful things again.

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But of course, we're always there.

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But now you have the ability to appreciate them and literally see them and for me, like we can talk about it if you you want, but it's sunsets for me was the big thing but I, I get you, I get you.

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Uh, before I retired, I would sit out on my back of my house and watch this, the sun go down and, um, my wife's a big sunset fan, you know, she takes pictures almost nightly of the sunsets and stuff like that, and so it just what it did for me, and I'm curious to how you need, how you aim to see the beauty in things.

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For me it was just taking the time, and it's still taking some time to do this is like just to be present enough to see, really to slow down enough and see that beauty.

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That was always there, but your head was never in a place to slow down to, to see it or enjoy it.

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Absolutely terrible it is.

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it's like, it's like a prison for your brain, yeah, and so my moment was.

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So I remember a quote from years ago that I read and I did not understand it and I it didn't really make sense to me, but it was, and I don't know who wrote it, but it was, or who said it, but it was.

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Be here now and it's super simple, but my brain could not put it together.

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Yeah, so, post PTSD, you know you have to relearn everything emotions, just how you think, and people that have never experienced it have no idea how hard it is to pull yourself out of that pit.

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So I started racing motorcycles again on towards the end of the PTSD recovery phase.

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I didn't realize what I was doing at the time, but I was teaching myself how to ride this style of of of motorcycle, of a dirt track bike or flat track bike.

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I had road race before I had never ridden in the dirt, so I'm teaching myself how to do this road race before I had never ridden in the dirt, so I'm teaching myself how to do this, alongside of me putting myself back together and making myself the person that I always should have been wanted to be, whatever you want to call it.

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So I built my own track at my house.

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I live out in the country.

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It's an incredible story.

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Like it sounds like BS sometimes when I tell it to people, but I'm like it's not, I lived it, you know.

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But it's an incredible story and I love it and I'm I'm incredibly fortunate.

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I am, and that's why I have no problem giving back, like I'll give anything to anybody just to help other people get out of that bad spot.

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So I was making this track and I'm riding around on my tractor, I'm grading it and it's around sunset and I look towards the west and I see this incredible sunset and it's orange and blue and red and gold and I sat there and I just looked at it and I started taking pictures.

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Later that night, when I came in the house I I asked my wife.

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I said do we live in some kind of special spot where we can see sunsets better than everybody else?

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And she's just looking at me like what is wrong with them?

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And she's like happens every night?

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I said I knew that.

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But you just see it.

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It sucks that you, you can miss something as beautiful as a sunset because of this kid.

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You know the state of mind that you're in.

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Yeah but it's uh, every sunset means something to me.

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Yeah, it gave me a lot of like time to just process emotions, yeah.

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Yeah, what I mean?

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Was there something did you feel like when you're on the track or when you're making this track and stuff like that, did you feel like you're in the zone, like this was like meant to be.

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This felt just, I don't know, like a big thrill of energy through you.

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Yeah, it was hyper focus.

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So, like pretty much my entire life, I was always like goal driven and I couldn't focus unless I had, you know, a predefined goal, like there's a mission, there has to be a mission to drive towards, otherwise, if it didn't hold my attention, it didn't happen.

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But when I looked at this, the goal was I wanna be really good at this type of racing.

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I had success as a road racer.

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I'm 50, I'll be 52 in October, so I'm 50 years old and I start looking around and I'm thinking you're really gonna start racing again at 50, right, I've had 10 surgeries knees, wrists, shoulders and I thought this is probably not a good idea.

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But there's still gas left in my tank, right.

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So I got to get out there and I got to.

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I have to accomplish something.

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So the end goal was I want to start winning races at this.

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I've never done it before.

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So, yeah, just hyper-focused and extremely driven, and I pushed hard.

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I made it happen, started winning races, seeing success, and it's really crazy the way it mirrored my progress of coming out of PTSD and rebuilding my life, and I didn't realize that the two were mirroring each other like they were, but when I got towards.

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I mean, let's face it, healing from something like that is never going to be.

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There's never, there's not an end.

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You know there's a constant maintenance phase and you always have to drive to be battles.

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You know I train, I train hard.

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You know I put a lot of laps in, I analyze what I'm doing, I record my laps with my phone, I go over them, you know, and watch my lap times, watch my body position and everything.

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And that's what I do with, with my you know, my personal life.

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Where are we going with this?

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What do we need to adjust?

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What can I do better?

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Can I approach this in a different way?

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Is there a different technique for this?

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And then, when you see success, it's every, every bit of energy that you put into it is 100% worth it and it's winning.

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You know that's, that's another win, that, yeah, they may be small wins and maybe nobody else really would recognize the win, but it's the win for me and I don't want to sound arrogant or whatever, but that's all that's really important.

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You know, when you look at it is is those wins.

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When I win, everybody else can win, because I'm in a good spot and I can.

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I can push forward and share the information that I have learned.

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You know, and other people don't have to.

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You know, go the road by themselves.

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So it's funny because and just now popped in my head that this is what's going on.

