How To Find The Balance- Flight Nurse Janessa Dean

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This podcast is part of the Everyday Heroes Podcast Network, the network for first responders and those who support them.

Intro 
Welcome. The trials of first responders and their families aren't easy. Enduring the Badge Podcast is building a community to help them out. Introducing your host back by  30 years of experience as a first responder, Jerry Dean Lund.

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Jerry Lund 
Let's jump right into this next episode with my amazing guests. How are you doing Janessa? 

Janessa Dean 
Good. Thank you. How about you?

Jerry Lund 
I'm doing great. I'm great. I'm super excited about the podcast I have you on?

Janessa Dean  
I'm excited to be here.

Jerry Lund  
Yeah. Let's introduce the audience to who you are. And a little bit about your background.

Janessa Dean  
Yeah, so I am a flight nurse. I've been doing that for a little over five years now. I've been a registered nurse for about 11 years of that. I am married, been married for about 17 years. I have four children, three which are teenagers, which is very challenging in itself. But one who's almost 16, I have twins who are almost 14 and then I have a third grader who's eight years old. So um, yeah, I've been working in healthcare and been doing EMS for the last five years.

Jerry Lund 
Oh, those children keep you busy along with that job for sure. 

Janessa Dean  
Definitely. 

Jerry Lund  
Especially twins. I can only imagine that was probably a life changing moment when you have those for quite a few years.

Janessa Dean  
Yeah, people think oh, it's so fun to have two at one time. It was a ton of work, especially to have a two year old at the same time. But I always say this and I'm sure that you can relate to it, too. It's always busier at home than it is when I'm at work.

Jerry Lund   
Oh yeah, for sure. You can have a little bit. Even though it's not in your control at work. There's still some control at work. At home, it's just yeah, right free for all, especially with all the kids. 

Janessa Dean  
Yeah. People listen to you at work. You don't really get a lot of listening at home. No, but they're great. I mean, we have a good time. And it's it's just definitely different to have them at a different age now. Like you said, when they were little and they were twins, like they just got into a lot of trouble. And now that they're older, it's it's more fun. It's more friendly. We can have more friendly conversation. So.

Jerry Lund  
Yeah, that's good. A little less trouble, hopefully. 

Janessa Dean  
Yeah, yeah, it's fun. 

Jerry Lund  
So yeah, a flight nurse, maybe kind of describe what a flight nurse is. Maybe some of the audience listening doesn't really have an idea that that's even a thing. 

Janessa Dean  
Yeah. So flight nursing. I love my job because you merge ICU patients and emergency patients all into one job. My background is ICU. I did ICU for four years as a nurse before I got into flight nursing. And really the requirements are two to three years. Sometimes some companies are three to five years of emergency room or ICU experience. And because of that, our job is inter facility transfers from hospitals to hospitals, and we also do 911 dispatched out calls. So traffic accidents, gunshot wound, stabbings depending on where your area is that you service, there's more or less of that we have a big majority of our calls are 911. But right now with COVID and the pandemic, a lot of it is in our facility transfers from a higher level of care ICU to a different ICU, or from an ER to an ER. We do a lot of transfers in and out of hospitals in California. But because we also have a Pilatus, a fixed wing we're also able to go out of state so that's kind of cool. If weather's not allowing or permitting then we can take the airplane and go to other states. So the furthest that I've been to transfer patient is Washington state, which was kind of cool. It was a four and a half hour flight. But um, yeah, so we just have the ability to take care of like these hemodynamically unstable patient's ICU patients and really do the emergency side of it too when we show up at traffic accidents and, and and things like that. So it really merges both worlds, I get to partner with a medic which is great because they have all the pre-hospital experience and then we have all the in-hospital experience so our partnership just works out really good because we are able to make up the deficit of knowledge that both of us are lacking. And so it just works really well to have that kind of partnership.

Jerry Lund  
So you get out on these terrible accidents you're one of the crew members that get gets out and starts helping the local fire department or EMS agencies with those critical patients to get into the right trauma center or the right facility.

Janessa Dean 
Yeah, we're really lucky because we have a level one trauma center in Fresno that's the area that I serve and so it's we're really lucky to be within 10 minutes even if we're in the mountains to be able to take our patient to that trauma center there's some places where it takes 30-45 minutes to get there and as you know, like with the golden hour that is just so important for for these trauma patients. So we're lucky to be in close proximity to all these trauma centers.

Jerry Lund  
So which do you like better the scene flights landing on the scene like that or the transfers?

Janessa Dean  
Um, you know, I think in general most people would say they love the scene flights just like the adrenaline of it but I love the transfers and that's just like my ICU background just patients who are hemodynamically unstable all the trips that are going on the ventilator, just keeping them in a transfer environment and taking them out of this like safe ICU area and putting them into the transfer field and then getting them to a higher level of care like I just love everything about that I love the complexity of it. So I like doing both I'm kind of one of those weird people that like to do both of it. But you know I have partners that of course like to do the same calls over it just because of the adrenaline of it, so.

