June 18, 2024
Healing the Warriors Within: Don Bradley's Guide to Emotional Health for First Responders and Military Personnel
What if your emotional well-being was just as critical as your physical health? Join us in this riveting episode of Enduring the Badge as we sit down with Don Bradley, a former police officer turned therapist, who specializes in first responders, complex trauma, PTSD, and military personnel. Bradley's no-nonsense approach to therapy sheds light on the stigma surrounding mental health support within the first responder community. He articulates the necessity of granting oneself emotional permission to heal and uses powerful analogies and metaphors to help clients better understand and internalize therapeutic lessons.
Explore the depth of survival mode and its profound effect on emotional responses, particularly for those in high-stress professions. Bradley uses a captivating county fair metaphor to describe how our identities—physical, intellectual, social, and emotional—are like horses pulling a team, with the emotional horse often being the neglected one. Discover how this neglect leads to unresolved emotions and why anger frequently becomes a coping mechanism. Understand the pressing need to address and express these emotions healthily to prevent emotional overload.
Navigate the challenging terrain of emotional self-awareness with insights from Bradley on the struggles faced by first responders and military personnel. Learn how the metaphor of an "emotional horse" encapsulates the weight of unresolved trauma and the importance of embracing vulnerability. We also discuss practical strategies like tactical breathing to help regain composure during heightened emotional states. Finally, Bradley emphasizes the importance of having a non-judgmental, culturally competent guide or mentor to support proactive mental health management, ensuring overall well-being in these demanding professions.
As a First Responder, you are critical in keeping our communities safe. However, the stress and trauma of the job can take a toll on your mental health and family life.
If you're interested in personal coaching, contact Jerry Lund at 801-376-7124. Let's work together to get you where you want to be and ensure a happy and healthy career.
Podcast Website www.enduringthebadgepodcast.com/
Podcast Instagram www.instagram.com/enduringthebadgepodcast/
Podcast Facebook www.facebook.com/EnduringTheBadgePodcast/
Podcast Calendar https://calendly.com/enduringthebadge/enduring-the-badge-podcast
Personal Coaching https://calendly.com/enduringthebadge/15min
Host Instagram www.instagram.com/jerryfireandfuel/
Host Facebook www.facebook.com/jerrydeanlund
As a First Responder, you are critical in keeping our communities safe. However, the stress and trauma of the job can take a toll on your mental health and family life.
If you're interested in personal coaching, contact Jerry Lund at 435-476-6382. Let's work together to get you where you want to be to ensure a happy and healthy career.
Podcast Website www.enduringthebadgepodcast.com/
Podcast Instagram www.instagram.com/enduringthebadgepodcast/
Podcast Facebook www.facebook.com/EnduringTheBadgePodcast/
Podcast Calendar https://calendly.com/enduringthebadge/enduring-the-badge-podcast
Personal Coaching https://calendly.com/enduringthebadge/15min
Host Instagram www.instagram.com/jerryfireandfuel/
Host Facebook www.facebook.com/jerrydeanlund
Chapters
00:14 - Recognizing Trauma in First Responders
09:35 - Survival Mode and Emotional Coping
14:04 - Navigating Emotional Responses and Self-Awareness
20:55 - Navigating Emotions and Mental Health
29:40 - Navigating Mental Health and Cultural Competence
Transcript
WEBVTT
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Welcome to today's episode of Enduring the Badge podcast.
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I'm your host, jerry Dean Lund, and if you haven't already done so, please take out your phone and hit that subscribe button.
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I don't want you to miss an upcoming episode.
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And hey, while your phone's out, please give us a rating and review.
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On whichever platform you listen to this podcast on, such as iTunes, apple Podcasts and Spotify, it helps this podcast grow and the reason why, when this gets positive ratings and reviews, those platforms like Apple Podcasts and Spotify show this to other people that never listened to this podcast before, and that allows our podcast to grow and make more of an impact on other people's lives.
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So if you would do that, I would appreciate that from the bottom of my heart.
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My very special guest today is Don Bradley.
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How are you doing, don?
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I'm doing great.
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Thanks for having me on.
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Yeah, thanks for being on.
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Don introduce yourself to the audience.
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My name is Don Bradley and I am a former police officer with the city of Hayward in Northern California and I'm now a therapist who works with first responders, complex trauma, ptsd, military personnel, basically just all the really rough stuff.
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People that you that don't want to see a therapist, they're the one.
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They come and see me.
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Why did?
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Why did they want to come and see you?
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What's the difference?
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Well, because you know.