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So I've I've taught like three other people how to how to race these types of motorcycles and I've I've talked to so many, countless people coming out of ptsd and, you know, other mental health issues, and I showed them the way.

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So it's just the way the things mirror each other.

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It's amazing to me, but it's.

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I will say it was meant to be called divine intervention, whatever you want to call it.

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I'm, I'm way more spiritual now than I've ever been in my entire life, than I've ever been in my entire life.

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Yeah, there's a higher power.

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I don't know exactly which one it is, but there's something there a lot bigger than us, and you know the desire.

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You know, approaching 52 years old is burning brighter than it's ever been in my entire life.

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So so, chris, am I hearing you correctly?

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Correctly, like you're able to fill yourself up from motor strike writing all this joy and your cup is almost overflowing, and just so you're able to give back yeah, that's, that's what it is.

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And you know, I, I came off, the last race weekend I had was the best race weekend yet.

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And I came in second weekend yet and I came in second right.

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I was always the guy that second place like to to uh, put Ricky Bobby first, first loser right or whatever.

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I said, um, but yeah, it was second place and I, I, I lost the race by like half a wheel length, but it was.

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It was the most fun I've ever had, you know.

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And I come off the track.

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I couldn't have been to be realistic about it.

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I was probably happier with second than I would have been with first, just because of the chase.

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I worked my way through the pack and ran this guy down and if I would have had one more lap or just a few more horsepower, it would have been a win.

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But I wasn't angry about it, I was thrilled to death.

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And it's the same when you work with somebody and they're in a bad spot, you get them in a good spot.

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And then I'll just refer to the most incredible phone call I've ever had.

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It was Halloween of this past year, it was um halloween at this this past year.

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I get a phone call.

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I look at the phone and we're heading down to my niece's house to take her her little boys, out trick-or-treating.

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See the phone ring and I thought man, what is this?

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This is probably not going to be good if he's calling me on a night like this.

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And um, this guy that I've been working with told me he said the reason that I'm out able to go trick-or-treating tonight with the kids is because of you.

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And I said I don't really understand that.

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And he said man, if I wouldn't have met you, I wouldn't be here, I would have killed myself.

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And he's like you saved my life.

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And my wife looked over at me and I had tears flowing down my my face and she looked at me and was like shaking her head, like, oh, my god, what?

00:20:36.838 --> 00:20:43.461
And I gave her a thumbs up and I said I didn't save your life, you saved your life, I just showed you the path.

00:20:43.461 --> 00:20:46.644
And he's like no, man, if it weren't for you, I wouldn't be here.

00:20:47.115 --> 00:20:53.088
And at that moment I asked myself I was like what else do you want?

00:20:53.088 --> 00:20:56.180
Is there a greater victory?

00:20:56.180 --> 00:20:57.324
There's not.

00:20:57.324 --> 00:21:03.476
Is there a greater victory?

00:21:03.476 --> 00:21:03.757
There's not.

00:21:03.757 --> 00:21:11.288
And I would trade every race, win, every accomplishment I've ever had in my life to hear that yeah, yeah, I mean it's and.

00:21:11.288 --> 00:21:17.401
And then to do it several times and each time is just as special as the first.

00:21:17.401 --> 00:21:36.790
I mean that you know, people come into being a first responder in a career and they're like I want to make a difference, and it's such a phrase that's kind of.

00:21:36.790 --> 00:22:01.428
And when you really make a difference there's like I know I've said a couple times, there's nothing greater To a point where I don't.

00:22:01.428 --> 00:22:04.009
Of course I'm happy.

00:22:04.009 --> 00:22:07.332
I can tell you that I'm honestly happy.

00:22:07.332 --> 00:22:09.053
You know, I dealt 22 years.

00:22:09.053 --> 00:22:15.856
I won't say I dealt with it.

00:22:15.856 --> 00:22:17.018
I survived PTSD for 20.

00:22:17.077 --> 00:22:25.147
Find true happiness and true peace is an incredible gift and I'm extremely fortunate and I will never lose sight of that.

00:22:25.147 --> 00:22:25.488
Yeah, I have.

00:22:25.488 --> 00:22:29.980
I have a lot of thoughts, um, cause it's a lot of good, a lot of good uh content.

00:22:29.980 --> 00:22:31.644
And, Chris, obviously you have a.

00:22:31.644 --> 00:22:40.583
You have a great heart and doing, doing great things to help other other people, and I don't mean to like to minimize what you're doing, what you're doing.

00:22:40.583 --> 00:22:42.734
I want to encourage other people to do what you're doing.

00:22:42.734 --> 00:22:49.155
Do you think you're this is something special about you, or do you or do you think other people can do this?

00:22:50.998 --> 00:22:51.959
I think other people can do it.

00:22:51.959 --> 00:22:56.265
I think it's getting your priorities straight and being honest with yourself.

00:22:56.265 --> 00:23:07.768
That was hard, that was really hard, really looking at who you are and what your values are.