Jerry Lund  
Yeah, yeah, I can understand that. When you got into nursing, was this your ultimate goal is to be a flight nurse?

Janessa Dean
Yeah, I had always thought about it. I wanted to do, I knew that I wanted to do ICU. I just had an experience. I had my twins that were very early they were born three and a half months early, my daughter weighed one pound, my son weighed two pounds they were given such a poor prognosis. And at the time I was in banking and obviously I took some time away from my job to be with them and the NICU. I just watched these health care workers and these NICU teams just really take care of me and take care of my kids and I realized like that's what I wanted to be in the medical field and that's when I wanted to go in intensive care. But I knew I didn't want to do it with kids. I knew I didn't want to work with pediatrics at all so yeah, so I went into the ICU I got a tech job when I was in nursing school and kind of did that while I was in nursing school so that I could get the experience to go straight into ICU after graduation. And I knew I always wanted to do that but in the back of my head when I was in nursing school I knew I wanted to ultimately go into flight nursing, we had that local company that would come in and you'd see the helicopter land at the hospital and you were just so in awe of like everything that they did and I knew I always wanted to do it I just didn't have the confidence. It took me time to build that confidence to go for it. 

Jerry Lund  
Yeah, I'm always in awe when they land on the scene and what they do. I mean it's it's it's a great relief a lot of times to have them land and be like oh yes some extra hands and some advanced equipment and advanced things that they can do that we can't do on the ground. So yeah, I could see you know why it's thrilling for some others and why you liked the drips and stuff like that. But let's go back a little bit, so your kids were in the NICU, that had to be very hard to see them in that condition.

Janessa Dean  
Yeah, I mean a it it was definitely you don't realize what the medical field can offer you until you as your family needs it. If that makes sense. 

Jerry Lund
Yeah, it makes perfect sense.

Janessa Dean
You know, it's this entity. Yeah, you know, it's this entity that's always there if you sit if you're sick or you need something but until it really affects you on the homefront like you don't understand how much how much those people mean to you and how much health care can really do for you and that was just really what got me into wanting to be a nurse was just seeing those NICU nurses and those NICU teams take care of such a small little human being and amazing, you know, for them to be born so early, and so small for them to overcome all the things that they did and have the technology to be able to keep them alive. It was just amazing. And you know, we were told several times, like, they're probably 100% going to have some disabilities, we work with occupational therapy, speech therapy for three years, and they have zero deficits. So we were just so lucky. And you know, my twin boy, he's six feet tall now, and my daughter's towering over me at 5'4, and that's just amazing, you know, and how things have progressed now with technology and health care. But amazing that, you know, 14 years ago, these small little human beings were able to be so successful now. And that's just like, really what drew me to healthcare at that time.

Jerry Lund  
Yeah, that's pretty cool story. Being driven to health care, what made you decide, "No, not the NICU, not that type of thing" was just watching what they went through  and you're like, "No, I don't want to work with kids like that." 

Janessa Dean
Yeah, I mean, part of it was, I was a difficult parent in the NICU. You know, you you trust people with your child, and it makes you so over protective. And so I knew, like, I knew I wanted to work in a situation like that with patients that were really sick. But I, I didn't think that I could handle kids at that time. Which is very different now, because now I do pediatric and emergency pediatric, which is, which is totally never where I thought I would go. But at that time, I wanted to stick with adults and learning the complexity of, you know, really sick adult patients first, but I do enjoy working with kids. But there is, you know, this sense of when you roll up to an accident, or you know, it's a pediatric patient, like you have this automatic like nervousness about it, so.

Jerry Lund  
Yeah, I think that just never goes away. When you're in that type of career you're always a little nervous with with pediatrics. And that's be part of it, because they are a lot more complex in a lot of ways. And, you know, we don't get a lot of trauma pediatric calls, but when they do seems like they're really bad. So yeah, I think it just always remain nervous throughout your career that stuff.

Janessa Dean
And it's a good thing. Like I always tell people, because I mentor people to help train new flight nurses that it's always good to feel nervous about stuff like that. It's always good to feel nervous every day, you come on the shift, because that's what makes you better. You never want to think that you know everything, because we don't, and every situation is changing. And you have to be able to roll with whatever is thrown your way.

Jerry Lund  
Yeah. How was that going through as a parent? Watching your kids and then make you far as like, what type of like strain did it put on you and your husband and your, your other family members? Like what were you going through?

Janessa Dean
Yeah, I had a two year old at the time, which is the weirdest thing because my twins were born three and a half months early, but they were born on my son's birthday. They were born on his birthday. But I also had spent a lot of time in the hospital, I went into labor with them at 16 weeks. So at four months, I was on bed rest. And they didn't call it a viable pregnancy until 20 weeks, so at 20 weeks, they put me in the hospital when I was in the hospital for six weeks on bedrest with them. So that in itself was just very like debilitating, like, you just, you think about a lot of things, I think I was really depressed at the time, too. So just you know, being away from my child at the time and away from the rest of the world, that was just really, it was a difficult time and then to be spending that time in the NICU every day with them and not knowing, you know, knowing that every day things could change very quickly for your child was very scary, like just putting that trust and other people and the health care system was really scary to do.

