Preserving Health Amidst Serving Others: A Talk with Monica Crawford

Jerry Dean Lund: 0:04

Welcome to today's episode of Enduring the Badge Podcast. I'm host Jerry Dean Lund and if you haven't already done so, please take out your phone and hit that subscribe button. I don't want you to miss an upcoming episode. And hey, while your phone's out, please give us a rating and review. On whichever platform you listen to this podcast on, such as iTunes, apple Podcasts and Spotify. It helps this podcast grow and the reason why, when this gets positive ratings and reviews, those platforms like Apple Podcasts and Spotify show this to other people that never listened to this podcast before, and that allows our podcast to grow and make a more of an impact on other people's lives. So if you would do that, I would appreciate that from the bottom of my heart. My very special guest today is Monica Crawford. She is the CEO and owner of Fierce 505 and Fit. She has a mission to promote health and wellness to the first responder community. She talks about prioritizing yourself first so you can fill up your own cup before you give to others. That'll help you thrive at home, other personal areas in your life, it'll help you have a fulfilling career and that self-care will lead to a balanced lifestyle for you, for your family and get you to retirement healthy, both physically and mentally. Now let's jump right into this episode. Hey, dean Monica.

Monica Crawford: 1:27

I'm good. How are you?

Jerry Dean Lund: 1:28

I'm doing very well, thank you. Got back from a short vacation, but so trying to get back in the swing of things is always a little bit difficult, as I'm sure you can understand.

Monica Crawford: 1:39

Absolutely.

Jerry Dean Lund: 1:40

Being an entrepreneur yourself. So, monica, tell the audience a little bit about yourself.

Monica Crawford: 1:47

So my name is Monica Crawford. I am from Tulsa, Oklahoma. I am I was a former full-time law enforcement officer. I'm still part-time in that space with the current state agency. I'm also the owner and CEO of Five O'Fears and Fit and I help female first responders and some of the guys too, but mainly female first responders help you guys get your confidence back and thrive and work and life.

Jerry Dean Lund: 2:12

Awesome. I'm going to start with the confidence part. Confidence like what we're type A personalities. Supposedly there are quotes if you're not watching this on YouTube, so why would I have a confidence level issue?

Monica Crawford: 2:31

Oh goodness, it could be because of a lot of things I know as it's pretty common as first responders and law enforcement specifically get later into the career. You start out young. You're typically in shape or at least somewhat in shape when you get into the career and we find that the stressors of the job and the hours and the shift work and all of those things A lot of times it leads to being out of shape and you're dealing with stress, you're dealing with trauma and then all of a sudden you look down and your gut sticking out past your belt, like your belt, you're just feeling immobile and stiff and sluggish and all of those things. So if you show up to work each day and you're feeling shitty, I mean your confidence is probably not going to be the greatest Right. It's like that one thing I've heard you look good, you feel good type thing. So I would think I mean your confidence in your command presence. That's always a huge thing that we talk about, especially in law enforcement right, especially for women like myself. I'm five, three, like 150 pounds, so I'm automatically like discounted. I feel like when I show up to scene with most people some people, maybe not all, but you know people sometimes see female officers as maybe not being as strong or as fit. So really taking control and being empowered in your health and fitness journey and with your self care routine that's something that I love to help women do and get back so that when they show up to work they are 100% confident in themselves and their abilities. Because in today's world, when safety is the most important, like everything's so much more dangerous now, with everything going on like you have to be on your end game every day when you go to work and if you're not, you're raising that risk level every time you go into work not having that confidence and not feeling good or capable in yourself.

Jerry Dean Lund: 4:13

Yeah, and then people can see that in you, your partners or other people that you work with.

Monica Crawford: 4:21

Yeah, I mean, it's definitely a thing. It's like. I mean the more extreme examples you know, you always see, like the image of like the fat out, like out of shape cough that's got like food on their chest and from like eating or whatever. First is like I mean everybody acts a little bit different when that one really big, fit guy shows up on scene, right, Like you see it happen. Like you get that one guy that you're like he shows up and everybody shuts up, Like everybody stops talking because they're like ooh, I don't want to make him mad. Well, if we can show up and at least command respect to the scene, I mean, that's what you're asking for, right? Like then you've accomplished something, Right, so you don't have to be that six foot tall, like 250 dude, that's just like I'm going to smash you here in a second If you, if you buck up to any type of thing.

Jerry Dean Lund: 5:02

Right Right Now. I sorry I didn't want to lead into such like a hard question, but that is like confidence is, is is key, right? No matter what field you're in if you're in a dispatcher or a firefighter or in law enforcement. Like lacking that confidence is just a. It's kind of a adds to another stress of your life and then it's just like I feel like it snowballs. Do you see that Like when in people that there's maybe something little's happened and then it's kind of like snowballed into other things it can, um.

Monica Crawford: 5:39

I mean when, when clients come to me and and I have that first conversation with them, I mean everybody's at a different point in their journey. Some people are really hurting because they got hit with the doctor saying, uh, you're pre-diabetic, um, and we're going to put you on this medicine and this medicine and oh, by the way, you should probably start eating better. And they're just like whoa, like this is bad, I'm going down this wrong path. So I mean you have those people that are in like dire need, like health issues, of like trying to turn back this curve or this path that they're on Um. But then you have the also people that come to me that are just like I want to be the best version of myself, like I know that's not me right now and I know that like my life and my career and like my success depends upon it. So like, help me get there, help me be the best that I can be.

Jerry Dean Lund: 6:22

And then you have to work with those two types of clients a little bit differently.

