Be The Change! You Want To See In The World
April 16, 2024

Embracing the Heart of Leadership: Gene Reed on Emotional Intelligence for First Responders

Embracing the Heart of Leadership: Gene Reed on Emotional Intelligence for First Responders

Have you ever stood at life's crossroads, wondering how to weave emotional intelligence into the fabric of your leadership? Today, I sit down with Gene Reed, the mastermind behind Reed Training Solutions and author of "Police Leadership Redefined: The EQ Advantage," who embodies the transformation from a seasoned police veteran to a trailblazer in the realm of emotional intelligence for first responders. Our conversation is a deep dive into the heart of leadership, mapping out the intersection where emotional intelligence enhances not just professional relationships but also the personal well-being of those in high-stress careers.

Navigating the complexities of life, Gene guides us through the four pillars of emotional intelligence—self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management—and their profound impact on the law enforcement community. We dissect the unique emotional challenges faced by first responders, where certain emotions are normalized, and others are stifled, leading to long-term consequences if left unchecked. As we walk this path, we stress the importance of emotional regulation as a cornerstone to building strong leadership qualities that ripple out into all facets of life.

In wrapping up, we don't just talk the talk; we walk you through actionable steps toward a purposeful life filled with intention. Our exchange sheds light on the art of designing a life vision, setting boundaries, and making choices that resonate with personal values, including my own journey in prioritizing health and wellness. Whether you're in a high-stress profession or simply seeking to infuse more intentionality into your daily routine, this episode offers a blueprint for self-discovery and a reminder of the power we hold to shape our own destinies. Join us on this quest to harness emotional intelligence and lead a life that truly matters.

As a First Responder, you are critical in keeping our communities safe. However, the stress and trauma of the job can take a toll on your mental health and family life.

If you're interested in personal coaching, contact Jerry Lund at 801-376-7124. Let's work together to get you where you want to be and ensure a happy and healthy career.


Podcast Website www.enduringthebadgepodcast.com/
Podcast Instagram www.instagram.com/enduringthebadgepodcast/
Podcast Facebook www.facebook.com/EnduringTheBadgePodcast/
Podcast Calendar https://calendly.com/enduringthebadge/enduring-the-badge-podcast
Personal Coaching https://calendly.com/enduringthebadge/15min
Host Instagram www.instagram.com/jerryfireandfuel/
Host Facebook www.facebook.com/jerrydeanlund

As a First Responder, you are critical in keeping our communities safe. However, the stress and trauma of the job can take a toll on your mental health and family life.

If you're interested in personal coaching, contact Jerry Lund at 435-476-6382. Let's work together to get you where you want to be to ensure a happy and healthy career.


Podcast Website www.enduringthebadgepodcast.com/
Podcast Instagram www.instagram.com/enduringthebadgepodcast/
Podcast Facebook www.facebook.com/EnduringTheBadgePodcast/
Podcast Calendar https://calendly.com/enduringthebadge/enduring-the-badge-podcast
Personal Coaching https://calendly.com/enduringthebadge/15min
Host Instagram www.instagram.com/jerryfireandfuel/
Host Facebook www.facebook.com/jerrydeanlund

Chapters

00:14 - Leadership and Emotional Intelligence

08:15 - The Importance of Emotional Intelligence

21:07 - Designing a Life With Purpose

33:02 - Learning to Design a Fulfilling Life

36:56 - Trial and Error in Health

Transcript


00:00:02.705 --> 00:00:05.110
Welcome to today's episode of Enduring the Badge Podcast.

00:00:05.110 --> 00:00:10.349
I'm host Jerry Dean Lund and if you haven't already done so, please take out your phone and hit that subscribe button.

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I don't want you to miss an upcoming episode.

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And hey, while your phone's out, please give us a rating and review.

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On whichever platform you listen to this podcast on, such as iTunes, apple Podcasts and Spotify.

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It helps this podcast grow and the reason why, when this gets positive ratings and reviews, those platforms like Apple Podcasts and Spotify show this to other people that never listened to this podcast before, and that allows our podcast to grow and make a more of an impact on other people's lives.

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So if you would do that, I would appreciate that from the bottom of my heart.

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My very special guest today is Gene Reed.

00:00:42.406 --> 00:00:43.029
How are you doing, gene?

00:00:43.591 --> 00:00:44.012
Doing good.