Jerry Lund  
And how like, did you rely on your faith for like strength or rely on your husband? Or where did you get your strength from to go through that?

Janessa Dean
Yeah, definitely both I. I relied on my husband, he really helped me out a lot with my two year old and then we both our parents live in town with us too. So they really took the reins and helped us with that. And yeah, our faith definitely is what kept us going. We had a lot of prayers for our family. We had a lot of financial help, which was great because our hospital bills were insane for how long they were in there and then to have both of them in there. We both had really good jobs at the time. So they compensated us really well. Just kind of all of those things aligned for us. You realize that there's people out there that want to support you that don't even know you, too, with whatever it is prayers, financially, thinking about you and your family bringing you dinners like you just realize that people care about you and your family and your your well being and you. And you have to open yourself up to accept that those things too, so.

Jerry Lund  
Right. Yeah, because you're right. People do want to like give service or give financial and do other things for you. But I think maybe is that our pride that sometimes it gets in our way to like, letting these people help us and service? What's your thoughts? 

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Janessa Dean  
Yeah, totally. I think that it is I think that we, you know, think that we can handle things on our own. And we don't want help from people. But that from that experience, I learned like there's a time and place for everything. Like there's a time that you need help. And then there's a time that you can serve people. And so for me, after that experience, I just realized, like, there's there's times, especially now for me where I can be of service to people, whether it's just calling them or taking them dinner one night, two simple things. It really helps people out and don't feel bad if you're not in that time where you can't do that right now. Yeah,

Jerry Lund
Yeah, that's that right? There's a guilt of sometimes that we have to like, Oh, wait, there's nothing we can do to help but write prayers or, or just the phone call or things you know, those things still mean a lot and add up.

Janessa Dean  
Yeah, yeah, definitely. Especially right now where I think people, a lot of people still feel very isolated, especially ones who can't go back to work yet. I think just a phone call makes a huge difference.

Jerry Lund  
Yeah. So you're a mentor now on at work. How did that come about? How did, you mean to be a mentor on something like that, it's got to be pretty impressive to like, far as your skills, your knowledge and the trust that they bestow on you to train people.

Janessa Dean  
Yeah, I it's funny, because I never consider myself like, a great teacher, I guess. But I just, I love the job. And I love being able to show new people, new things that they can learn in the job without having to try to make those mistakes on their own, like sharing those little tidbits of information. Like, it's okay, it's okay to not to be a little bit unsure and to rely on your partner. It's okay, to not be the best at whatever you're doing, or the best at this certain call, you're going to learn. So it's really like giving those tidbits of knowledge to them that I really enjoy doing. As, as someone who's training someone new, and I just want people to come in and be the best that they can be. And to not be nervous about that. We're all human, we're all going to make mistakes, but to just show up every day, and really show them that it's not just what we do on the job, it's what we do outside of the job too. People are always looking at us in this position. So to really remember that too.

Jerry Lund  
Right. Has your life outside of the job always just been smoother than easy? I mean, outside of the twins?

Janessa Dean  
Um, what do you mean smooth?

Jerry Lund  
Well, what kind of try like you've gone through some trials in your life and some ups and downs in your life, and you've had some some great learning, I think lessons that have come from those. Can we talk about that? 

Janessa Dean  
Yeah, yeah, for sure. I think like, what boosted me from going from staying in the ICU to going and pursuing flight nursing was that I lost my brother in 2012 in December of that year, he's only 30 years old. He was in the military. He had joined the Marines at 18. And then he was part of a sheriff's department and did that for a long time. And he just struggled with alcohol his whole life, and I could see that post the military and well in the sheriff's department, he really suffered a lot with his alcohol. And it that just really is what destroyed him. And the end was not being able to handle, I think the alcohol part of it and the stress of the job of what he was doing. And I saw him really struggle with that for a long time. And when he passed away, it was very abrupt. He was sent into the hospital for pancreatitis in the ICU. And I knew it was severe because in the time I worked in the ICU, and I knew pancreatitis was a severe thing, but I also thought, Okay, he's 30 years old, he's young, he's gonna be able to recover from this. And we just got a call then, next morning, after he was put in at night that he went into cardiac arrest and they couldn't bring him back. And it was then that I just like realized, I need to just go for what I want to do and pursue going into flight nursing. I I of course, after he passed away, I was getting all of these liver cirrhosis patients, all of these alcohol abuse patients, it's just like kind of what the universe starts to throw you. And although I loved working in the ICU, I was like, this is the time to seize the moment to just go for what I really want to do because life is so short. And so that kind of just what propelled me forward to just go for it and apply for the job was after that happened.

Jerry Lund  
Yeah, it was it. How difficult was that to watch your brother struggle with that? Were you able to help him at all? Or was he open to help?