00:23:07.768 --> 00:23:23.162
And it's funny because it's kind of ironic, because if you're not 100% and you don't focus on yourself to get yourself right, you can't be that for other people.

00:23:23.162 --> 00:23:27.655
Right, they're going to get a percentage of what you could give them.

00:23:28.718 --> 00:23:31.643
So I call it selflessly selfish, right?

00:23:31.643 --> 00:23:33.866
So I prioritize myself.

00:23:33.866 --> 00:23:35.789
I am number one.

00:23:35.789 --> 00:23:40.346
I have to be the best that I can be to help other people.

00:23:40.346 --> 00:23:46.980
I can't get run into the ground, I can't run out of energy, because then these people are getting cheated, they're not getting what they need.

00:23:46.980 --> 00:24:06.683
And the people that were really influential in getting me to the point where I could be diagnosed with PTSD and then the after, you know, the rebuilding phase, there were people that gave me everything that they had, you know, and they were selfless and they were honest.

00:24:06.683 --> 00:24:16.040
And there were times when they were so honest that it that it angered me but they were telling me the truth, you know, and you can't get angry with the truth.

00:24:16.082 --> 00:24:16.542
You can't.

00:24:16.542 --> 00:24:17.025
You have to.

00:24:17.025 --> 00:24:25.441
You have to get rid of that and say this is, this is, if it's someone you trust and someone you know has your best interests, right?

00:24:25.441 --> 00:24:33.060
If you look at it and you think they're not saying this to be mean, they're saying this to help me and is it bitter?

00:24:33.060 --> 00:24:35.865
Yeah, it is, it sucks.

00:24:35.865 --> 00:24:45.042
But then you sit there and if you reflect on it you think, yeah, I did that, I said that, or I didn't do what I should have done.

00:24:45.042 --> 00:24:51.244
I wasn't the best friend that I should have been Most importantly to me, I wasn't the husband I should have been.

00:24:53.316 --> 00:24:56.061
There was never any abuse, anything like that.

00:24:56.061 --> 00:24:58.428
It was nothing physical, but I was, wasn't present.

00:24:58.428 --> 00:25:02.343
That's that's horrible.

00:25:02.343 --> 00:25:15.915
But then the key to that is self-forgiveness, because if I wallow in that sadness from the thing that I failed to do, I'm never going to get any better, Right, you know?

00:25:15.915 --> 00:25:18.064
So why I'm that's.

00:25:18.064 --> 00:25:30.296
It's just that would be destroying everything I worked for, you know, and so I worked on being a good husband, um, being open, emotional.

00:25:30.296 --> 00:25:30.736
I mean.

00:25:30.756 --> 00:25:46.421
I was emotionally dead for 22 years, um, and one of the things is my wife and I were out at our house walking our dog around our pond and I saw her.

00:25:46.421 --> 00:25:47.663
I looked over and saw her hand.

00:25:47.663 --> 00:25:54.003
I reached over and I started holding her hand as we walked and she just kind of looked at me and I was like well, I said what?

00:25:54.003 --> 00:26:01.086
And she goes I love this, but it's weird and my feelings for her man, I man, I was like weird.

00:26:01.086 --> 00:26:07.407
And she's like Chris, you got to understand, this version of you is not who I married.

00:26:07.407 --> 00:26:09.661
And I said I don't know why you married me.

00:26:09.661 --> 00:26:13.642
That version I wouldn't have and I would have left me a hundred times over.

00:26:13.642 --> 00:26:16.078
And she's like I knew what you were dealing with.

00:26:16.078 --> 00:26:17.964
I wasn't sure what exactly it was.

00:26:17.964 --> 00:26:36.123
She's like I love this version of you, but it is an adjustment and I think that's another important thing for people to understand is that on top of the recovery phase is another mountain to climb, but you have to look at it with a positive attitude.

00:26:36.123 --> 00:26:38.211
You have to have a positive attitude and you have to look at it with a positive attitude.

00:26:38.211 --> 00:26:57.685
You have to have a positive attitude and you have to have self-forgiveness, and I think self-forgiveness is probably a little more important.

00:26:57.685 --> 00:27:01.548
Um, you can't hold on to the past.

00:27:01.548 --> 00:27:07.094
The past is the reminder of what not to be and I might.

00:27:07.094 --> 00:27:08.095
That's another one of my goals.

00:27:08.095 --> 00:27:09.056
I'm driven to get there.

00:27:09.537 --> 00:27:13.164
You know, um, showing emotion, that's another thing.

00:27:13.164 --> 00:27:18.526
That's hard and the thing that irritates me is the fact there's no roadmap for recovery.

00:27:18.526 --> 00:27:21.460
No, but nobody tells you how to do it.

00:27:21.460 --> 00:27:27.115
So, to mirror the dirt track racing, there's no one to teach you how to do that.

00:27:27.115 --> 00:27:31.845
Like there's there's, like there's nothing.

00:27:31.884 --> 00:27:33.709
You ask people are like what do I do?

00:27:33.709 --> 00:27:36.682
Like we go fast and turn left.