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You know how bad the stigma is, you know how, how, how thick it is out there and and and it's still very, very thick.
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So when I get people that are forced to come in, either their significant others make them come in, or the court makes them come in, or whatever, or they just get so so burnt out and fed up and container full that they're like it's either this or I'm going to take my own life, and I mean it's, it's gotten that bad.
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I hear an above average level of, you know, suicidal talk and stuff.
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So they come to you because they can relate to you.
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Basically I'm kind of the no-nonsense guy.
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See, I did the whole anti-terrorism thing before.
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So I did terrorism liaison, crime scene tech and stuff like that.
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No-transcript, let's get to it.
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Because they don't like the touchy, feely patch on the head tell you everything's going to be all right stuff.
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They just like to, they like to get right into it.
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So people seem to resonate with that.
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Yeah, I mean I, I think that's that's true, right, you know you don't.
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If you're there, I really think you probably should be doing the work.
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I mean, you've made the big step of coming, so I think you need to have that kind of no nonsense to maybe pull them out, right Out of their, their mindset, maybe that they're in, that they're being shut down.
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Well, my whole spiel comes from the idea that there's a sort of acknowledgement that you have to start that Like you have to.
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You know, I got this, this, this thing right here.
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Well, you can see it behind me here and I call it.
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Four is greater than two.
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The new mission, right, cause we always like to use that tactical language.
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That's right.
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And they and they like to have that cool new tool on their belt and stuff like that.
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So I'm just I'm kind of doing it in a funny sort of sneak past your defenses way, but the long and short of it is that you have to give yourself permission to actually act on your own behalf because you can't just come in.
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There's an intellectual part and an emotional part.
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You can intellectually know that you have to do it, but you have to give yourself permission for the emotional part to do it.
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The fear, the anger, all that stuff that you, that society, said you can't let out of this container, you have to let out the container.
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Is there a way that you have to open them up to do that?
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Well, I use a lot of analogy and metaphor to be able to get people to if they can get the picture inside of their head, and I sort of stack the lesson next to the picture.
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Every time they think of the picture they'll think of the lesson.
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So it's, it's very.
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You know, I come from Neanderthal ilk, right, I was.
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I was raised in the Midwest, you know, uh, everybody but us.
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You know Bible of the or sorry, buckle of the Bible belt.
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You know Southern Baptist, everybody but us is going to hell type of deal, right.
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And so when that whole rub some dirt on a pussy stuff was real thick, you know you didn't cry, they didn't let you do that stuff.
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Yeah, it was weakness, you know.
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You know the whole drill, right, right.
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And so when I was in the Midwest and Oklahoma and then traveled out to California, got to California, became a police officer and it just got, and it just got drilled in there so, so deep.
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And you know it's not until you, you, we prepare our whole entire life for that battle that comes from the outside in, but we don't do any preparation for the one that comes from the inside out, right.
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So I totally agree.
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I've been thinking about this a lot and I'm like you know, our brain does all these crazy things to keep us safe, you know.
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And then I'm thinking but does it really like it does?
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bad things to create to keep us safe too.
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That's the, that's the part we don't understand yeah, can you go into that?
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Yeah, well so we'll, we'll, we create defense mechanisms based on the resources that we have available to us, right it's.
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And and if emotional resource is not what we have available to us, then we're going to create a defense mechanism.
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In fact, do you mind if I just kind of go into the spiel a little bit?
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so I can kind of make sense of it.
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Yeah, so what you see behind me here is my little.
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Four is greater than two.
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The new mission, right?
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Because there's three things that have to happen in order for change to actually occur.
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It sounds really super obvious, but it's not, as that.
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It's a little bit more insidious than people realize.
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You got to acknowledge that something's going on, right.
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If you've been depressed for 20 years, it's not who you are.
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You've been depressed for 20 years.
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Lean into it, right.
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You got to accept the level to which that thing is negatively affecting your life, right?
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I only drink a little bit.
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Yeah, everybody else in your, in your whole life thinks you're an alcoholic, but until it changes in you, it's not going to change right, yeah and that's the third part, that that whole, the new mission.
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Right, you gotta, you gotta give yourself permission to actually act on your own behalf.
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It sounds, I know, it sounds kind of obvious, but the whole point is that we've got these basic tenets.
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If you're standing on this grain of sand that's hurtling through space right now, this applies to you, it applies to you, it applies to me, it applies to everybody whose container is full, everybody whose container is empty.
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It applies to everybody, because it applies to that thing that you are before you're anything else.
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Man, woman, living on the other side of the planet doesn't matter.