Janessa Dean  
Um, he had times where he relapsed in and out of stopping, stopping drinking, trying to get help, and then going back to it and so that was the hard part because I really watched him struggle with wanting to get back on track for his family and then falling back into it because he didn't know how. And I think in the end, I was just really frustrated I wasn't I don't think I was as patient as I should have been. And I and you know, you go back and you think about those things and what you could have done differently but it's, it's kind of the path that he was on and i and i think now I think he's free from a lot of the pain that he that he had. But that was really difficult. I mean, really knowing how to be there for him because he didn't know how to be there for himself.

Jerry Lund  
Right? Right. Would you have any advice on how as somebody that maybe is has a family member or a friend going through this type of struggle? Have that they could reach out to a person struggling like that?

Janessa Dean  
Yeah, I think it's just having patience for them offering yourself as a resource for them and being open to whatever feelings they're gonna feel that day. Because some days they're going to be really open to wanting to talk to you about it and some days they're not and just letting them know that you're going to be there for them no matter what I think that that that is huge. Obviously with a lot of alcohol abuse you do have to set boundaries and at the end I did I had to set boundaries for my children and my family and how he acted and and the things that he had to say and what what I expose them to but just really letting them know that you're there i think is is a is a big thing and just being being open to help them find the resources as well like you may not have the answer but someone out there does and just be willing to try to find that too for them if they can't do that for themselves.

Jerry Lund   
Yeah, that's got to be an emotional roller coaster for you as your family and then even for himself. You know drinking like that is just the nerdiest motions are up and down I'm sure he's was doing great and then he's depressed and then you're doing better and just kind of that roller coaster which is very difficult for you on the outside to watch and you know it's country extremely hard for him on the inside. But in the inner, it's it's his his decision and you can only just be there to assist and help and love.

Janessa Dean  
Yeah, and addiction is so hard right? It's like it affects everybody it affects not just the person who's going through it but the whole family. Like you have, there's family members who feel differently about what's going on and that's okay like to have compassion on yourself that that's okay. However you're feeling about what's happening to you with that person, like have compassion on yourself that one moment you may feel like you want to help them and one moment you may feel like you got to put up a wall but just really being open to getting help for them, even if you can't be the one to help them, I think is a big thing. Yeah, it's difficult. I know a lot of people deal with that with their families.

Jerry Lund 
Yeah, I had somebody that was struggling with addiction once told me, she said if one more person would love me, then I would probably be dead. Because they would just with that love, they kind of just turned a blind eye or facilitate what the person was doing instead of just, you know, drawing that boundary and say, "Hey, you know, we can't help you anymore. But we still love you." 

Janessa Dean  
Yeah, yeah. And I think like, there's times where you have to have tough love with that person too like, you have to set that boundary and say, these are things that need to change. And I think that that's where he was at the end. I think he realized that he had really alienated himself from the family and we had all kind of put up boundaries and I think that's what was hard about it. He was stopping drinking. And so you can't when you drink consumes so much alcohol and then you stop cold turkey. That's not your body doesn't like that. And that's kind of what sent him into this pancreatitis and going into the hospital urgently. So I think, you know, it was just really hard for him. He was at this breaking point when it all happened for him, and he didn't know what else to do. But to do that.

Jerry Lund
Yeah. What kind of toll could you see on his family? From your perspective?

Janessa Dean
I think it was just like a lot of unanswered questions. I think it was just a lot of despair for them. They couldn't understand. And we couldn't either just as his family and seeing him go through it, why he was making the choices that he was making. Addiction is hard for someone who doesn't understand addiction or who hasn't, who doesn't have that problem, you know, because I know in his mind he wanted to be over it and he wanted to overcome it. He just didn't know how and so I think it left even when he passed away it just left a lot of questions like, "How could he choose that over us? How could he never want to stop that when he had us?" You know, so I think it left a lot of things unsettled. But I also think he's in a place where he is at peace now and he can never find that before so it's just coming to terms with kind of both of those things.

Jerry Lund
Do you think them being in the military contributed to that or how did it start to become an addiction? Did he very tell you or?

Janessa Dean
Yeah, I think some of it is hereditary, alcoholism is in my family and so I think that had a little bit to do with it. He did drink growing up before he went into the military as well. I don't know if the military is kind of what I don't believe that that's what got him to continue to drink but I think he just didn't handle very well the stress of that and then the stress because he had a stressful job too and the stress of his doing his job in a way that was healthy. I think he, you know was around a lot of people that wanted to drink as well and so that kind of just buffer to having to feel any emotions for anything else.

Jerry Lund
Yeah though it's his coping mechanism was using alcohol maybe to get that feeling of relaxation or maybe it's you know, for some it's it's a high elevated emotions so different for every person.

Janessa Dean
Definitely and I definitely understand that now just like the weight of having a job that has a tremendous amount of pressure and I'm sure he felt like that too. Military and working for the sheriff's department like you there's a certain level of pressure and you know, I think it's hard for people to come off of these highs of having pressure at work and then coming home and really dealing with your home life and separating that and being mentally healthy for both of them. And I so I think it was a little bit of both for him, I don't want to blame the job or any of that on why he drank I think that was definitely a pattern that he had established for himself prior to any of those careers but I don't think that that helped.