00:27:36.682 --> 00:27:38.646
I'm there's more to it than that.

00:27:38.646 --> 00:27:44.156
Like the quote is, is it's easiest thing to do, but it's easier, it's the hardest thing to do.

00:27:44.156 --> 00:27:54.688
Well, in the flat track, racing and the recovery from PTSD mirror each other Exactly and it's that recovery phase that people are missing.

00:27:54.688 --> 00:27:57.528
There's there just because you, you, you.

00:27:57.528 --> 00:28:00.840
There's one of the guys I worked with calls it PTSD school.

00:28:00.840 --> 00:28:02.967
You know you get out of you, get out of therapy.

00:28:02.967 --> 00:28:08.964
So you look at it and you're like, okay, well, ptsd isn't a thing anymore.

00:28:08.964 --> 00:28:09.988
But now what do I do?

00:28:09.988 --> 00:28:16.643
And that's like no man's land and you have to figure it out.

00:28:16.643 --> 00:28:21.691
And it's an incredible learning experience.

00:28:21.691 --> 00:28:24.923
It's a valuable phase in your life.

00:28:24.923 --> 00:28:29.967
You'll learn tremendous amounts of things about yourself and about other people during that.

00:28:29.967 --> 00:28:42.222
But at some point people have to have somebody to rely on that can show them the path, and that's one of the things I really like to do.

00:28:42.576 --> 00:28:46.946
And people will call me and they'll say well, is this, is this normal?

00:28:46.946 --> 00:28:49.386
I was like, well, yeah.

00:28:49.386 --> 00:29:04.134
And then the story I tell people is when I was in a good space after PTSD and my emotions started coming back, my wife and I were watching a Lifetime movie and they're all the same script.

00:29:04.134 --> 00:29:15.781
You know I'm watching the movie and it was a really sad part, like the husband passed away or whatever, and I had tears in my eyes and I thought am I losing it?

00:29:15.781 --> 00:29:16.845
Am I going backwards?

00:29:16.845 --> 00:29:19.109
So you know, I called a really good friend of mine who's a doctor and I said am I losing it?

00:29:19.109 --> 00:29:19.305
Am I going backwards?

00:29:19.305 --> 00:29:22.267
So you know, I call a really good friend of mine who's a doctor and I said, hey, is this, is this normal?

00:29:22.267 --> 00:29:38.881
And you know she kind of giggled and she's like that's awesome, chris, that's fantastic, that's a healthy emotion, but it's you have to have somebody to bounce that stuff off of Cause, otherwise you're going to be full of doubts, like did I really?

00:29:38.881 --> 00:29:40.744
Did I gain any ground?

00:29:40.744 --> 00:29:41.385
Did I make it?

00:29:41.385 --> 00:29:42.489
Am I where I'm supposed to be?

00:29:42.489 --> 00:29:45.278
But there's really no way to to know.

00:29:45.278 --> 00:29:51.130
But then if people network and they have people they can trust, then you can say, yes, that's absolutely normal.

00:29:52.734 --> 00:30:00.325
Something we were always told through the process of our careers is yeah, you don't show any emotion, rub some dirt on it, bury it.

00:30:00.325 --> 00:30:05.416
Um, and especially Gen X I mean, I'm Gen X and that's how we were brought up.

00:30:05.416 --> 00:30:07.501
You know show no weakness.

00:30:07.501 --> 00:30:08.964
Crying is weakness, you know.

00:30:08.964 --> 00:30:12.259
No matter what it was, you just bury it, you know.

00:30:12.259 --> 00:30:29.116
Or they tell you go, go have a few few drinks, and it's like the most unhealthy way way to deal with anything is what we were preached, you know yeah so, yeah, but uh, I'm in a good spot now and I'm loving life.

00:30:29.278 --> 00:30:44.344
I never thought it would be possible, but and I'll never say I did it by myself, I never did it by myself it takes a group of people that care and a group of people that have been there, and that's why it's so important for you know things like peer support.

00:30:44.344 --> 00:30:52.980
Yes, you can have somebody that's going to, and I tell people like I'm not going to have your back, I'm going to be beside you.

00:30:52.980 --> 00:30:58.446
We're going to walk through this together and like we're going to hit it hard together.

00:30:58.446 --> 00:30:59.792
Like we're going to hit it hard together, it's.

00:30:59.792 --> 00:31:02.401
It's not going to be me catching you when you fall.

00:31:02.401 --> 00:31:06.037
I'm going to to be right next to you while we go through every step of this.

00:31:06.037 --> 00:31:09.263
When you do that, people are going to have success.

00:31:09.263 --> 00:31:12.076
You know you can't turn your back on them.

00:31:12.076 --> 00:31:16.554
God, it's frustrating sometimes, you know, and you, you catch yourself.

00:31:16.554 --> 00:31:18.101
You're like, why can't you get this?

00:31:18.101 --> 00:31:21.709
But then you think to yourself like, oh, I remember I was that guy.