Monica Crawford: 6:28

Yeah, for sure. Um, it just. I mean, everybody comes in at a different starting point because everybody's at a different place in life. Right, there's no prerequisites or anything to work with me, um, because I can take you like where you're at and we can figure out what those steps are to get you to your end goal. Um, because everybody's got different angles too, right, like it's got to be catered to where they're at and then help bridge the gap to where they want to get to. Um, so it just depends. I mean, it's it's everybody's different journey, it's everybody's different step. Um, you know, obviously, like the challenges are going to be different whether you're law enforcement, ems or fire, if you're working 24, 48s, 12s or 10s, or if you're on nights, like everybody has, plus there's people the night shift, people who have kids and like childcare and all that stuff. Like I feel, I feel for y'all, um, because they're flip, flopping schedules all the time, and like I can't sleep during the day, like I got to be up for X, y and Z and I'm like okay, like let's, let's manage the hell out of this. Like let's break this down hour by hour, so where we have like time management on point, so that you're maximizing every minute of your day that you can. So it looks a little bit different for everybody, because everybody has different challenges and caveats and things that they have to prioritize within their life too.

Jerry Dean Lund: 7:35

Yeah, that's why you have to have, like some you know, a personal like trainer or accountability person or whatever, that they can dial that in for you, because it does look so different for everybody. And especially, I do feel bad for people that have to work nights, um, even no matter what profession you have. Like that's extremely hard, um, both mentally and physically. So, yeah, dialing that in is huge.

Monica Crawford: 8:02

Yeah, it is, and those are a lot of people I mean, those are the ones I enjoy working with because it's like it's such a big challenge but just even like laying that out and giving them some sort of normalcy and like I mean, most of us like routine and structure, right, like I feel like that's like the type of thing that you're talking about. So if I can help them find that routine and structure, even when their life is literally flipped upside down because they're awake when everybody's asleep, like it kind of helps bring that structure and like that almost sense of peace back to their lives because there's like it's like organization again instead of just like chaos all the time.

Jerry Dean Lund: 8:33

Yeah, I think your physical health plays such a big role in your, in your mental health, Like you can't really separate those out. Um, I don't think you can't be super physically healthy and then you know and forget the mental health portion of the side of things because they're so tied together by even what you're doing and eating. I mean, that makes a difference in how you're feeling and thinking.

Monica Crawford: 8:59

Right. Yeah, people don't realize. I think those are like the small wins, especially in the beginning, which is really cool to watch. People start to get hooked because they're like, oh my gosh, like I haven't lost any weight yet, like I don't see any physical progress, but I'm sleeping so much better, like my mental clarity is so much better, my energy is so much better. I'm like okay, great, we're on the right track, so let's keep doing more of this. Um, but the self-care side of thing is one thing I'm a huge advocate of and actually it ends up being a bigger part of the program than you would think of me trying to tell these people like you have to prioritize self-care, you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of others, because, especially in first responder fields, like we are wired to always think about other people, that we forget to think about ourselves, and so even just working it into the daily schedule of, can you find 10 to 15 minutes, like first thing in the morning or maybe before you go to bed, to read a book, to sit in silence with your coffee, to go for a walk, like it doesn't have to be these like giant things of like, oh, I need to have like a spa day or something like that, which is great, absolutely.

Jerry Dean Lund: 9:59

You do that.

Monica Crawford: 10:01

But, realistically speaking, if you can carve out 10 to 15 minutes of your day, then you're on the right track of at least like doing something that fills your cup. I feel like it's so cheesy, but it's so true. It's like you have to fill your cup so it pours over to others, because if you have nothing left to give in your cup, your cup is empty. Then you have nothing left to give. So you can't. If you can't do anything for yourself, you can't do anything for others.

Jerry Dean Lund: 10:21

Yeah Ha. This is a Broncos is kind of the talk of the town and some of the things I like being, you know, physically active is this even just simply stretching, and mobility is so huge Especially as a police officer with a duty belt and a vest and all the other crap and a car turning sideways like Once you I feel like you lose, start losing that mobility. It really does start to play into your, your overall just health and how you feel about yourself.

Monica Crawford: 10:52

Yeah, that's a part of it too, and in the coaching programs that I do, I actually throw optional mobility Stuff in there just to give some extra stretching, whether it's for like warm-up, cool down or just like whenever you need it, because that's a big thing too. I mean, it's like the 10% of calls that you get where shit goes sideways and you have to run after somebody, have to climb a fence, or you have to Fit through a hole or like God knows what, right when it rains of course, but those are the times when you're like oh shit, like those are the oh shit moments that people are like oh god, like I have a problem, I need to fix this, like I'm not as agile as I thought I was, or I'm not as quick as I thought I was, or I mean a lot of people you're here. They're like well, we had a foot pursuit and I about halfway died and I'm like that happens.

Jerry Dean Lund: 11:30

Yeah, I think that happens the best of us.

Monica Crawford: 11:32

But I get what you mean, um, and every once in a while you get. You get the ones that are just like I fought somebody and it like I was breathing way too hard. I'm like, yeah, that's. I mean, obviously you're gonna be breathing hard, it's gonna be a high adrenaline, heart rate spikes, all of those things. But you get to that point and thinking Could this have gone sideways? If so, how? How can I prevent this next time? Or if I had to keep fighting, do I feel confident that I that I could have kept going and could have been safe about it?

Jerry Dean Lund: 12:02

Right, there's no real warm-up before you, like getting a foot pursuit or go into a fire or do these different things. There's, there's no warm-up time like. So that's what I think mobility is this huge and just like even taking the little small moments that you can, um, you know, to stretch or walk or do these, do these different things. Um, right, so go ahead.