Jerry Lund
Yeah, that's it's super tough in these careers to find something that helps you come home and decompress and you know feel normal whatever you know first responders normal feeling is because most live in a very heightened, heightened state and have very extreme difficulties like leaving work at work. You know, it's always just a huge piece of their life.

Janessa Dean
Yeah, and we love it too, right? Like we all do it because we love it.  We we like to go to work, we like to work with the people that we do. We like the pressure of the job. With some have us like I really struggled with this for a long time especially with mom guilt. Like I really loved being at work. I loved working with people I loved even being there for some holidays, you know. My kids have always been really good at, okay, well, Christmas is going to be whenever mom's home, it's not necessarily Christmas Day, it's whenever mom's home. So on the home front, things were always taken care of, for me. But I did have a little bit of mom guilt for a long time. Like, I know, I want to be at work, and I want to work weekends and holidays sometimes. And that kind of makes me a little different from everybody else. But I'm sure you feel like that, too. You have that camaraderie. You do things and you, you see things and you are in like these, this environment and you run these calls with people that make you just feel so connected with them, right? And so a large part of you wants to be at work. And sometimes it's hard to want to be home, especially when things aren't controlled, like we talked about at home. 

Jerry Lund 
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I just learned I went, got my peer tutoring and certification. Just finished it up yesterday. And they were talking about how we're bonded together. And it's called Trauma Bonding. Now the things we see and do, bond is in such a unique way that maybe other people don't understand, you know, why we have such a tight bond. And maybe you want to be there on you know, Christmas or the different holidays, because that's where our family is. And, you know, for us, like, you know, someone's often Christmas, and then we're run short handed. And so you kind of feel a little bit guilty. You know, yeah, off that day. So it's Yeah, it's it pulls you both both both ways. How did you find a balance with mom guilt? Or? Or how did how did that end up? Like, just Are they still there? 

Janessa Dean  
Yeah, no, I, I try not to have. I actually, a couple years ago, went back to trying to take a manager position at the hospital because I thought, No, I have three more years with my oldest like, I need to try to be have some normalcy for him where I'm living at home. So I do two 24-hour shifts a week. So I don't live at home for two days a week. And so I had a little bit of mom guilt about that. And just being at home being here, weekends and holidays for them. So I took a position at the hospital. And I ended up not staying there, I only did it for about six months, it's kind of when COVID happened. And I've felt a lot of guilt about sitting behind the desk and having the critical care experience to take care of these patients and not be there with those people. So I ended up going back to it. But I realized, like, I just did it for myself, like I or for my kids, I thought I did it for to have some normalcy for them. But my kids just want me to be happy. And that's what I've realized, like, as long as mom's happy, they're happy. And so as long as I'm doing what I want to do, that just shows them like they can do whatever they want to do as well, too. And as I think that was like, the biggest thing that I've learned from this job is that you always just have to continuing to improve yourself and do the things that are making you happy, whether that's taking time for yourself to go to the gym, or just take time, you know, alone for doing your own hobbies, like you, you don't always have to be at work and just doing things for your kids. Like you got to take time for yourself and figure out those things that make you happy too. Like I think that's a good way to be able to have both lives march great for you. 

Jerry Lund 
Right, because there's a lot of moms that just don't have any time for themselves. And I'd feel really bad for them. That's that's incredibly tough job being with the kids 24/7 and not getting a break. 

Janessa Dean  
Yeah, yeah, I always say that would be much harder.

Jerry Lund  
That's right. That's why many men are aren't doing that, because it's much harder for sure. 

Janessa Dean 
Yeah, yeah. No, I just realized, like, I just had this idea. I think I struggled with it for so long that because I'm the mom, I need to be nurturing, I need to want to decorate for holidays and make my kids lunch and put the little napkin with the sticker. And that just was never me. Yeah, like I was never that type of Mom, I my husband's the very nurturing one. He's the one who tucks them in at night. He's the one who they go to when they're hurt. And that's great. Like, that works out great for us. And so when I got over that, and I just realized, like, they need me just the way that I am. And and they're fine with that they don't know any better. They don't think that they should have a mom, that's all of those things that I'm not, that's when it like clicked for me. And that's when I became really good at what I was doing at work and able to just really focus on my job when I went there. And when I was at home, I was really just able to focus on their needs and what they wanted, all at the same time just figuring out what I like to do too, and my hobbies and that's when I really dedicated my 30s to myself, my 20s I spent all those years having kids. So when that clicked for me that's when things started to really shine at both work and home for me. 

Jerry Lund
So you're moving into kind of a new venture a little bit new ventures. So you, you're taking the skills that you learned as being a great mom and a great mentor, work and flight nurse. And now you're taking those things that you've learned and doing some coaching?