00:31:22.075 --> 00:31:23.380
I was that guy that didn't get it.

00:31:23.942 --> 00:31:28.602
Yeah, so there's, there's, there's no judgment, but you want it so bad for them.

00:31:28.602 --> 00:31:31.386
You know yeah.

00:31:31.446 --> 00:31:31.547
Yeah.

00:31:34.214 --> 00:31:37.605
But that's period of my life.

00:31:37.605 --> 00:31:38.145
I'll say that.

00:31:39.497 --> 00:31:40.361
It sounds amazing.

00:31:40.361 --> 00:31:41.902
It sounds like an amazing journey.

00:31:41.902 --> 00:31:55.330
I definitely can understand it was not easy and it did not happen overnight, but I think from what I'm hearing is a lot of like just chipping away at it.

00:31:55.330 --> 00:31:58.648
Right, it was a lot of like I'm feeling this it right, there's a lot of like, I'm feeling this.

00:31:58.648 --> 00:32:09.469
Okay, let me just sit with this, and I don't know if analyze this is the right word or whatever like sit with it and and then just like okay, is this a good emotion?

00:32:09.469 --> 00:32:10.271
This is a bad emotion.

00:32:10.271 --> 00:32:11.276
Where is it coming from?

00:32:11.276 --> 00:32:12.396
How do I deal with it?

00:32:12.396 --> 00:32:32.345
Like, and just take the time to process it, because what I think tends to happen to most risk responders especially you know you're just work, right, just this repetitive cycle of work, work, work, work, work, home, work, home work.

00:32:32.345 --> 00:32:48.174
If you're in the in that mode to like, sit and process your emotions, like until something probably really strikes you hard yeah, yeah, there, there has to be some moment that's life-changing.

00:32:49.696 --> 00:32:51.480
You know where you think, man, that was.

00:32:51.480 --> 00:33:13.256
That was horrible, yeah, and I didn't have that until like the last three years of of my career, where I saw, you know, I was in a traffic unit so we did fatal and serious crashes and I went to a scene of probably the worst fatal I've ever seen and I was in a healthy place and I looked at everything.

00:33:13.256 --> 00:33:16.622
I thought, god, this is incredibly damaging, this is horrible.

00:33:16.622 --> 00:33:23.695
My approach to it and to the witnesses was completely different than anything I'd ever done in my entire life.

00:33:23.695 --> 00:33:35.561
I did the the police part of it, did my interviews, recorded interviews, did everything I needed to do for the investigation.

00:33:35.561 --> 00:33:43.258
Then afterwards I called these were all young people, you know, 21 and 19 years old.

00:33:43.258 --> 00:33:53.821
I pulled them together and I said, hey, this isn't me talking as a policeman to you right now, it's just one human being to another one, I said this is I've never seen anything like this myself.

00:33:53.821 --> 00:33:57.166
This is not normal.

00:33:57.166 --> 00:34:15.128
You may need to get help processing this and these are the places that you can go and these are the ways to get through this, because this is never going to leave your mind, but there's a way to process it and deal with it so it doesn't destroy you.

00:34:15.128 --> 00:34:19.659
And they looked at me and they said we've never heard a policeman talk like this before.

00:34:19.659 --> 00:34:23.067
I said, because I'm not a policeman right now I said I get it.

00:34:23.067 --> 00:34:24.938
You know, this is bigger than that.

00:34:24.938 --> 00:34:26.681
This is about you guys.

00:34:27.603 --> 00:34:31.617
Um, I walked away from that and I had a big smile on my face.

00:34:31.617 --> 00:34:32.840
I felt I was proud.

00:34:32.840 --> 00:34:34.864
I thought I would have never done that before.

00:34:34.864 --> 00:34:37.077
Yeah, that was a win.

00:34:37.077 --> 00:34:39.644
You know, I, I, I talk about those small wins.

00:34:39.644 --> 00:34:42.101
I'm sure they didn't see it as a win.

00:34:42.101 --> 00:34:44.960
They're just like oh, this guy really cares, but that was a huge win for me.

00:34:44.960 --> 00:34:51.784
And I keep track of those wins and anytime you start feeling down or negative, look back on your wins.

00:34:51.784 --> 00:35:13.201
That'll drive you, that'll fill your gas tank back up and just go hammer down and push further, see how much you can accomplish and, um, that's like what an incredible change of events for me.

00:35:13.541 --> 00:35:15.963
You know it's just.

00:35:15.963 --> 00:35:17.891
You know you get a peer support group.

00:35:17.891 --> 00:35:23.246
You get, you know, clinicians that know how to process trauma.

00:35:23.246 --> 00:35:25.170
They know what they're doing.

00:35:25.170 --> 00:35:31.603
You know they're culturally competent because they're let's face it, we're a very unique culture.

00:35:31.603 --> 00:35:49.864
Yes, right, and there's not a lot of people that can understand us, um, but when you get matched up with the right therapist, I mean it's full speed ahead and yeah, I mean, I mean I'm thrilled where I am now.