00:00:44.012 --> 00:00:45.076
Brother, Thanks for having me on.

00:00:45.356 --> 00:00:46.399
Yeah, thanks for being on.

00:00:46.399 --> 00:00:49.869
I really appreciate you taking the time to be on the podcast today.

00:00:49.869 --> 00:00:52.447
Gene, can you introduce yourself to the audience?

00:00:53.289 --> 00:00:54.905
Yeah, sure, my name is Gene Reed.

00:00:54.905 --> 00:00:57.347
I am a 15-year police veteran.

00:00:57.347 --> 00:01:00.688
I work in Delaware for the Newcastle County Police.

00:01:00.688 --> 00:01:04.870
I am also the founder of Reed Training Solutions.

00:01:04.870 --> 00:01:24.552
That is a training and coaching company that I developed very like about three months ago, to be honest with you, kind of back in December, and basically what I'm doing with that is specializing in emotional intelligence, putting on training presentations for law enforcement organizations, other first responders.

00:01:25.581 --> 00:01:29.668
I also wrote a book it's called Police Leadership Redefined the EQ Advantage.

00:01:29.668 --> 00:01:40.272
And then also what I do on top of that is when I give these training presentations, just from what I have found is after about three days most people have forgotten my name.

00:01:40.272 --> 00:01:45.632
After about seven days most people have forgotten most of the presentations.

00:01:45.632 --> 00:01:49.049
So I do offer follow-up services to come back, you know what I mean.

00:01:49.049 --> 00:01:51.640
I really kind of work with organizations more one-on-one.

00:01:51.640 --> 00:01:53.826
But yeah, I do a lot of different things.

00:01:53.826 --> 00:02:09.510
To be totally honest with you, jerry, like I said, I had the law enforcement career, I had the side business, I'm married, I got two kids, I'm training for a marathon right now I have my PhD, I do Jiu-Jitsu that's me.

00:02:10.319 --> 00:02:14.009
Yeah, you must schedule your life up pretty well to be able to do all of that.

00:02:14.860 --> 00:02:19.611
Yeah, time management is definitely a skill that I have worked on over time, for sure.

00:02:20.681 --> 00:02:23.245
Yeah, what prompted you to start your business?

00:02:25.460 --> 00:02:28.008
I went to an event.

00:02:28.008 --> 00:02:31.048
So a buddy of mine, his name is TJ Frank.

00:02:31.048 --> 00:02:33.868
He owns a company that's called Consequences of Habit.

00:02:33.868 --> 00:02:35.125
It's a nonprofit.

00:02:35.125 --> 00:02:37.063
He put on what's called a.

00:02:37.063 --> 00:02:39.030
Basically it was just like a speaker event.

00:02:39.030 --> 00:02:51.822
He had an event where there was about four to five speakers that came to this event and this was the first event that he was putting on and just out of support, I put it out to our organization and there were some.

00:02:51.842 --> 00:02:54.449
One of the big speakers was a gentleman by the name of Nick Lavery.

00:02:54.449 --> 00:02:57.729
He is a active green beret.

00:02:57.729 --> 00:03:00.207
He actually lost his leg in combat.

00:03:00.207 --> 00:03:03.768
He's still an active green beret, even missing his leg.

00:03:03.768 --> 00:03:06.900
So he's a motivational speaker.

00:03:06.900 --> 00:03:11.070
Well, he was the keynote speaker and I've heard about him, I've seen him on social media.

00:03:11.070 --> 00:03:12.746
The guy's a bigger than life figure.

00:03:12.746 --> 00:03:16.549
He's six foot five, probably 265 pounds, just solid muscle.

00:03:17.560 --> 00:03:31.987
So I go to this event and I had no, I wasn't really thinking about the business at that time but I went and saw that man speak on stage and that was in October or November-ish and he basically I really felt like he was talking to me.

00:03:31.987 --> 00:03:39.729
His whole thing is stop wasting time, like, stop wasting your life, like if you have an idea, you want to do something, go do the thing.

00:03:39.729 --> 00:03:44.050
And there was probably 40 people on the stands and I thought he was just talking to me.

00:03:44.050 --> 00:03:45.003
It was one of those things.

00:03:45.003 --> 00:03:49.330
So I had always had this idea in the back of my head.

00:03:50.259 --> 00:03:51.885
I had had my PhD at that time.

00:03:51.885 --> 00:03:56.685
I'm currently a police sergeant, so I have a little bit of rank within my organization.