Janessa Dean
Yes, I love it. I just probably about three years ago started to listen to Jody Moore's Podcast, she went to the Life Coach School, which I'm getting certified under as well, and just the concepts and that's when I started to have a lot of that mom guilt and started having a hard time dealing with it. I think the mom guilt started, I just had like these, these patients that were back to back poor prognosis and dying on me, and I had this slew of kids this summer, or one of the summers that what was tragically passing away, and I just had a hard time, like really dealing with some of the weight of those calls and coming home, they reminded me a lot of my kids, one in particular that I had an adjust triggered me and I, I had a hard time just talking to other moms or wanting to have conversations with other people, I thought, like, "How do I talk to people, when in the back of my head, I just saw what I saw, and, and have a conversation about what they're going to be doing this weekend with their kids?", you know, it just, it didn't resonate well with me. And I had like this cognitive dissonance about it. And so that's when I started to just realize, like, after listening to her podcast, and the life coaching and the things that she talked about in there, and just relaxing, and being who I am, and having compassion on myself that I'm 100% worthy of all the things that I want to do, and all the things that I have. And that's when I just realized, like, life coaching was just really good for me, it, it helped me be able to be the best mom that I was at home and then be able to be a really good nurse at work. And so I decided about six months ago to get certification and start my own business doing that. 

Jerry Lund
That's very awesome. I'm gonna go back just a little bit because I don't want to miss miss it. So the weight that's on your, on your shoulders of being the first responder that you know, to those calls and dealing with patients and, and parents and things like that. How do you deal with that weight that's on your shoulders from those critical calls? 

Janessa Dean
Yeah, I think it's really important to talk to talk to people about it, to talk to your team about it, your partner about it, I have this when I mentor people, and I'm training people, I always tell them no matter what, good, bad, ugly, the call went great, like always debrief about everything that that you do about every call that you're on. Because there's always something you can learn from it always something that you can do better or things that you did, what went well, what didn't go well, and things that you can offer for the next call after that. So it's especially important to do that after tough calls. Because I would spend a lot of time after I had trauma, a rest or trauma code, thinking about all the things I could have done differently. It would keep me up at night, I think about what if I would have done this first? Or what if I did this? or What did I miss this, you know? And I realized, like if you debrief with your partner and you debrief with your team, or debrief with all the entities that are involved in a big in a big code, or in a big death like that, that's really helpful just for you to be able to process what happened in your mind what you could have done differently. If there's anything you could have done differently, just to be able to process that with the people that are in it with you makes a huge difference, I think.

Jerry Lund
Oh yeah, definitely, definitely, going through the peer counseling, and getting a certification for that, that's a lot of that has to deal with those type of emotions and doing the after actions and but an after action sometimes deals with like what we did to physical things and stuff like that. But for the period thing comes in is nice is just talking about the emotions and dealing with the emotions that come along with those traumatic calls. 

Janessa Dean
Yeah, and I think it's important to remember that it affects everybody so differently, like some people can be immediately affected by it, and then some people can be triggered by it months later, years later. So really, you know, having that understanding that everybody is going to react from it differently. And that's kind of what I'm doing in my coaching practice too as I'm getting an added trauma certification, because I think that that's really important for me to help bridge the gap with with my clients also that you know, this trauma that we experience. We all experience it in different ways. Sometimes it's right away, sometimes it's years from now, sometimes there's just something that triggers us in the daily life that we're doing, you know, and I think that's really important for us to recognize it as healthcare workers and first responders and not try to push it away. I think a lot of times we try to push it away and say, we don't need to think about it, it's okay, we can handle it. And then it shows up for us in a different way. 

Jerry Lund
Yeah, yeah, in a different way. And it eventually shows up, right, you just can only fill your bucket up so many times, and so high, and eventually, it's just gonna overflow. And that's when I feel like you're really stuck in a place where you're dealing with a lot of emotions that are maybe foreign to you. And then you're wondering how to deal with them? And is this normal feelings? Am I the only one feeling this way? So it does leave you in a, in a, in a spot where you're needing help, we often don't know how to go find the help you actually need. 

Janessa Dean
Yeah, and I, I also think that for a long time, I didn't want to talk about it at home, like with my husband, or when things would happen. And I think just being open to be able to share that with people that are a part of your life, too. Like, yeah, I had a really rough, rough day at work. I mean, you don't have to share this, you don't obviously share the specifics with them. But I had a rough day at work. And I'm just going to need some time to process things I might not be 100% today and just being open about that, I think is huge. Because, you know, I think we don't want to talk about it with them, because we don't want them to know how bad it is sometimes. But I think that they need to know that. I think that that will stop a lot less fights at home as well, with them being aware of how you're feeling mentally, you know,

Jerry Lund
Very true. So with your coaching, and this, it's an extra trauma certification you're getting with it?

Janessa Dean
Yeah, so I'm gonna do an extra trauma certification where it's just really helps people process their trauma that they have from some of these calls or events in their life. It's just an added thing that I want to be able to offer my clients. 

Jerry Lund
No, that's awesome. So what what is your ideal client look like? 

Janessa Dean
Yeah, my niche is healthcare workers, first responders, I've got a lot of military personnel to lately, which is kind of been a little strange for me, because I don't have a military background. A lot of my family is military. But um, that my niche is that and just helping them merge their home life with their work life, the things that they experience, really just helping them have a day to day healthier mental awareness, and relationship with themselves and with their family members. I cover the caveat of all different subjects so they can bring me whatever they're having issues with. But I also am getting a lot of nursing students who want coaching, career coaching, to become flight nurses, or people who just want to get into flight, I'm getting a lot of those types of clients and people reaching out for that, too. So I can cover a whole bunch of gamut of subjects, but just basically helping people just get the results that they want for their life and just encouraging them and inspiring them to just go for it and do it. 