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You're a human being first, and you need to be reminded of that constantly, because that basic level of humanity is the thing that was sort of put into your brain to protect yourself.
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Say this is your brain, right here, see my thumb here.
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This is that first little peanut that grows up, that fight, flight, fan or freeze thing.
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Right, yeah, I speak about this in a very non-scientific, uh, bubble-headed way, because that's that's where I came from and I know that I gotta, I gotta speak to that in that way.
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But this fight, flight, fan or freeze thing, that's that first little thing, you know, the amygdala that grows up back there that's responsible for your survival, right, and then you get older and your brain starts to develop.
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You get higher functions, logic, reasoning, stuff like that tucked way deep into the core of this thing is fight, flight, fan or freeze.
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The reason that swat, military and everybody you know, professional athletes, stuff like that, train over and over and over again is because when, when this thing turns on, this is the shit going down.
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The reason they put a survival script in here because this isn't where our brain is, this is where our reaction is right.
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That fight thing, yeah, it's not meant to think.
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This doesn't have eyeballs, it doesn't have ears, it's that tunnel vision, all that stuff, right, and it's.
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It's it's 10 of the big part of your brain, if it's anything, and it's only meant to react.
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But if you see, you know people in couples and they it's like husband, wife or whatever one person goes into their brain.
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Next thing, you know you're not communicating anymore and this is two rams on a hillside Right, rams on a hillside right, yeah, yeah, so so the idea is that when this thing turns on, its only goal is to be turned off.
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It's a, it's a like a threat, and you and you're trying to release or remove the threat so that you can bring your mainframe back online, right?
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yeah there's not like an alarm that goes off.
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It says your wife is going to be a bitch in five, four, three, two.
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She's going to say something about your manhood in five, four you know it just all of a sudden turns on and you're in it and you're not.
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You're not like going.
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Oh, what's this new land?
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I'm in, no it.
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It sneaks up on you and and guts you before you even know what you're doing.
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Right Cause, how many times have you ever gotten really super mad, done something stupid and went oh, what did I do that for?
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That's this portion of your brain casting judgment on this portion of your brain for doing the only thing it knows how to do, and it does it conveniently.
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When it comes back online it goes oh, I can't believe I did that stupid thing.
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It's like well, I can believe it because we're kind of dopey.
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When we are in survival mode we're going to put whatever resources available to us to enlist to try to survive.
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Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad.
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Make sense.
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Yeah, I think most of the time it feels like it's bad in everyday life.
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But think about it in everyday life.
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Do you, do you practice your responses, your emergency responses for emotions?
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No, because you avoid them.
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It becomes an atrophied muscle.
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Yeah, right, yeah.
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And so it makes sense that we're we're kind of like I'm not sure how to how to react in this situation, so I'm going to react in a way that's going to going to maintain my survival.
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Doesn't always do that Right, especially when it comes to, like relationship survival.
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Yeah, do you see in first responders that the main reaction is anger?
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Anger is the medium with which people who are hurt and afraid actually sort of express themselves.
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Right?
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Because and I'll go into this a little farther I'm assuming you've been to like a county fair, right?
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So what do you think of whenever you go to a county fair, Like, what's the imagery that you see whenever you're at a county fair?
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A diverse group of people.
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Sure, you take a big deep breath.
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What do you smell?
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Yeah, food galore Tunnel.
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You take a big deep breath.
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What do you smell?
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Yeah, food, galore, funnel cakes, corn dogs, ferris wheels, all kinds of stuff like that.
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Yeah.
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You know those, those water guns where the horses are racing each other yeah.
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Yeah, right.
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So imagine every human being on the planet, everybody.
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They all have four horses and that four, those four horses, pull their team for their life.
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Right, physical horse?
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Right.
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That's your physical identity.
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If you're like a big strapping dude or a tiny person, if you're in a gym, bro, or you're sick, all the time, it's your physical identity and how important it is to you right.
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Then there's your intellectual identity Book smart versus street smart, somewhere in between Social identity loner cool kid in the group somewhere in between Emotional identity.
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Well, I'm speaking on behalf of myself.
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This one, we're told, just goes back to the gate.
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We're not allowed to use it, we just weld the gate shut.
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And these three are the ones where we develop our coping mechanisms when things get physically hard.
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What do we do?
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We fight, we work out, we work overtime to death right Intellectually.
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What do we do?
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How many cops you know that can solve everybody else's problem but their own right?
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I'm like really good, I'm a take charge guy, right.
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Yeah, yeah, it's yeah yeah.