00:03:56.685 --> 00:03:59.191
But I was always just waiting.

00:03:59.191 --> 00:04:03.449
Right, I was always just I'll wait till I'm a lieutenant or a captain.

00:04:03.449 --> 00:04:07.623
I have a little more clout right at that point in time, and then I'll start my business.

00:04:07.623 --> 00:04:11.430
But after I heard him talk, I really just kind of sat down.

00:04:11.430 --> 00:04:14.388
I was like, and I was already in the process of writing that book.

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So I'm like what else can I possibly need?

00:04:17.427 --> 00:04:23.666
I have a PhD, I'm writing a book, I have some rank, like I've been around, like I know what I'm talking about.

00:04:23.666 --> 00:04:27.569
So that was like the thing that really kind of propelled me to start that.

00:04:28.380 --> 00:04:29.043
Yeah, very nice.

00:04:29.043 --> 00:04:31.204
And what about the book?

00:04:31.204 --> 00:04:33.627
Like what prompted you to write the book.

00:04:34.439 --> 00:04:44.846
I've always loved writing, so when I was in so just to back up a little bit when I started my law enforcement career I started off when I was 18 years old.

00:04:44.846 --> 00:04:47.827
I was a police officer down the shore in Wildwood, new Jersey.

00:04:47.827 --> 00:04:50.245
So that's like a seasonal thing, right.

00:04:50.245 --> 00:04:53.408
You just worked during the summertime, kind of walked the boardwalk.

00:04:53.408 --> 00:04:54.029
It was a great time.

00:04:54.029 --> 00:05:04.088
Well then I got the bug for policing and I applied to basically every state police organization in the country and I got picked up by Maryland state police.

00:05:04.088 --> 00:05:05.302
So I went there.

00:05:05.302 --> 00:05:06.446
I worked there for a couple of years.

00:05:07.480 --> 00:05:10.468
I met my now beautiful wife who we live.

00:05:10.468 --> 00:05:20.870
We're from New Jersey, we live in New Jersey and really we just made a decision at that time that our family's in New Jersey, everything we love and is endearing to us is in New Jersey.

00:05:20.870 --> 00:05:29.108
So I made the jump left Maryland state police and found Newcastle County police, right, and still had like no education.

00:05:29.108 --> 00:05:30.725
I did not go to college.

00:05:30.725 --> 00:05:39.028
I started with Newcastle County police at 22, 23 years old, didn't even think about college till I was in our detective unit.

00:05:39.028 --> 00:05:43.730
A terrible time to start thinking about education because we were very busy.

00:05:43.730 --> 00:05:46.206
I was in our major crimes unit at the time.

00:05:46.206 --> 00:05:58.425
But really somebody had a couple of people had a conversation with me and they just said hey, listen, we think you have a lot of potential within the organization, but you're going to have to get educated.

00:05:58.425 --> 00:06:00.021
You have nothing, you don't you?

00:06:00.021 --> 00:06:02.302
You don't only have like an associate's degree, you got to go do something.

00:06:02.302 --> 00:06:07.930
So I know you don't know me that well, jerry, but I'm a little psychotic with that kind of stuff.

00:06:08.740 --> 00:06:16.588
So at that time, at about 25, 26 years old, I did some research and I just was like okay, well, it's the highest level of education you can get.

00:06:16.588 --> 00:06:19.649
I don't even know at the time found out that it's a PhD.

00:06:19.649 --> 00:06:26.122
So I basically spent the next eight years going to school and really just fell in love with writing.

00:06:26.122 --> 00:06:32.624
When I was a detective, even I was the guy who on a lot of the major cases would write our search warrants.

00:06:33.199 --> 00:06:36.930
I just always liked like creative writing and just all that kind of stuff.

00:06:36.930 --> 00:06:45.908
So if anybody's thinking about going to PhD route, you better love writing, because that's really all it is and I do.

00:06:45.908 --> 00:06:56.247
So I fell in love with writing, got done, and then I've always been somebody who reads books and I enjoy reading myself and I just kind of thought why don't I just write my own book?

00:06:56.247 --> 00:07:03.925
So I just really got latched onto this concept of emotional intelligence and just kind of started a Word document.

00:07:03.925 --> 00:07:09.711
Before I knew it I had 50, 60 pages and then I just started expanding it and it kind of just took off from there.