Jerry Lund 
Yeah. Do you feel like there's a great need for those nursing students to get into some coaching and some stuff like that before they get into this field? 

Janessa Dean
Yeah, definitely. It's like I said, I don't think that it's, it's how you become a flight nurse, I think it's who you are, to become a flight nurse, like everything is it's so important on not just how to do it, but just becoming that person, like realizing that you're not always going to be looked at when you're on the job, you're always going to be looked at outside of the job too, and just really becoming who that person is. And there's different things that they can be doing right now to set themselves up for success to be able to get to that point, it's really just gaining the confidence that you can do it, anybody can do it. You just have to go for it and know you know what avenues to go down and the right people to talk to and the right position to put yourself in. 

Jerry Lund
Do you feel like it's your you say anyone can do it? Do you feel like having a coach will help you get to your goals a little bit faster and easier? 

Janessa Dean 
Definitely. I think coaching for me and what I offer to my clients is just helping people make decisions, right? We let our obstacles and our own brain take over our decisions and we we come up with all the reasons of why we can't do things and then we hit that wall and then we just back away from going forward and having inspiration to just go forward with what we want to do. And so I think coaching just really helps you solidify making your decisions and moving forward with it no matter what I always explained to my clients, like, I'm like sitting on the couch with you, and we're just looking at your thoughts. And I'm just helping you make sense of your thoughts and make decisions on them instead of getting stuck in the obstacles that you're facing. So I definitely think career coaching and coaching in general just helps you propel forward and realize, like, you can get the results that you want. We just need to make decisions on things and think the right thoughts to get there. 

Jerry Lund  
Right? Because indecision is paralyzing, and it can paralyze you for years, right? It just, you're just like, Yes, I know, I can make decision, I should make this decision. And then weeks, months, and then years go by, and you're like, Wow, now I'm stuck. I feel stuck. 

Janessa Dean  
Yeah. And at the end of the day, like, all of these things, you know, that I've learned is that life is so short. Like, it's so short, and we just have one life to live, we have one, you know, one chance to do everything that we want to do. And so, you know, that's what I want to show people go for the things that you want to go for. And now is the time seize the moment now and let's move forward with it and make decisions now so that you can have everything that you want. Like we don't need to be sitting still just watching our life movie play out, like let's star in our movie and go forward with it. 

Jerry Lund  
Yeah, like that. Just coach offer a little bit of accountability to for the person that's getting the coaching?

Janessa Dean  
Yeah, definitely. I think that I'm, I'm a very straight shooter. So if you work with me, you you definitely know, like you're gonna get, you're gonna get everything that I'm thinking. But there is accountability, in the fact that you you got to show up every week, and you got to be willing to put in the work and you got to make decisions, I'm going to help you do that. But really make this make decisions and feel good about it, and then go forward and implement it. Like I always say, it's so scary, you're uncomfortable. Like when you start making decisions about things. And when you start moving forward for your goals and your dreams. It's uncomfortable. So if you're not uncomfortable, then you're not doing it right. Once you're uncomfortable, then you're getting to where you want to be. 

Jerry Lund  
Yeah. And I think that's important, right to have the coach at those times to turn to for assurance and bounce, bounce things off of and have a conversation and that coach is generally not in every aspect of your life. It's kind of focusing on one, one or two or three directions that you're headed and yeah, yeah, that gives them a way to give better perspective and help that person reach their goals. 

Janessa Dean  
Yeah, definitely. It gives them confidence. Once they are working on that one goal, whatever that is, and they reach that goal, and they get the result that they want, then it gives them confidence that they can keep doing it and keep making decisions for the next school that they're going to reach. And that's just so important. Because a lot of people I think the majority of people start something, hit a wall, hit an obstacle, and then just stop and give up on it. 

Jerry Lund  
Yeah, yeah, very true. What's your thoughts about failing?

Janessa Dean  
Yeah, I love that. I think that we should fail forward. Like, not be afraid of failure. I think most that's what it is. People are afraid of failing, and being uncomfortable that they just don't take that first step. But we have to fail forward so that we can be successful and learn how to do it. 

Jerry Lund  
Right. I like to ask this question, why did or when did failure become such a bad thing in our minds? Is that good some during some generational changes or something? 

Janessa Dean
Yeah, I think like failing people are just afraid of emotions, like having the emotion of whatever it is humiliation. They're just afraid of feeling that emotion. And so that's why they say that they don't want to fail because they don't want to feel that emotion. But I always teach like, emotion is just an emotion, like, so you're gonna feel it, but then that's it, it's not gonna hurt you. It's not gonna kill you. You just you experience it, and then you move on and you realize the next time like, that's okay, I felt a little bit humiliated, but it's okay, I can still do it. 