Monica Crawford: 12:24

I was just gonna say on the most basic level. I mean, I think all of us at some point it doesn't matter what who you are has given cpr and you like that's like the best example, right. Like you give cpr for a minute and you're like gassed because it's just you don't understand the possibility of why your arms are like burning and you're just like breathing so hard and sweating. So that's one of the examples I like to use pretty often, because I mean police fire and emas. All of us give cpr at some point in time, and so it's. It's a wake-up call real quick when you're like I worked for a minute, like I did cpr for a minute, like why am I breathing and sweating, like sweating so much?

Jerry Dean Lund: 12:55

And, plus, it's not in like the ideal conditions, right. It's not like the person's generally like in this nice big open area or things like that. It's just in these awkward positions that you have to try to do the best you can, and so that's more taxing on your body than actually finding a place where you can do it properly. Um, sometimes, because, right, you can't physically just move a person by yourself.

Monica Crawford: 13:16

Right, yeah, there is that. And the joke which is like, true most of the time, as they're always in the bathroom.

Jerry Dean Lund: 13:22

Yeah, yeah.

Monica Crawford: 13:24

Yeah, we find there's a lot of them.

Jerry Dean Lund: 13:27

Well, let's dive into a little bit about your, your law enforcement career.

Monica Crawford: 13:34

Sure, so um back in 2013, I graduated um from Bowling Green State University. It's in Ohio, near Toledo, um. For those who aren't familiar, um got my master's of criminal justice there. Um once I graduated, I started working. At the time, I thought I had to work within the. I wanted to work within the court system Um, so I was thinking like probation work from like the court view Um. So I had a couple jobs within the courts Um. One as like a probation intern. Another is like a pre-sentence investigation report writer. Did those things. Um Realized I didn't want to stay in the Toledo area because it's cold like all the time up there. I hated, it was miserable. Um. So your northerners I don't know how you do it Um, but I moved and I it was one of those things was like my family's in Kansas City, so it's like I need to move somewhere back this direction. Um landed in Tulsa. Um started working for DOC, probation and parole Um, which here is cool because they send you through the police academy To be so your sworn law enforcement. Technically, as a probation and parole officer is just like different ends of the spectrum of like You're arresting people, you're doing home visits, you're not working the street. So I did that for a couple years and then made the transition to law enforcement. Um first had a part-time job with an agency and then went full-time. Um was with that full-time agency for about three and a half three and a half years and then came back part-time, which is where I'm at now.

Jerry Dean Lund: 14:55

Yeah, so I find it interesting. I don't feel like most people like, wow, you want to do those type of things, like Not be out and doing those other crazy wild things I mean those can get crazy wild too, I know but like that's kind of a different, unique path to to get to where you are today.

Monica Crawford: 15:13

It is it's one of those things I think if you would have asked me when I was in college, I was like no, like I'm never gonna be a street cop like I was. I was very intrigued and still am. I enjoy the court system and being a part of the Court system. Being around the courts which that's probation was kind of the hybrid of that where you got to Still work closely with the courts and you would go into the DA's office and be like this guy's a shithead, throw him back. You know stuff like that. Or you could arrest in the office, but it wasn't necessarily street work. So I mean you did, you did a little bit of a both, which was cool. So it was a cool hybrid for a little while. Um, and had it's challenges. I mean, across the country we're dealing with high imprisonment rates and they're trying to keep more people out of prison than in prison. So you're kind of fighting that there of like this person needs to go back and they're like no, work with them, work with them, work with them, like all of these things before you actually like send them back. So that could be frustrating when you had somebody who needed it, but otherwise I mean it was pretty rewarding. It was cool. That's kind of where I learned like I enjoy working people through a process. I mean you got to work people through the rehab process. Um it because most of them were were drug offenders, like low level drug offenders. You had your violent offenders in there, but, um, I mean they were going to be on probation for a while, but it was cool to see the ones who actually graduated off and got their lives back on track and said thank you for helping me along the way, like those were.

Jerry Dean Lund: 16:25

Those are really cool to work with? Yeah, those are definitely cool moments. So why'd you go from, you know, being a full-time officer to part-time?