00:07:11.002 --> 00:07:11.846
Yeah, that's impressive.

00:07:11.846 --> 00:07:18.192
That's quite a feat to take on during like the this portion of your career.

00:07:18.192 --> 00:07:23.750
So I can see why Ty and Manj is like probably down to a science kind of for you.

00:07:23.750 --> 00:07:27.103
Why did you pick emotional intelligence?

00:07:28.408 --> 00:07:29.269
Great question.

00:07:29.269 --> 00:07:34.151
So I have been a student of leadership forever, right?

00:07:34.151 --> 00:07:36.168
I mean, really, I've always been into reading leadership books.

00:07:36.168 --> 00:07:43.177
It's always been fascinating to me and I started to realize that Leadership has.

00:07:43.177 --> 00:07:51.401
I don't know if it's purposely been overcomplicated, but there are so many tips and tricks and theories and philosophies.

00:07:51.401 --> 00:08:02.416
There's tens of thousands, if not hundreds of thousands, of books out there about leadership and I started to realize they're all just kind of saying the same thing when it all comes down to it.

00:08:03.074 --> 00:08:15.163
So then I found emotional intelligence, and I had heard of emotional intelligence before, I had heard of this concept and for those that are listening, emotional intelligence it's broken down into four categories.

00:08:15.163 --> 00:08:18.463
The first is there's really four pillars to emotional intelligence.

00:08:18.463 --> 00:08:25.976
The first is self-awareness, so basically you just need to figure out who you are, become aware of, why you do the things you do.

00:08:25.976 --> 00:08:28.221
The second is self-management.

00:08:28.221 --> 00:08:32.384
So once you figure that out, learn how to manage your emotions.

00:08:32.384 --> 00:08:44.585
And something I always tell people is whatever emotion you're feeling at any point in time and it's funny because the first responder community doesn't like to talk about emotions a lot, but we all have emotions, so get over it.

00:08:44.585 --> 00:08:53.803
But whatever emotion you're feeling, it's okay, it's totally valid, now how you react to that emotion that may not be okay.

00:08:53.803 --> 00:08:59.466
So if you're feeling angry about something, you're feeling happy or jealous or whatever, it's totally fine.

00:08:59.466 --> 00:09:04.884
That's okay to feel that way, but how you react to it could potentially be inappropriate.

00:09:04.884 --> 00:09:08.342
If you're angry about a situation, you scream and yell about it.

00:09:08.342 --> 00:09:13.264
I'm just telling you now there's a 99% chance that that's probably not the right answer.

00:09:13.264 --> 00:09:19.780
So that's the second part of emotional intelligence is this self-management, learning how to become aware of your emotions.

00:09:19.780 --> 00:09:22.922
Number two learn how to manage those emotions.

00:09:22.922 --> 00:09:25.582
The third part is social awareness.

00:09:25.582 --> 00:09:31.418
So becoming aware of all these little social dynamics that are going on around you at any point in time.

00:09:32.195 --> 00:09:41.160
And I think in policing and really the first responder community, is a good example because, let's say, you hold some rank within your organization, let's say you're a lieutenant or a captain.

00:09:41.160 --> 00:10:00.201
You know, when you walk into a room, especially with my organization, if a captain walks into a room full of officers, the social dynamic has totally changed within that room and I would argue that it's not the responsibility of the officers to go up and approach that captain and have a conversation.

00:10:00.201 --> 00:10:02.480
It's just not how the hierarchy works.

00:10:02.480 --> 00:10:10.663
But if you have emotional intelligence, you recognize that as a captain and then you go and approach those officers and try to have that conversation.

00:10:12.414 --> 00:10:23.056
So the last part of emotional intelligence is relationship management, and that, I would argue, is man in any leadership position in your personal life, your professional life.

00:10:23.056 --> 00:10:27.765
Your ability to manage your relationships is everything.

00:10:27.765 --> 00:10:32.764
So once I started looking at that, I was like, well, that's the whole thing.

00:10:32.764 --> 00:10:39.264
You can give me any situation, jerry, any situation, and I can pinpoint it to one of those four pillars.

00:10:39.264 --> 00:10:56.202
Like if you're having an issue with something, it's either because you're lacking self-awareness, you're not able to manage your emotions about a certain situation, you're either not socially aware enough to understand what's going on and then ultimately, you're probably just not managing your relationships.