00:35:49.864 --> 00:35:54.300
I just it's a point where you almost feel guilty.

00:35:54.300 --> 00:36:01.041
You know, like I shouldn't feel this good, but I do feel this good and I'm not ashamed of it.

00:36:01.041 --> 00:36:04.139
It's I'm blessed.

00:36:04.139 --> 00:36:06.016
I know that's another term that's overused.

00:36:06.016 --> 00:36:09.677
Sometimes things just are what they are.

00:36:09.677 --> 00:36:12.128
Know I've been very fortunate.

00:36:12.128 --> 00:36:16.978
I'm blessed, um, I love helping people.

00:36:16.978 --> 00:36:19.121
You know it's.

00:36:19.963 --> 00:36:23.090
I've never thought so at 30 years of a career.

00:36:23.090 --> 00:36:30.135
My only goal when I retired was I wanted to buy a gravel truck and haul gravel right, and I wanted to go from point a to point b.

00:36:30.135 --> 00:36:33.224
You order your gravel, I deliver a drop where you want.

00:36:33.224 --> 00:36:38.963
I don't have to talk to anybody, I don't have to feel anybody's pain or see horrible things.

00:36:38.963 --> 00:36:41.210
But then I started thinking about.

00:36:41.210 --> 00:36:55.217
I was like that's not, that's not me, and then I came out of this whole ptsd fog and I was like you still have so much to give and so many experiences that will be lost unless you share them with people.

00:36:55.217 --> 00:36:57.181
And so that was.

00:36:57.181 --> 00:37:00.976
I mean, there's a lot of motivating factors, but that was, that was a huge one.

00:37:00.976 --> 00:37:04.331
It was like I I paid a price, you know.

00:37:04.331 --> 00:37:09.793
But I don't regret paying that price, cause if had I not gone through the hell that I did, I wouldn't be where I am today.

00:37:10.514 --> 00:37:10.775
Sure.

00:37:11.496 --> 00:37:17.576
And not one of those 22 years is somebody asked me once aren't you bitter about losing 22 years of your life?

00:37:17.576 --> 00:37:19.262
I didn't lose 22 years of my life.

00:37:19.262 --> 00:37:22.411
That's what I had to go through to get where I am today.

00:37:22.411 --> 00:37:24.833
It's not lost.

00:37:25.574 --> 00:37:36.427
Right To probably appreciate life at the level that you appreciate life and the level that you can contribute to society and your family and friends and stuff like that.

00:37:37.150 --> 00:37:45.918
You know you mentioned something so funny, like I wanted to be a gravel truck and go from point A to point B, and you know I'm not talking about you feel anything.

00:37:45.918 --> 00:37:48.516
I really wish I had a poll.

00:37:48.516 --> 00:38:02.030
I pull right now and this was live, to see how many people would be like oh yeah, that's how I feel too, because that's what I hear, right, I hear from all the people around me like I'm like and I'm not that person, I'm like, why would you want to do that?

00:38:02.030 --> 00:38:05.764
Why would you want to go just stock shelf someplace and just have that job?

00:38:05.764 --> 00:38:12.253
And so for some people probably it makes them happy and fills them up and you know just to do it.

00:38:12.253 --> 00:38:23.554
But I'm like you've had such a career it's been so engaging with people and surrounded by people, and now you're just going to like retire and just cut the people out of your life Totally.

00:38:23.554 --> 00:38:26.342
It's definitely not, not going to be healthy.

00:38:27.170 --> 00:38:29.139
No, and like you said, for some people that may work, but for me it wasn't going to be healthy.

00:38:29.139 --> 00:38:33.114
No, and like you said, for some people that may work, but for me it wasn't going to work and I knew that.

00:38:33.114 --> 00:38:35.019
And then that that's another thing.

00:38:35.019 --> 00:38:42.824
That kind of puts you in that space where you're thinking where do I go now because I'm not going to be happy driving a gravel truck.

00:38:42.824 --> 00:38:48.543
I have to have interaction and I have to have like I need goals.

00:38:49.664 --> 00:39:36.161
You know whether it's to knock a second off of a lap time or to get somebody to the point where you know they're, they have a great relationship with their kids, or they can get back with, you know, get in a good place with their spouse where they were just existing together they were basically like roommates and then they tell you you know we, we have date nights and you know we have a great romantic relationship now and I truly still love this person before I've fallen in love with them again yeah it's like you know, like, what else do you want and I said that before but like, like being able to help a family get back together so that kids don't grow up in a broken home.

00:39:36.782 --> 00:39:44.420
You know, I don't know this is you're, I never would have go ahead.

00:39:44.440 --> 00:39:45.302
you're off to great things.

00:39:45.302 --> 00:39:46.449
No, you're good, you're off.

00:39:46.449 --> 00:40:36.213
You're off doing great and amazing things and, and you can tell, I can tell when people will watch this, you know, on YouTube or whatever, see the sound bites of this, they'll see, like you have, that just happiness is like radiating from you, like and enjoy, and you know I can hear the fulfillment and you know I can hear the fulfillment and you know, and just the love to help people and like, yeah, that 22 years got you to the person you are today, which seems pretty amazing to me, chris, and like there's definitely, you know, in the first respond world need more people like you to help others, get better and do better yep and I.