Monica Crawford: 16:36

So here's the can of worms. So I made my move to full-time law enforcement with an agency here. It was a city police department Would have been 2018. Yeah, 2018, ish. It was one of those. That was it was marketed to have like a great environment, great training, great career, like all these different specialty units, all of these things. So getting started out, I was like cool, like this is my dream Agency, like thinking I'll never have to apply to a police department again because you know how long drawn out those processes are. It's just so exhausting. Got in there, got in through the police academy, which at this point, was my second round through the police academy, because I went through the state academy for the other job and then went through their academy, which was a repeat of the state academy, and then some, which is what was specific to their agency. Two weeks in, we had a training officer who, in most polite way I could put it, was probably not well versed in physical fitness, much Ended up injuring my rotator cuff in my shoulder, like week two of the academy, because the PT was like they ran us into the ground with the PT stuff Ended up, went through 24 weeks of an academy with injured shoulder went through defensive tactics like I still had all of that ahead, like went through defensive tactics, like all of it with the shoulder problem the entire time, got out, had to have shoulder surgery, got kicked to the desk for light duty straight out of the academy for like six weeks and then FTO came around finally and went through FTO. But I mean, during that time I just ran into a lot of challenges and it was a lot of what I like to kind of both call it as toxic work environment. There was a lot of little things being. I came out to be the. I was one of two rookies on day shift and I was the only female patrol officer on day shift. We had, like a female traffic officer, but she was kind of like off on her own too. So that was kind of new. Trying to like figure out like the boys club, if you will, dealt with a lot of. They love to like make fun of each other and tear each other down, which I personally just like hated, and I was usually the butt of a lot of their jokes which I didn't understand. But I mean that sucks for anybody like, male or female. You're going into a work environment that you're just constantly like nitpicking at each other, like it wears on you over time. So that was an ideal. And then had a run in with a sergeant at the time who at first it was it was another male sergeant. It was kind of like friendly where he was like he's going to take me under his wing. It turned inappropriate when he started sending me like inappropriate text messages and somewhat turned into sexual harassment. And then that ended up being the reason why I left, because he was the person who basically filed a complaint and threw me through an IA process and so at that point I was like, okay, this place isn't for me anymore. I don't see myself advancing, because it was the other one of those things I quickly figured out. I think some of the people that were selected for specialty is where it was more based on your friend group versus your, your qualifications or your value added to, maybe to that unit in some cases. So it's one of those things I was like I don't really know if I'm in control my career at this point or if it's just going to be like I don't know whoever they like gets the spot, type of thing. So I just didn't see myself progressing there anymore. Plus, I mean, through all of that I think I pulled myself out of like a mental hole three times in three and a half years, like I got down into like some pretty dark places for a while. The one positive thing that came out of it, though, I did meet my not husband there, so we just got married in May Nice. He and I met there. So that was a positive. But yeah, it's just. And the more I talked to women throughout my platform with my coaching business, the more I hear these these similar, like eerily similar stories. Some of it is, you know, like women are still trying to find their way, and law enforcement I'm sure it's some of that way too with fire and EMS, because you still have some of those guys that have been around for 20, 25 years and still think that women shouldn't be cops, and the public who thinks women who shouldn't be cops, and there's part of that challenge. And then there's also the challenge of more and more toxic work environments, and it doesn't matter if you're male or female. Like people get targeted, people get mistreated, people get run out of the profession, right. Like that's the thing right now is like there's no recruits, there's no applications, like you can't find good people to apply for these jobs anymore, so it kind of makes you scratch your head and wonder why we can't just treat people like people and work on the leadership and work on those things to actually genuinely like care about our coworkers and the people that we work with. So that's part of my thing with my business is, as I try to empower women especially to take to take control of what they can control, but realize that you're not stuck. There is an agency out there that will value and respect you and worship the ground you walk on and want to learn and help you grow. And if you realize that the job that you're in is absolutely running you into the ground because either they treat you poorly or they're working your ass off on overtime, because they can't figure out their own staffing levels or, you know, fill in the blank, maybe it's time to figure out where you should go, if you should, if you can deal with it and stay there, or if you need to leave and get out because it's killing your health so bad that you can't function to do anything else.

Jerry Dean Lund: 22:05

Yeah, yeah, I have about 20 questions for you, but let's see.

Monica Crawford: 22:09

Go for it.

Jerry Dean Lund: 22:15

Okay, so you know, you said three times you, you know, kind of pulled yourself out of a, out of a whole, like mental health wise, like how did you notice you were there and then what did you do to get out of that hole?

Monica Crawford: 22:31

So the first one was at the end of my Academy. I pride myself and health and fitness, I mean my background. I was competitive gymnast growing up and collegiate gymnast. I had done gymnastics for 20 years of my life leading up to this and I've always been fit. I've always been in shape. I mean I picked up CrossFit after that, so I mean it's always been on my radar. When I got injured in the Academy, it took a toll on me mentally because I felt like I lost control. I couldn't control my workouts, I couldn't control my pain level. They wouldn't even. They wouldn't even let me go to PT on time. I had to get to the physical therapist on time to even try to fix the problem that they had created. So it was a cluster for a lot of other words but I but I couldn't. My thing was is that like I couldn't take control of my own workouts and I was in pain every day. So that's like. That was the dark place where the anxiety. Like the anxiety started because driving to work every day I would have chest pain, because it was that I was in a position of here's another day I'm going to be in physical pain. And knowing that was like the fate awaiting me, like every time I pulled into the parking lot that morning, like it was hell for six months. It was literal hell. And then I've had other orthopedic surgeries because I've been an athlete my whole life, but for whatever reason and people will say this that shoulder surgeries are just the worst and it was like the recovery, like it was the most painful thing I'd ever gone through. So it got to the point where I felt like an idiot, like I literally cried in physical therapy one day and she's like what's wrong? And I was like, and I couldn't like even muster up the words and before I could say anything, she's like you're tired of being in pain, are you? I was like yes, I'm tired of being in pain. She's like I get it, it's okay. She's like just let it out so it wears on you. I mean, gosh, like I can't imagine being like you. Like you hear those elderly people who commit suicide because they're tired of being in pain, and I'm like I experienced an ounce of that and now I get it. Like now I get how bad it is to live in pain like that for so long, like it's just the most miserable thing ever. So that was like the first mental hole. Ironically enough, let's see, I had my surgery in March of 19. So, looming January 2020, we hit COVID right. So I was able to put myself in like a bubble during COVID right, because all first responders like nothing changed.

Jerry Dean Lund: 25:01

Like we were still working like normal.

Monica Crawford: 25:03

It was just the rest of the world that shut down. So, leading up to that, I was able to somewhat put myself in a bubble of like oh, it was like, okay, great, there's no socials, I can eat well, I can cook at home, I can go to work. I can go home, I can work out, I can go to sleep. Like that's literally what I did. From like once I was able to like fully work out again and really like get back into it. Like I don't know, probably November, through the following July, I was like super dialed in because I had signed up for a crossfit competition. I was like I'm doing this for myself, and so I did. I got back into it, I did great, like it was awesome to compete in, and that's that's how I took, took that back. I just like went into a bubble and like figured out a plan of like this is what I'm gonna do for nutrition, is going to do for my workouts, I'm gonna get my sleep, I'm gonna do, I'm gonna read my book, I'm gonna meditate, like all of these things. So that's kind of how I got out of the first one.