00:10:56.202 --> 00:11:03.144
So when I came across that, I was like that's my thing, that's easy to understand and it kind of covers everything.

00:11:04.495 --> 00:11:14.359
I really like that because I think there is a big education gap in our society about emotional intelligence.

00:11:14.359 --> 00:11:21.964
I think it's just something that doesn't get really talked about very much and I think that's a big problem, right?

00:11:21.964 --> 00:11:35.120
Because if you have one of those pillars, or all four of those pillars, a little bit weak, then it makes your life really hard and then makes your life the people around you, I should say lives probably hard as well.

00:11:35.120 --> 00:11:39.423
So I love talking about emotional intelligence.

00:11:39.423 --> 00:11:43.565
So I'm going to back up to pillar two, and you talked about anger.

00:11:43.565 --> 00:11:49.966
So anger, I feel like in the first responder world, is very common and very accepted.

00:11:49.966 --> 00:11:54.105
Now the other emotions may not be as accepted.

00:11:54.105 --> 00:11:59.559
So here's a question for you why is it that way?

00:12:00.955 --> 00:12:07.741
I think it's just like I tell you right now it's not socially acceptable to say that you're scared within the law enforcement community.

00:12:07.741 --> 00:12:11.424
It's not socially acceptable to say that you're sad about something.

00:12:11.424 --> 00:12:12.953
It's not socially acceptable.

00:12:12.953 --> 00:12:19.900
It's not socially acceptable to go to a baby death, right, which is a terrible incident, especially if you have children.

00:12:19.900 --> 00:12:25.865
And listen, this is how I was raised in my law enforcement career as well.

00:12:25.865 --> 00:12:36.466
You just be, and I don't even know if stoic is the right word, but you just go to the thing, you handle it, you shut your mouth and you just go on to the next thing, right.

00:12:36.466 --> 00:12:37.556
And there's never.

00:12:37.556 --> 00:12:41.745
People are really never allowed that time to process that information, right.

00:12:42.475 --> 00:12:49.524
So I wish you'd be working in a very busy area, right, the area that I, when I was working the road we talked about this before I came on.

00:12:49.524 --> 00:12:51.918
I don't work the road anymore, I don't work shift work.

00:12:51.918 --> 00:12:52.802
It's fantastic.

00:12:52.802 --> 00:12:53.657
Say what you want.

00:12:53.657 --> 00:12:58.543
If you're in a very busy jurisdiction, you're just.

00:12:58.543 --> 00:13:02.221
You're moving, you're motoring, you're going from call to call to call, right.

00:13:02.221 --> 00:13:10.039
So in the heat of the moment, I will argue this in the heat of the moment, you do have to put your emotions aside.

00:13:10.039 --> 00:13:15.336
You're just going to have to deal with the situation and just deal with the thing right Now.

00:13:15.336 --> 00:13:21.663
Later on you're going to have to learn how to process that emotion and that's where the failure really comes in.

00:13:22.154 --> 00:13:33.361
And I think, I think honestly, jerry, I think just first responders in general are very type A personalities and they just want to act like they have everything figured out, and I'm here to tell you nobody does.

00:13:33.361 --> 00:13:34.759
Nobody has this thing figured out.

00:13:34.759 --> 00:13:39.225
It's a great being a first responder or being in the military, both of those two things.

00:13:39.225 --> 00:13:41.615
It's a crazy endeavor, it's.

00:13:41.615 --> 00:13:50.009
You're exposed to so many insane things that humans are not supposed to be exposed to and you can get away with it.

00:13:50.009 --> 00:13:50.212
Right.

00:13:50.212 --> 00:13:57.999
You will get away with shoving those emotions down and never dealing with them for maybe two to four years.

00:13:58.078 --> 00:14:01.562
I would say you could probably get away with it for that a little bit of time.

00:14:01.562 --> 00:14:06.796
But what we see in law enforcement especially is you start hitting that five to seven year mark.

00:14:06.796 --> 00:14:13.979
That's when people really start having problems if they don't have this education, if they don't understand it.

00:14:13.979 --> 00:14:16.721
So I think things are getting better.

00:14:16.721 --> 00:14:20.400
I do, I think, just like the conversation you and I are having now.

00:14:20.400 --> 00:14:26.711
I mean, I'm an active police officer who's become an expert in emotional intelligence, and I'm spreading the word about it.