Jerry Lund
Right. Everybody's been in a situation where they've failed and felt humiliated. Like, this is not a strange feeling that we've had. I think it's very important. I think it's somewhere in some of the recent generations, like failures, like this epic thing, life is over because you felt like no, it's like said, fall forward, when you fail. Yeah. And learn from it and you know, kind of embrace that uncomfortable emotion and learn what to do with it and maybe use that emotion to help propel you to go forward. 

Janessa Dean
Yeah, we're never going to know success until we start to fail. Like we just have to be able to fail so many times to be able to appreciate the success to like, for example, I just took my CFRN and it took me nine times to pass. I've been trying to take it these last five years and it was psychological for me because I knew, I know I'm a good flight nurse. I know, I know all the information I just couldn't get over this test. And this last time I hired a tutor, I did some thought work that, that I could do it. And that would that's what really helped me to pass it this time. And I realized, like the last five years in the last eight attempts, like it was fine that I failed those because it's made me appreciate the success of now having it even more. 

Jerry Lund 
Yeah, did you wish you're like, Oh, I wish I would have reached out to someone, or a 10th ago?

Janessa Dean
Yeah, definitely, and the cost of having to take the test over and over again. But I really think that this time, the reason why I passed it was because I really worked on my thought work on it, that I could pass it this time, because I already had the knowledge. So really believing in myself. And that's like, really what I preach in my coaching business to like having this these thoughts and believing in yourself that you can do it, that no matter how many times you're going to fail, you're going to did it, you're going to get it at the end, and you're going to reach that goal. And so it was just that much sweeter for me to actually pass it this time, even though it's taken so many times before, and I failed so many times before. 

Jerry Lund
Yeah, I think part of having a coach is having that drive to continue not to, you know, maybe get that low or stumble and just kind of, you know, not not want to try and attempt again, or try to do something again, I think that's why it's important to have a coaches to maybe frame that perspective of what happened, and then how to get you to where you need to be. 

Janessa Dean
Yeah, and holding you accountable for feeling negative sometimes, like it just let's, let's let's go forward and learn from it, and then keep moving forward and not letting our obstacles get in our way. I initially hired my own life coach for my kids, because I had three teenagers and I was having a really hard time with that. And I realized, okay, well I'm gonna hire a life coach, because he's going to help me get them in line. And I realized, like, it really showed me how to be a better mother and in turn, my relationship is better with them. So it's really, I think coaching is getting your own results and realizing that you can change for the better and being better. And then that just definitely shows in other aspects of your life. You're able to make decisions better, you're able to move forward with your, with your goals, and what you want to do in your career, and you're able to have better relationships, and that's all of those things are important when you're trying to encompass all of that. 

Jerry Lund
Right, it makes your life that much more amazing when you have a better outlook and a better, just better thought process for those things. 

Janessa Dean
Yeah. And definitely it's taught me that I live in abundance, like no matter what I have, like, if anything, if everything in anything is stripped away from me, like what I have my family and the people that care about me like that I live in abundance already, like all of those things can be taken away. But I just to be in that in that thought process that, you know, I have everything I need is just what I've learned from coaching. And I just hope to be able to bring that to to other people who are struggling with that too. 

Jerry Lund
Yeah. Where can people find you to? If they want to become, or look for you so they can you can be their coach? 

Janessa Dean
Yeah, I have an Instagram page janessadeanlifecoaching @janessadeanlifecoaching. And that's really where a lot of my platform is. I have just started a podcast to which I'm really excited about. And just like my first episode is just introducing myself but I'd like to start interviewing people from the EMS field, other healthcare workers as well and just kind of integrate some coaching with that. But if you would like to find me, you go to @janessadeanlifecoaching my Instagram page and then I have a calendar that you can click on to sign up for a console if you want to know more. 

Jerry Lund  
Awesome. Before I let you go I got this one last question that I asked everyone. What impact do you want to make in the world?

Janessa Dean
Yeah, I just I just want to help people realize the best that they can be and be the best that they can be and realize like, like I said, we have one life to live and we have so much to offer. And I just want them to be able to be open to being inspired and living up their goals and living out their dreams and not letting any of the obstacles or anything in their mind get in the way of that so that we can just serve each other better. And I just want to be of service of other health care workers and first responders and just really help them acknowledgea that there's so much that they can do in this world and to serve and continue to serve people. 

Jerry Lund
Yeah, I like that. And I, I know some people probably listening will gravitate towards a lot of things you're saying and reach out to you on Instagram for your coaching. I really appreciate you being on the podcast today. 

Janessa Dean  
Thank you, Jerry. I appreciate that as well. Yeah, thank you. 

Outro
Thanks again for listening. Don't forget to rate and review the show wherever you access your podcast. If you know someone that would be great on the show, please get a hold of our hosts, Jerry Dean Lund through the Instagram handles  @jerryfireandfuel, or @enduringthebadgepodcast. Also by visiting the show's website, enduringthebadgepodcast.com for additional methods of contact, and up to date information regarding show. Remember the views and opinions expressed during the show solely represent those of our hosts and the current episode's guest.