Jerry Dean Lund: 25:55

I got a question for you on that one. Go ahead. Do you think some people thought you were faking it?

Monica Crawford: 26:05

My shoulder.

Jerry Dean Lund: 26:06

Yeah, there's faking like you know, needing, like that. You were in pain or anything like that. Or did they support you in in?

Monica Crawford: 26:14

No, they actually joked that I was going to have to go under the knife. It was more of made light of than actually like oh, we screwed up.

Jerry Dean Lund: 26:26

I can. There is my ass is that I can understand some of that. I was out with an injury for 500 days, so I get what you're saying like. You know the how things were on you, and it's not just yet. It's the physical pain, but it's also the emotional, other things. You know there's some people maybe think you're faking it. Some people they know they have all the things that they want to just talk about, whether they're true or true or not, and that that wears on you to just as much as your pain of your injury. It's hard to manage both of those at the same time.

Monica Crawford: 27:02

Yeah, I mean being in the Academy, like I learned, I didn't realize how bad the PD rumor bill was, of course, until you get out on your own and you realize how much the PD rumors start about the poor rookies who don't even have a chance to defend themselves but are still in the Academy. So I don't know, I'm sure my name was being being talked about at the time, but I don't think they ever thought I was faking it. I mean, the doctors I mean there was the doctor proof there that kept that were like no, like she needs to keep coming back, because of course they tried a couple of courtesan shots and the whole rigmarole like trying to keep me out of surgery because it was work comp, and of course they picked the can as far down the road as they can. So that was part of it too. I was like I've had this problem for a year when, like, in reality, if I would have done this on my own, like this would have been done over with.

Jerry Dean Lund: 27:46

But right, right, at least they fixed me.

Monica Crawford: 27:49

I can say they actually fixed me, so it's it's good.

Jerry Dean Lund: 27:52

It's good, it's good. I'm glad to hear that. Sorry, now you can continue on to your, to your other, I was just curious.

Monica Crawford: 27:59

Oh you're good. No, so I'm trying to think of the second one. I think the second one was just just the challenge of trying to navigate um day shift and being a rookie and coming from prior law enforcement experience, it was weird because they were very adamant about doing it their way and the fact that they're they almost like they tried to discount previous training. I don't know if it's just because they wanted everybody to like, think the same, or they just wanted like procedure to be the same, or I'm not sure what their, what their backing was on that, but it was almost irritating that like they discouraged outside thinking as far as, like you know, there's 5,000 ways to handle a call when you show up on that call, and 499 of those ways could be right and maybe the 500th one is probably not the best way to do it Right. So there were times where I would show up and handle calls and then I would and I would handle it what I thought was well. But then you hear the rumor mill kick and they're like why did she do this, why did she do that? What the hell was she thinking? And then all of a sudden, another officer approaches me and was like hey, this sounded bad on the radio. Why did you do this? Can you talk me through what you're thinking? And of course I explained. They're like oh, okay, that makes sense. And then the next day I get a sergeant going hey, I had another officer come to me say this and this and this, can you like? And it's like the same conversation again. And then it's the sergeant going well, why didn't you come to me? I don't know, man, what do you want from me?

Jerry Dean Lund: 29:20

If you want something different, you have to train me to do something different is what I've always told them.

Monica Crawford: 29:27

Communication is hard.

Jerry Dean Lund: 29:29

Yes.

Monica Crawford: 29:30

But yeah, it was just trying to, it was. It was almost like, again, you talk about that confidence. It was like I'm naturally like a pretty confident person and I'm very open to feedback and asking questions and trying to figure out the right things to do things, which I realized it was funny. I had to preface a lot, especially in FTO, that I'm like I love to play devil's advocates. I'm like I would, I would tell people I'm like if I ask you a question, I'm not like arguing with you. I want to understand, yeah. Or people think that I'm like trying to go against what they're saying or saying that it's wrong. I'm like no, like I want to. I want an explanation behind what I'm asking you. So it was some of that give and take back and forth. It was some of like me looking for answers and then being told the way I was looking for answers was done incorrectly and think it just all became so confusing where I'm like do I know what I'm doing? Do I actually know what the hell I'm doing? Here I was like I feel like I know what I'm doing, but like it's just like the, the noise that just like gets in your head and makes you doubt yourself. Yeah, thankfully, at that time there was, like I was close with like one or two, maybe three people I could go to and be like, can you please tell me if I'm screwing this up or can you please tell me if I'm doing this right? And I had a couple that were like don't listen to it, like you're doing fine, don't worry about it. So that became very confusing because I just I don't know, I don't. It's just maybe one of those things that everybody wants to gripe about something and you're just trying to find your way being a first year officer, even though technically, like the people that are griping at me have been law enforcement for the same amount of time I have but, they're looking at me, going, well, you're a rookie, you don't know what you're doing, and I'm like dude, I've been here just as long as you, maybe not at the same agency in the same uniform, but we've I've been doing this for a minute too. So that was that was another challenge of trying to navigate that. The last one was the whole IA process, because I had I had three different like disciplinary issues hit me in like the span of six weeks, none of which were really that valid, and so it was just like you just kind of start seeing the writing on the wall, like well, if you don't want me here, like why am I going to fight to stay here? So I was like, okay, well, I guess I'm going to leave now, because it's very apparent like you guys have an issue with something and I'm just going to remove myself from the situation.

Jerry Dean Lund: 31:50

How did you feel about that?