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I'll just laugh and leave it at that.
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Well, so what do we do socially?
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We go, we have choir practice, we drink.
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We we're sitting here with the stuff boiling inside of us, we're drinking and we're looking at our partners and we're going, wow, that call, that last call, was pretty crazy, huh.
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And the other guy's like, yeah, whatever.
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And so I look at him.
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I don't see anything wrong with him, but I'm wondering, gosh, that boiling in my gut.
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It must've been, it must be because there's something wrong with me If it didn't bother him is.
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I didn't ask him if it bothered him, I just looked at him and said I, you know, throughout that line, found out that he didn't wasn't affected by it.
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He was but yeah.
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Right, but we, we develop that internal message that there's something wrong with us if that feeling in our gut doesn't match up what we're seeing over here.
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Right, right, but what we don't realize is that these three become bullies.
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Right, they become bullies.
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They want to make sure that any problem that comes up in your life is taken care of here and not here.
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Well, mind you, this whole time we're stacking up stuff in that emotional category, just going.
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We can't put any color in the painting because the color is what makes it.
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We can't, we just can't.
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You can't go into every life-changing, terrible, worst situation for a person ever and feel emotions, because it would overwhelm us.
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Right, right, so we just got to turn it off.
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Okay, well, we get really good at it, but we don't get rid of it.
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We just stack it up in here like a Mount Everest pile of shit, right, yeah.
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And when we got space in the container, it's okay.
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But then we don't, we don't tend to it.
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It just starts stacking up, stacking up, stacking up.
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Pretty soon, you know, to see that slip of paper fall down onto the top of that pile.
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Comes and it kicks that gate open with that emotional horse.
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Well, that emotional horse is like a.
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It's like a, it's like a baby horse, and I don't know if you've ever seen a baby horse being born.
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It's like it's walking on stilts right, yeah.
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Okay, it can't hold its own weight, much less the weight of an entire lifetime of ignoring it, and so it goes oh no, screw that, I can't.
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I can't do that.
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That's why these guys, you know and it breaks my heart to say this, I don't do so cavalierly, but I've got to lean into it why these guys are taking their lives is because they're going through all these different things and going well, I got nothing left right, they don't even consider this an option.
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Because they need, because and this is what it is you have to give yourself permission to let this guy out, because here's the deal he's going to be afraid, he's going to not be good at it automatically, and first responders, military folks, they're like take charge, right, they got to be in control of the situation, and this is a situation that you're not in control of.
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It's sort of like this is this massive, scary thing, that that's.
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And when you come into it, it's like a child.
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And that's not to insult anybody, it's just to say that that's what you had to do in order to survive the situation that you were in.
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And a lot of these, a lot of these folks have, you know, really, uh, lengthy traumatic pasts.
00:15:05.643 --> 00:15:12.514
That don't you know, and so and so you're never really learning how to do it.
00:15:12.514 --> 00:15:20.197
And by the time you know, imagine a 75 year old man, professional, best businessman in the world, who never learned how to ride a bike.
00:15:21.019 --> 00:15:24.796
So he's got the helmet on, he's got the things on here and he looks like a complete fool, right?
00:15:24.796 --> 00:15:32.763
Well, nobody wants to put themselves in a situation to look like a fool when they've already established themselves as a professional right yeah.
00:15:32.763 --> 00:15:49.270
So the idea of getting into that vulnerability, the v word and and and having fear and saying it's okay to be, uh, to be afraid, in the situation he's none of these guys want to do that and he's guys, gals, it happens across the board, doesn't?
00:15:49.291 --> 00:15:56.543
matter right and so and so they, they just and these three, like I said, they're bullies.
00:15:56.543 --> 00:15:58.719
They're the ones that are basically saying so.
00:15:58.719 --> 00:16:01.289
Imagine you heard something that I said today.
00:16:01.289 --> 00:16:04.238
You, you're like, hmm, I never really thought about it like that.
00:16:04.238 --> 00:16:08.076
And then tomorrow you wake up and you're like really super depressed or maybe a little angry.
00:16:08.076 --> 00:16:09.919
Well, that's these three horses going.
00:16:09.919 --> 00:16:11.003
How dare you?
00:16:11.003 --> 00:16:12.894
You should be ashamed of yourself.
00:16:12.894 --> 00:16:15.020
We've been taking care of you your whole entire life.
00:16:15.020 --> 00:16:16.514
Now you're going to let this guy out.
00:16:16.514 --> 00:16:18.519
You, there must be something wrong with you.