00:14:26.711 --> 00:14:33.985
I think things are getting out there, but yeah, that is a tough sell for the older generations for sure.

00:14:35.235 --> 00:14:44.139
Yeah, and I agree with you right to be stoic on a call is important 90% of the time, maybe 95% of the time.

00:14:44.139 --> 00:14:45.677
Right, there's definitely time.

00:14:45.677 --> 00:14:51.740
Showing emotion can definitely help the situation, you know, depending on what that emotion is.

00:14:51.740 --> 00:15:02.806
But I think just being stoic all the time just causes people to always be stoic and never revisit those emotions that they had about a call.

00:15:02.806 --> 00:15:08.947
But, right, if you're busy, area call the call to call, you don't have time to process them.

00:15:08.947 --> 00:15:28.488
But you got to take the time at some point right to process these emotions, because start unpacking it after four years, like there is so much to unpack, and I, you know, I did this for 34 years and I had to start unpacking a lot longer down the road.

00:15:28.488 --> 00:15:32.142
So unpacking it sooner probably just not in the right way.

00:15:32.142 --> 00:15:35.779
Right, the emotional, intelligent way to do that.

00:15:35.779 --> 00:15:49.822
But yeah, I mean, I just think it's something that maybe as supervisors, right with that emotional intelligence, can help, you know, break down those barriers and talk about it when there is some calm, you know, in the story.

00:15:50.754 --> 00:15:52.019
You took the words right out of my mouth.

00:15:52.019 --> 00:15:57.186
So if you are in a leadership position, you got to keep an eye on people.

00:15:57.186 --> 00:15:58.456
Right, and you got to.

00:15:58.456 --> 00:15:59.379
You got to know.

00:15:59.379 --> 00:16:01.926
Number one you have to be present.

00:16:01.926 --> 00:16:07.758
If you're a leader, especially, let's say, you're on the on the ground level right, you're within my organization.

00:16:07.758 --> 00:16:28.921
I'll just give you an example If you're a sergeant within my organization on a patrol level, well, you have about eight to 10 people on your span of control and you're out there with them, you're out there on the road with them, you're going from call to call, like that kind of stuff, and you're gonna have to have conversations with your people and get to know them and just park out with them.

00:16:29.034 --> 00:16:40.217
I remember, you know, if we're on a midnight shift, we would be going from call to call to call, and then I would make it a point to park up with each one of those people at least once by the end of the night.

00:16:40.217 --> 00:16:43.600
And listen, I'm telling you right now that was annoying for me to do.

00:16:43.600 --> 00:16:46.222
It was not easy, because we work in a big area.

00:16:46.222 --> 00:16:51.360
So I would have to, like, find out where they're at and then go, drive to them and then park out for a little bit.

00:16:51.360 --> 00:16:54.965
But you know, this doesn't have to be over complicated.

00:16:55.394 --> 00:17:04.365
When I say that you have to unpack these emotions, it could just be me and you parking up right and just talking about the thing we just went through.

00:17:04.365 --> 00:17:07.821
You don't have to be a psychologist, you don't have to be like this crazy thing.

00:17:07.821 --> 00:17:13.459
But those emotions, those stress hormone levels, they gotta go somewhere.

00:17:13.459 --> 00:17:22.661
So when you have this giant jump in stress hormone, it doesn't just go away, right, it's not just gonna dissipate.

00:17:22.661 --> 00:17:30.320
It will dissipate, but it's gonna harbor itself in your body until you release it, which can be done through exercise.

00:17:30.320 --> 00:17:31.664
Talking about it.

00:17:31.664 --> 00:17:33.359
There's a whole lot of different ways to do it.

00:17:33.359 --> 00:17:42.301
The problem comes in when people use alcohol, when people use other substances, to just kind of like drown those feelings out.

00:17:42.301 --> 00:17:45.442
That is when we really start to see issues.

00:17:45.442 --> 00:17:51.420
But really just talking about it, being in shape, working out, I mean those are basic things, but they really do work.

00:17:52.895 --> 00:17:55.624
Yeah, once again, you have to invest in yourself.

00:17:55.624 --> 00:17:59.724
This is a long and grueling career.

00:17:59.724 --> 00:18:03.885
You gotta take that time to find those ways to invest in yourself.

00:18:03.885 --> 00:18:13.621
You can't just invest all into the job because, I'll be honest, right At the end of the day, you're still just a number For most departments.