Monica Crawford: 31:55

Leading that department was probably one of the toughest decisions I've ever had to make, because psychology will tell you, it's like the fear of change. It's the fear of like what you've known is the fear of the unknown, of like they pay pretty well, like, realistically speaking, these benefits are pretty good, the schedule is pretty good, like what happens if I leave, like all of these things. But it just got to the point where my mental health was such like so much in the tank that I was like I can't keep going back to this environment. Plus, you got everybody there going. You shouldn't leave. It's too good here, like all of these things. And I'm like the backlash of it was and this was the hardest thing about leaving was was the backlash that I got after it, because there were a lot of people there who I considered like close friends, even one I could think of, who I was going to ask to be a bridesmaid, like in my bridal party, who literally like slammed the door, walked out of my life like with no explanation whatsoever, and so I'm left here like. Are they just upset that I like stood up for myself and got out? Are they mad because they're still choosing to be miserable, like I've done nothing to these people, and a lot of these people like I've been to were backwards for like I've gone out of my way to help them with something or another, just to turn around for them to like stab me in the back. So that itself was very telling. And the other thing was telling was that when I put in my two week notice for one, the rumor mill made it back to me before my chain of command acknowledged it formally and to nobody from there that was like chain of command or above ever asked me why I was leaving.

Jerry Dean Lund: 33:41

So I mean personally. For me, my perspective, it's a little bit telling of things like whether, whether you're your, if you're a leader or not, like and someone's leaving, you should hear what they have to say. It depending on the like, I don't know, but you need to need to listen. I think that's as important.

Monica Crawford: 34:03

Yeah, it was. It was tough and it's still taken. It's taken a lot of time to try and like heal from that process. But one thing that I came around to, I guess, realizing is that I think at one point my mental health struggle was like trying to change myself to fit their mold and I'm sure a lot of people have been through that of like you're trying to meet their expectations so much that you're forgetting your own, because your own expectations are what you have to live with, right. So I think in this whole process I've learned that it it benefited me to just stay true to myself and stand up for myself and do what I felt was right, because ultimately, if I'm in an environment where I can't be myself, then it's not the right environment for me to stay in.

Jerry Dean Lund: 34:50

Yeah, and I think when you start feeling like that, you have a tendency to start second guessing everything you do, so the things that you're doing, so well, probably naturally you're starting to second guess now, and now you're feeling like I could see you, like I get where you'd be, like I don't know if I'm doing anything right, and plus all the other external chatter that's going on definitely is not constructive.

Monica Crawford: 35:16

Part of it is to and I know I mean we all get guilty of this, but but when that stuff starts to happen, you start to get extremely bitter and that's one thing that I can acknowledge that I maybe didn't do a very good job of acknowledging it, like when I was in the moment of it, but I did like, I was angry, I was miserable and I was extremely bitter and that affected how I did my job and how I showed up at work every day, obviously hindsight's, 2020. But I think, like, looking back, that was like a good red flag to acknowledge. So maybe, if anybody hears this and they're at that point where they're like, yeah, like I hate life right now. I'm so bitter, like that's a problem, yeah, yeah, it truly is.

Jerry Dean Lund: 35:57

So if you could go back and change maybe, how, maybe to be less bitter, you know, because I'm sure there's there's some hurt right going to be always bitter what would you recommend or what would you see yourself changing?

Monica Crawford: 36:16

The only thing I can think of is maybe just going back to try and focus on what's within my control, focusing on trying to shut out the noise a little bit more and just doing what I want to do with the job. It does get incredibly frustrating when you get passed up for opportunities that you feel that you deserve, that maybe somebody else got, who was less qualified, type of thing. So that probably would have been something I would have continued to struggle with, just because I felt like I wasn't in control of my own career, if that makes sense, which I didn't like the idea of other people controlling my opportunities in my career, which is one of the main reasons why I left. But as far as trying to just maybe correct an attitude or try to show up to work with a better attitude, maybe just looking inward, trying not to focus on the outward pressure a little bit, I think would be probably the best thing I could come up with for that situation.

Jerry Dean Lund: 37:18

Ideally I think you're right, but I mean, that is incredibly difficult to do when you're going through something so hard. It's emotional and you have to have these emotions and bitterness is kind of one of them and try to sort it out and stay upbeat and positive all the time and not let the things get you down is just really exhausting and I don't, you know, probably not healthy for you to do either. Right? So what other recommendations do you have for the first responder community that may be struggling just with some of their mental health challenges and physical challenges, like, do you have some good ways that they could get started and changing some things?

Monica Crawford: 38:10

Yes. So I narrowed down like the first five tips that I would give anybody, just if you're wanting to start improving your health and get started on that journey, and I like to structure it like a pyramid, being like from the bottom up, so these would be listed by priority. So number one would be getting your sleep. Getting seven to nine hours of sleep, which most people laugh at because they're like, yeah right, I'll sleep when I'm dead. It's not a badge of honor to be running on two hours of sleep with eight bangs or reins or whatever your caffeine of choices and a protein bar for most people. It's not a badge of honor to do that. As a matter of fact, it's slowing down your cognition, it's slowing down your reaction time, it's killing your mood. It's literally killing your health from the inside out. You have to get your sleep.

Jerry Dean Lund: 38:55

Yeah, I think the recent studies saying like it is like the number one thing that affects your health. I certainly see more and more of that popping up.