00:40:37.014 --> 00:40:41.202
I just I had one key person in my life that set it all in motion.

00:40:41.202 --> 00:40:47.159
Um I an incredible thing that happened.

00:40:47.159 --> 00:40:56.137
I for a long time I asked myself why and how, and then I got to a point where I just thought this is once again.

00:40:56.137 --> 00:40:57.059
This is bigger than me.

00:40:57.059 --> 00:40:59.543
I'm not sure how it happened.

00:40:59.543 --> 00:41:03.376
Be honest with you, I don't really care, because I'm here now.

00:41:03.376 --> 00:41:07.704
I mean, what's, what's to ask?

00:41:10.510 --> 00:41:29.862
You know, yeah, you know I'm rarely am I speechless, but trying to trying to convey what that that feels like when you get to that point where you're done asking and wondering why, you just basically go full circle back to be here now.

00:41:29.862 --> 00:41:34.938
You know, yeah, be where your feet are and just live in the moment.

00:41:34.938 --> 00:41:45.503
And you know, let's get it, let's go after it, and things will be what they are and they can be so much greater if you're in a positive mindset.

00:41:45.503 --> 00:41:52.681
You know, your head's clear and it's the way I look at racing motorcycles now.

00:41:52.681 --> 00:41:59.539
There's no, there's no, like I'm not nervous.

00:41:59.539 --> 00:42:12.360
I know if I go and I do the things that I know how to do and I give everything to it and I go into it with a positive mindset, I would be so much more successful than I would have been if I would have been uptight and nervous and think well, I have to get first.

00:42:12.360 --> 00:42:35.168
You don't have to get first, you have to give your best, yeah, but, and sometimes it's not first, sometimes it's not fifth, but if you put an honest effort in and you work, that's the best that you can do at the time and take credit for it and don't look at it Second place is first loser, and I mean for it and don't look at it second place's first loser and I mean that was bred into me

00:42:35.228 --> 00:42:56.742
you know, so much negative things that, yeah, and you know, and I know it's in different generations as well, but it was just that thing where winning is the only thing and you can't enjoy what you're doing because now this is something where, if you're not first, you're a failure, and I don't subscribe to that theory anymore in any way, shape or form.

00:42:56.742 --> 00:43:05.503
But I will put myself first so I can have the ability to give 100% of myself.

00:43:05.503 --> 00:43:08.730
I'm not going to risk myself.

00:43:08.730 --> 00:43:12.210
I'm not going to go backwards myself.

00:43:12.210 --> 00:43:12.913
Yeah, I'm not going to risk myself.

00:43:12.913 --> 00:43:13.554
I'm not going to go backwards.

00:43:13.574 --> 00:43:18.050
I can pass someone onto another person that maybe can deal with this other person better, maybe they'll get along better.

00:43:18.050 --> 00:43:21.757
Maybe I'm tired from work or you know whatever.

00:43:21.757 --> 00:43:34.315
But have enough self-awareness to know this is probably not the best person for me to work with right now, or, you know, I'm not in the best spot right now.

00:43:34.315 --> 00:43:39.773
So take some time, pull back, you know, gather yourself up and then go after it again.

00:43:39.773 --> 00:43:49.896
But the boundaries are huge, you know, and if you extend those boundaries, then that person that you're trying to help is not going to get what they need.

00:43:51.340 --> 00:43:53.443
Right, yeah, you're so right Lesson learned.

00:43:56.291 --> 00:43:57.273
I learned that the hard way.

00:43:57.273 --> 00:44:00.561
Um, it all turned out, but it was.

00:44:00.561 --> 00:44:06.800
It was one of those things where I did that self-reflection and I saw where I where I messed up.

00:44:06.800 --> 00:44:16.414
I didn't know any better where I where I messed up, I didn't know any better.

00:44:16.414 --> 00:44:30.478
I was operating on my heart, just on my heart and and not thinking about me as well as the other person and I.

00:44:30.478 --> 00:44:31.403
Not a bad thing, learning experience, you know.

00:44:31.403 --> 00:44:36.920
So take this learning experiences and you know, put them back your head and draw from in the future yeah, chris.

00:44:37.101 --> 00:44:40.572
Is there anything that we haven't talked about that you think the audience should know?

00:44:43.655 --> 00:45:00.648
um, I would say when you're young and you're going into the first responder field, remember more overtime equals more trauma.

00:45:00.648 --> 00:45:03.394
Live within your means.

00:45:03.394 --> 00:45:12.019
That's huge Plan for the future because, believe it or not, you actually are going to make it into your 50s and 60s.

00:45:12.019 --> 00:45:13.621
And I never thought I would.

00:45:13.621 --> 00:45:21.362
I wish I would have saved more money, I wish I would have made better decisions, but we're all young and we make mistakes.