00:18:13.621 --> 00:18:20.178
Right, you're just a number and you're gonna be replaced, so you gotta really take care of yourself, look out for yourself.

00:18:21.234 --> 00:18:22.520
Yeah, I got two things to say about that.

00:18:22.520 --> 00:18:24.201
Number one, what I tell people.

00:18:24.201 --> 00:18:26.077
So I try to be.

00:18:26.077 --> 00:18:28.380
Here's the other thing I'm gonna drop a bomb on you.

00:18:28.380 --> 00:18:30.321
So I work in internal affairs.

00:18:30.321 --> 00:18:33.179
So I've been in internal affairs for the last two and a half years.

00:18:34.035 --> 00:18:42.625
Nobody likes anybody that's ever worked in internal affairs, but I'm a very social person within our organization.

00:18:42.625 --> 00:18:46.623
So we have about four, we have an author, I strength of 415 officers.

00:18:46.623 --> 00:18:57.838
We're a decent size, but I make it a point I strategically walk around our building every single day for at least an hour, hour and a half and just talk with people.

00:18:57.838 --> 00:19:09.824
Just talk with people, because if you're in internal affairs and you never talk to people and the only time they ever see you is when they're getting in trouble, it's gonna be a terrible experience for that officer.

00:19:09.824 --> 00:19:12.403
You're never really gonna get a true relationship with them.

00:19:12.403 --> 00:19:14.740
If you really have to investigate like a serious incident.

00:19:16.865 --> 00:19:32.980
But when I tell people, so when I'm at the gas pumps, right, and I see a younger officer, I love having conversations with them and my new thing, what I'm telling people is when I see a younger officer, I tell them listen, your goal should be to leave this profession better than you came in.

00:19:32.980 --> 00:19:37.365
So us here in Delaware we're lucky.

00:19:37.365 --> 00:19:40.243
It's a 20 year pension, then you can get out, which is great.

00:19:40.243 --> 00:19:44.645
So theoretically I could retire here at 42, but that's my goal.

00:19:44.645 --> 00:19:47.999
My goal is to be better physically and mentally than when I came in.

00:19:48.474 --> 00:19:49.599
Now, listen, is that gonna happen?

00:19:49.599 --> 00:19:51.217
I don't know, but I'm sure it's.

00:19:51.217 --> 00:19:51.939
Hell gonna try.

00:19:51.939 --> 00:19:52.862
You know what I mean.

00:19:52.862 --> 00:19:57.457
I'm gonna try for that, but that's the attitude you have to take and you can't.

00:19:57.457 --> 00:20:01.382
This is a proactive thing Like this is not just gonna happen by itself.

00:20:01.382 --> 00:20:06.602
That first pillar to emotional intelligence, that self-awareness, that is work.

00:20:06.602 --> 00:20:10.084
I mean, dude, you gotta really figure yourself out.

00:20:10.084 --> 00:20:18.800
You gotta figure out what makes you tick, what are your sleeping patterns, what foods work well for you, how's your hydration, all that physical stuff.

00:20:18.800 --> 00:20:22.820
How many days a week do you need to exercise to really feel at your best?

00:20:22.820 --> 00:20:24.779
How are your relationships?

00:20:24.779 --> 00:20:31.743
All that stuff goes into self-awareness and it's not gonna happen overnight and you're gonna have your ups and downs and all that kind of stuff.

00:20:31.743 --> 00:20:34.703
But you have to figure that out, you have to.

00:20:35.954 --> 00:20:48.960
Yeah, I think I tried to point out on the podcast, like multiple times, but if you're new to listening, you know it's that body and you know the physical aspect right, physical aspect of your mind and body, like how they work together.

00:20:48.960 --> 00:20:54.739
If you're not putting in good stuff into your body then you're probably not functioning at an optimal level.

00:20:54.739 --> 00:20:59.162
And I too, I love the goal of like retire better than you know thing.

00:20:59.162 --> 00:20:59.663
You came in.

00:20:59.663 --> 00:21:16.741
That was one of my big goals, you know, just tried to, you know, hit that level as much as I could and I did in a lot of ways and I was lucky to do so because I see so many people retire and then they like just kind of become a shell of themselves and I also can see how that can happen.

00:21:17.454 --> 00:21:19.121
Yeah and Jerry, I feel terrible for people.

00:21:19.121 --> 00:21:19.663
I really do.