Monica Crawford: 39:03

I think yeah, I think I heard like before like it literally starts like brain degeneration if like on an extreme level, like it starts to kill your brain cells if you don't get sleep. So that's step one. Step two would be prioritizing your self care Sleep and self care. If you don't have those, even if you're eating right and working out, it's not going to matter. You're not going to see any progress if you're dealing with massive amount of stress and you're not letting your body recover. So you have to have your sleep and your self care. Kind of, like I said, of just finding some time to take care of yourself, whether it's a workout to coping mechanism or going for a walk, or reading a book, a hobby, some sort of hobby, spending time with friends, just any intentional time spent for just yourself.

Jerry Dean Lund: 39:47

Wait, wait, a hobby. Like my first responder, gave up all my hobbies to be a first responder.

Monica Crawford: 39:56

Yeah, yeah, I definitely talk to people about hobbies and such and I kind of try to find that overlap and I think a lot of the women within my community are finding that going for a walk is like a super great way to work on mental health and just help with like that clarity because you're getting sunlight, you're out in nature. Like there's so many positive benefits of just going for a walk as far as like the extra movement plus it's like recovery and it helps with your mental health.

Jerry Dean Lund: 40:20

Can I?

Monica Crawford: 40:20

say one thing about that.

Jerry Dean Lund: 40:22

Sorry.

Monica Crawford: 40:22

Go ahead.

Jerry Dean Lund: 40:23

I think there actually is a little bit more to that that they're finding out is have you heard of EMDR or ART, the rapid eye movement? Part of that walking is your eyes bouncing back and forth and looking around is helping calm me down your brain.

Monica Crawford: 40:40

I didn't know that, but that makes sense.

Jerry Dean Lund: 40:41

Yeah, so it's good.

Monica Crawford: 40:45

Cool, I like that. Even more benefits. So, yeah, going for a walk. The mail I spoke with this morning over Zoom. We were talking about getting him back into like mountain biking because that was like a hobby of his that he said he stopped just because he hated how like exhausting and hard it got, just because he's like not in shape to do it anymore. And I'm like, okay, cool, like that's awesome, we need that coping and mechanism A and B Like that's a great activity for you to do, so you can find like a two for one type of thing. It's even better, right, yeah, so self care like that. The next one is like two points kind of in one, but make sure you're eating your whole foods and cooking at home more so than eating out. Especially with shift work, we get in the habit of eating out more often than not and obviously that kills. It makes you feel sluggish and just kills your energy and your mood. So eating all foods cooking at home. Step four would be prioritizing your protein. People forget you need like 30 to 40 grams of protein at least per meal. If you're a guy, it's going to be more, like 50 grams of protein per meal, because protein is going to help you keep your fuller longer, it's going to help you with your fat loss and it's going to keep you away from snacking and grabbing, like those high carb, high sugar snacks and meals. And the last one and this is the very last one for a reason, but people think this is the most important one which is not move 30 minutes a day, three times a week at a minimum. So if you're doing those four steps below that and you have time for activity, then it makes sense to do that. If not, otherwise, it makes sense to prioritize the four before that.

Jerry Dean Lund: 42:18

Yeah, I think those are great steps and they're also important in each of their ways. I joke about the hobby thing, because, man, if you're working all those hours and stuff like that like you do, just let all your hobbies go away, and that was bringing you back so much joy that it's not there anymore. You need to bring that back into your life, as difficult as it may seem. Time wise.

Monica Crawford: 42:50

I caution a lot of people with that when they start to say that they're working all the time. Because I ask is this overtime you're picking up? Is it optional or is it mandatory? Because if it's optional, let's take a look at that and see if it's benefiting you in the way it needs to or not. If it's mandatory, then obviously you might have to deal with it for a little while, but at least let's make sure it's not like mandatory every week of the year and we're working on that too. But I mean, you work. What's the saying? You work to live, not live to work. So you can't be married to your job, where you get up, go to work, go home, go to sleep, like it's just not functional. You're not, and that's one of the things that I preach to as a part of my business of let's tip the scales back into balance a little bit, like you don't have to take on this identity as a first responder where it's like eat, breathe, sleep, work. How about we find the balance where you have, when you're at home, one you're not just sleeping, when your family's there and you have kids and other things to do or whatever. Let's make sure you have the energy and you have the intentional time to spend with family and friends and do those hobbies or do whatever activities are important to you, not just get off of work, go home, hit the pillow where you don't see anybody else, you don't talk to anybody else, and then get back up and go to work again.

Jerry Dean Lund: 44:09

Yeah, I mean you have to have that human connection still, and probably it's even better to have that human connection outside of the first responder world at times Because, yeah, you just don't want to eat, sleep and just do this job right. That doesn't bring a high quality of life to you and the end of your career, because it'll take its toll and your family. I've seen it throughout my career. I don't know how this will take a toll on you. Started this career with zero medications and I wish I could say that's the case now. But hopefully, the more you manage stress, the more you manage your things in your life, the less of those things that you have to take on.

Monica Crawford: 44:59

Right and I mean in working towards those things, it becomes lifestyle habits where, if you start implementing these things over time and you have an accountability partner, you have a coach to help you work through it, it just becomes a part of your daily life, because a lot of my clients, when I work them through the process, maybe they'll have an off week where they're not eating very well or they binge out on junk food and they don't work out, or maybe it's just a vacation or something. But they've done so well up until that point. They're like, oh my gosh, my body feels like crap. I didn't eat well, I didn't work out this week. I want to get back to doing what I was doing because I felt so much better eating healthier and working out and doing all these other things. So once you get so much into the habit of doing it and you realize the benefits of doing it, you don't want to go back to the old you because you don't want to feel crappy again.

Jerry Dean Lund: 45:48

Right.