00:45:21.362 --> 00:45:23.996
And take care of yourself.

00:45:23.996 --> 00:45:26.744
Make yourself priority number one period.

00:45:26.744 --> 00:45:31.322
You are the most important person in the world and people say.

00:45:31.322 --> 00:45:32.548
People say well, what about my kids?

00:45:32.548 --> 00:45:36.862
Well, if you're not 100, you're not going to be the best version of yourself for your kids.

00:45:36.862 --> 00:45:39.436
Yeah, think about it.

00:45:39.436 --> 00:45:41.701
It only makes sense when you look at it like that.

00:45:41.701 --> 00:46:03.202
Um, so I can really think about, you know, is when you you see the younger ones coming up and you see yourself 30 years ago and you get frustrated with them, like if you're a peer support person working with younger people, just think about where you were, I mean don't lose sight of that.

00:46:03.771 --> 00:46:04.873
Don't forget where you came from.

00:46:04.873 --> 00:46:09.603
We all made stupid mistakes and had a screwed up attitude.

00:46:09.603 --> 00:46:14.132
Right, you know we didn't know you.

00:46:14.132 --> 00:46:29.442
You know you don't know what you don't know, but you know just if you find somebody to be like that and you think, oh, this person's a little bit goofy or whatever, just think back to yourself how you were and then approach it like that and but be there for regardless.

00:46:30.485 --> 00:46:39.992
You know and it may it may take a couple times to connect, but you know you can't give up and people, people are not disposable, they're not throwaways.

00:46:39.992 --> 00:46:44.780
That's another, another thing that I I hold to it.

00:46:44.780 --> 00:46:55.474
We look at a person um say they were a stellar employee and they did an absolutely great job and they were fun to be around, and you see this drastic change.

00:46:55.474 --> 00:46:59.175
Ask why Ask the hard question?

00:46:59.175 --> 00:47:05.461
Yeah, they may get angry with you, but you may save their life by asking the hard question.

00:47:07.114 --> 00:47:08.018
Yeah, I agree with you there.

00:47:08.909 --> 00:47:17.023
You know, ask that question I've seen that so many times throughout 30 years is we saw somebody crumble and nobody ever asked why.

00:47:17.023 --> 00:47:20.295
They just said bad things about them.

00:47:20.295 --> 00:47:22.121
You know.

00:47:22.121 --> 00:47:33.318
Yeah yeah, but nobody, ever, nobody ever bothered to dive deep into it and put themselves out there Right why we lost people.

00:47:33.318 --> 00:47:35.657
People died because of that.

00:47:35.657 --> 00:47:38.952
That can't happen.

00:47:41.018 --> 00:47:48.896
Yep, yeah, a lot of great wisdom, chris, a lot of great things from it.

00:47:48.896 --> 00:47:53.302
Where can people reach out to you if they want to see what you're doing?

00:47:56.711 --> 00:47:58.599
My email is C Perry.

00:47:58.599 --> 00:48:05.884
Last name is P E R Y at Amberley villageorg, and Amberley is spelled a M B E R L E Y.

00:48:05.884 --> 00:48:09.777
I've done a couple other podcasts.

00:48:09.777 --> 00:48:14.518
One was with Dave Leith from the Hero Academy.

00:48:14.518 --> 00:48:15.876
I think it's episode 79.

00:48:15.876 --> 00:48:22.856
That was the first one I did, but if anybody wants to speak to me, get with me through my email.

00:48:22.856 --> 00:48:25.057
I'll help anybody that I can.

00:48:25.057 --> 00:48:27.235
I'll never turn anybody away.

00:48:27.235 --> 00:48:33.835
Another thing is and some people kind of look at me funny and look at me sideways when I say it I have no secrets.

00:48:33.835 --> 00:48:36.882
If you ask me a question, I'll give you an answer.

00:48:36.882 --> 00:48:45.735
It may not be the answer you were expecting or the answer that you want, but it's an honest answer and you know that's the only way you learn.

00:48:46.398 --> 00:48:51.827
Yeah, it's fair I'm not keeping it to myself nobody's gonna benefit.

00:48:52.688 --> 00:48:56.195
Nobody's gonna benefit from my experiences unless I I share them.

00:48:56.195 --> 00:48:58.701
So they're not going to be censored.

00:48:58.701 --> 00:49:06.068
Yeah, you know, it's just to me that's the best way yeah, well, thank you so much for being on today.

00:49:06.068 --> 00:49:09.376
I really appreciate it I I appreciate the opportunity this.

00:49:09.376 --> 00:49:10.358
This has been a good time.

00:49:10.358 --> 00:49:11.059
I appreciate it.

00:49:11.380 --> 00:49:12.724
Yeah, no, it's been awesome, Thank you.

00:49:12.724 --> 00:49:14.313
Thanks again for listening.

00:49:14.313 --> 00:49:19.231
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00:49:19.231 --> 00:49:46.336
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00:49:46.336 --> 00:49:56.077
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