00:16:18.519 --> 00:16:27.501
No, it's everything coming at you at the same time telling you you know, you can't talk to these folks as you, you did this and you've accomplished this and you do all this kind of stuff.
00:16:27.501 --> 00:16:35.033
And it's like, well, if, if you don't exercise that muscle, then you can't be surprised when you go to put weight on it and it's not there for it.
00:16:36.557 --> 00:16:38.302
Yeah, no, I like the analogy.
00:16:38.302 --> 00:16:39.270
I think it's really good.
00:16:39.270 --> 00:16:44.996
I think it's definitely something that people can relate to and remember when they're when they're thinking about it.
00:16:45.817 --> 00:16:54.586
Well, and that's the idea, right, You're just trying to remember in that time that here's the thing when this thing is on, your only goal is to turn it off.
00:16:54.586 --> 00:17:02.933
It's not to make assessments about your future, about your relationship or anything like that.
00:17:02.933 --> 00:17:06.898
This is the zebra by the watering hole drinking water looking up, seeing the gator come up to get him and just going boop.
00:17:06.898 --> 00:17:16.109
You don't ever see the zebra going, hey, let's talk about this as they're running away, Right.
00:17:16.109 --> 00:17:20.782
So you gotta, you gotta realize that when you're in that mode, the only thing you need to know is oh, I'm in that mode, you need to turn it off, Right.
00:17:20.782 --> 00:17:23.933
Then, when the mainframe comes back online, then you can go all right.
00:17:23.933 --> 00:17:36.798
Well, that was pretty, pretty, pretty scary, but I recognize the difference between that switch being on and off and when you don't know that you'll do a lot of really stupid shit yeah, well, how do you get to the point of knowing that of like, well, you?
00:17:37.117 --> 00:17:37.779
you have to.
00:17:37.779 --> 00:17:45.923
You have to be intentional, and I hate to, I hate to, I really don't like the cliche stuff, right, but you do have to, you.
00:17:45.923 --> 00:17:59.055
Well, the reason I wear this is to remind myself of that very sort of oh duh, yes, I do need to remember I'm a human being, right, and that's the idea is that you'll you get it.
00:17:59.055 --> 00:18:13.064
You attack it on the other side, you do your best to try to get it in advance and keep it from turning on, but your initial reaction is to try to go oh right, this is not the brain that I want representing me.
00:18:13.064 --> 00:18:14.228
What do I got to do?
00:18:14.228 --> 00:18:17.665
Okay, well, I need to breathe, right, because breathing is the first thing you got to do.
00:18:17.665 --> 00:18:19.372
You do your tactical breathing right.
00:18:19.372 --> 00:18:24.731
Yeah, four seconds in four second, hold four second, exhale four second, or you know what I mean?
00:18:24.731 --> 00:18:25.574
Yeah, and so it's.
00:18:26.276 --> 00:18:36.265
It's it's realizing that that's the first thing you did when you were alive, was you breathed Right, and so this is going.
00:18:36.265 --> 00:18:44.135
Oh, okay, this is on Right, cause you see these guys in these these life and death situations just absolutely going off the charts.
00:18:44.135 --> 00:18:58.152
It's like, yeah, right, and everybody, you, you always start with breathing, because if you're not breathing properly, then your heart rate's going to be up there and you're trying to basically match the respiration rate of the person that you want to be, not the person that you are.
00:18:58.152 --> 00:19:03.182
Right, yeah, you're basically trying to just get to the spot where you're going.
00:19:03.182 --> 00:19:05.255
Okay, because that's all.
00:19:05.414 --> 00:19:20.655
All you need to remember is if I, if this, then this, okay is there like so, creating that like that self-aware awareness of being in that state, right?
00:19:20.655 --> 00:19:21.657
Is there like?
00:19:21.657 --> 00:19:29.439
Is there some tips you give people other than like, hey, you're breathing like if you notice your breathing is up, then you know you're in this state.
00:19:30.520 --> 00:19:49.859
Well, you're, you're trying to, you're trying to basically make sure that you understand that if you're in that state, that that you are, that that emotions are happening sort of without your, without your knowledge and approval right, it doesn't schedule a time, doesn't ask for permission and nothing like that.
00:19:49.950 --> 00:20:01.618
So it's just about going okay, and an emotion is occurring and you know, knowing how you react, knowing what your, what your mechanism is, and going okay.
00:20:01.618 --> 00:20:02.441
Well, what do I need to do?
00:20:02.441 --> 00:20:06.181
Well, whatever's causing this, I need to get away from it right now.
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