Monica Crawford: 45:48

So if you can establish those lifestyle habits now, then they'll stick with you throughout the rest of your career and they also become core values to you. Right For me. I've eaten well so long in my life. I'm the same way. I will intentionally enjoy a junk meal every once in a while, but I know I'm going to pay for it. I don't know if someone's going to hurt later, but it's one of those things. It's like those stigma of like oh, she's the one that always eats healthy. Yeah, I do Like that's a part of who I am, but I do that intentionally. So it's one of those. If you have that accountability partner that helps you with those lifestyle habits, it becomes something that later on you don't even have to think about. It just becomes a part of who you are and what you do.

Jerry Dean Lund: 46:28

Yeah, I think sometimes, when we don't have coaches or mentors and stuff like that, we have blind spots in our lives that we can't see, or we just don't maybe know how to figure them out and navigate them.

Monica Crawford: 46:43

Yeah, and with the myriad of contradictory information on the internet, I think most people end up at a dead end, trying to figure out what's going to work for them. So I mean that goes with anything in life. I mean if you want to improve somewhere, you have to find a mentor or somebody that can help you get to that endpoint that you want to get to.

Jerry Dean Lund: 47:02

Yeah, because I do think nutrition is one of the most confusing things to try to research on the internet and figure out, because it's all over the place. And now there's just so much information all over the place that it's really hard to find what is good information.

Monica Crawford: 47:20

It is, and it's funny to listen to how that the myths and stuff gets contorted. And it's even worse when people are on shift work schedules trying to figure it out, because they try to throw in intermittent fasting with a goofy schedule or what's the other one? Oh, I work midnight but I'm not supposed to eat after 8 PM because I'll gain fat, so I just don't eat. I just don't eat all shift and I'm like when do you eat?

Jerry Dean Lund: 47:44

Yeah, that's not good.

Monica Crawford: 47:46

You go home and you slip Like no, you need to eat, so it's stuff like that. I mean, I don't fault them for believing that, but I'm like gosh. We're not just dealing with regular struggles, like we've got some added struggles in there and so we need somebody who can at least make sense of it and make it fit to our lifestyle and our job demand and things like that Because I've had people tell me before too. They're like I had a personal trainer and they got mad at me that I couldn't do X, y and Z when they're like it's literally impossible for me to do that because of my schedule or because of this, and they're like they just don't get it. I was like I can understand that and they wouldn't get it because they're just the personal trainer in a gym and I mean, god bless them. That's what they do, but they've not been in the first responder shoes, so they're not going to know.

Jerry Dean Lund: 48:33

You have to be creative with both your mental health and physical health. As a first responder, it's just different.

Monica Crawford: 48:42

It does, and that's one of the things I actually enjoy doing. As far as the creative part of it of like I'm not going to give you a black and white plan of what to do, but I'm going to throw about 80 options at the wall for you and you're going to tell me what sticks for you so I can give ideas, I can give guidance, of say, hey, like I don't know, for instance, somebody is eating two meals a day and I need them to eat three meals a day I'll say, ok, well, let's try like a protein shake, or let's try, I don't know. I can't fill in the blank, but I'll give them like five options for that challenge of like adding in another meal and they'll be like OK, I'm going to pick this one and try this one. Ok, great, let me know how it goes. If it doesn't work, we'll try something else. So it's kind of one of those creative like ebb and flow type of things where I don't necessarily tell you what's right and what's wrong, but I'm going to help you find what fits and what works for you.

Jerry Dean Lund: 49:29

Yeah, I mean because that's going to give them the most success. Right, that's you. I mean they have to have some challenge too, but I mean helping them navigate. That is what's going to give them the success that they're looking for.

Monica Crawford: 49:42

It's going to be sustainable. And I mean obviously that's why diets like your typical diet doesn't work right, because you can do it for six weeks and then you either quit because you hate it or you just fall off because it's not sustainable. So that's what it takes is working into those lifestyle habits to find what fits for you, what works for you and what's just normal for you, realistically speaking, like it's nothing crazy that you have to go out of your way or add more time to your day or have it be like an extra responsibility for you to be able to do. It's got to be like a puzzle piece that you just got to find the right spot to plug it in to make it fit.

Jerry Dean Lund: 50:13

Yeah, definitely Monica. Where can people find you on the social media and follow you and get some more advice from you?

Monica Crawford: 50:21

So I'm mainly on a couple of different platforms. You can find me on Facebook. My profile is public. I'm with Monica Crawford. I have a Facebook group and community that's called Bivofierce and Fit Group. I've got almost 1,000 people, 1,000 members in there. I think I'm at 970 something right now. That's where all of my free content goes. It goes into that Facebook group. So if you find me on Facebook, you can search me or the group click to join and I can add you and there you just have to be a first responder of some sort. The guys are in there too. I market the females, but I have guys in there too. So join the group. You'll find all my free content in there. I give everything in there that you need to be successful as far as walking you through your journey, and then it's just really up to you, if you want that one-on-one support, to find that specific program for you. But you can absolutely be successful with the content I put out in there. That's the best place to find all my stuff. If you don't have Facebook, you can find me on TikTok and Instagram. It's Bivofierce and Fit and we can link that in the comments I'm sure to make it a little bit easier to find, but that's the main thing. I've got YouTube, I've got a podcast. I'm kind of all over the place, but the Facebook group is probably the best place to find me Awesome.

Jerry Dean Lund: 51:34

Monica, thank you so much for sharing a lot of great information today and those tips are great. I think anybody can start with those five tips and when you look for that personal touch I mean I or Gal reach out to Monica and see if she can help you out.

Monica Crawford: 51:53

Absolutely. Thank you so much. I appreciate your time.

Jerry Dean Lund: 51:55

Yeah, thank you for being on today.

Monica Crawford: 51:58

Thank you.