00:21:19.663 --> 00:21:24.220
You know, my levels of empathy have definitely grown over the years.

00:21:24.220 --> 00:21:46.506
I used to be a pretty like hollow person when it came to empathy for other people, but I feel bad for people who got into this profession, were never educated about how to properly manage their stress, how to properly, you know, exercise and eat well and manage the relationships, all that stuff.

00:21:46.506 --> 00:21:53.601
And now they did 25, 30 years and the system just spits them out and it's like good luck to you.

00:21:54.275 --> 00:21:56.357
And, like you just said, you said it perfectly you're just a number.

00:21:56.357 --> 00:22:00.440
And somebody actually explained that to me when I was in our detective unit.

00:22:00.440 --> 00:22:04.442
And listen, when I was in detectives I was married but I had no kids.

00:22:04.442 --> 00:22:08.480
So every time I called out anytime there was a page I always came out.

00:22:08.480 --> 00:22:19.057
But man, I'll tell you what, if I had kids at the time, I don't know if I would have been like that, because I knew as soon as I left they were gonna replace me with somebody else the very next day.

00:22:19.057 --> 00:22:28.319
And I'm not so like arrogant to think that I'm so special right that I couldn't be replaced Everybody's replaceable.

00:22:28.842 --> 00:22:30.465
Yeah, I mean to speak to that.

00:22:30.465 --> 00:22:43.280
You do have special qualities and historical knowledge and things like that, but at the end of the day it doesn't stop them from replacing you when you leave and to go back to taking all the call outs and being available all the time.

00:22:43.280 --> 00:22:50.703
And that does come at a cost, not just to you, right, it comes at a cost to all those who surround you.

00:22:50.703 --> 00:23:01.863
So I think maybe people should think about that a little bit more when they're saying I do, or I guess I will, or whatever, and never saying no to the department.

00:23:01.863 --> 00:23:15.900
I mean I think you have to kind of stand up for yourself at some point and just like I can't do it, and they shouldn't think bad about you, Like you know, they just like, hey, I understand your priorities, your family, you know, and that's acceptable.

00:23:16.762 --> 00:23:18.573
Yeah, you actually just made me think of something.

00:23:18.573 --> 00:23:30.340
So, something I talk about, like when I go to speaking events and really I could do a whole, probably speaking event just on self-awareness, because that that's when you talk about emotional intelligence.

00:23:30.340 --> 00:23:36.141
You gotta think about it Like each one of those things is kind of builds upon one another, right?

00:23:36.141 --> 00:23:38.454
So your self-management skills are not.

00:23:38.454 --> 00:23:41.582
They're going to be pretty crappy if you're not self-aware, right?

00:23:41.582 --> 00:23:43.980
And the same token, your social awareness.

00:23:43.980 --> 00:23:49.461
You're never going to be socially aware unless you have self-management skills and unless you're self-aware.

00:23:49.461 --> 00:23:56.511
But anyway, one of the best things that I ever did was I had somebody work me through an exercise.

00:23:56.511 --> 00:23:59.240
And I'll work you through it right now too.

00:23:59.240 --> 00:24:03.673
You don't have to, we're not going to go through the whole thing, but basically the conversation is all right.

00:24:03.693 --> 00:24:09.477
Jerry, let's say this is the last time you and I speak to each other for the next year, right?

00:24:09.477 --> 00:24:15.156
And I reject that because I think, jerry, I think you and I are going to probably have more conversations after this, but for sake of argument.

00:24:15.156 --> 00:24:29.256
And then I see you at a conference one year from now and, jerry, you come up to me and you say, dude, since the last time I talked to you one year ago, I've had the most incredible year of my entire life.

00:24:29.256 --> 00:24:30.373
You wouldn't believe it.

00:24:30.373 --> 00:24:32.895
Everything just went exactly how I thought it was going to go.

00:24:34.289 --> 00:24:39.175
The next part of that is well, what does that look like and what it requires you to do?

00:24:39.175 --> 00:24:44.959
The next part for you partaking in this is to actually write it down, which takes time.

00:24:44.959 --> 00:24:57.779
I did this and it took me a few days right, I took two to three hours for a few days, and my wife did the same thing and you write out specifically like what's your perfect day look like?

00:24:57.779 --> 00:25:01.159
Okay, I can already tell you right now my vision that I wrote out.

00:25:01.159 --> 00:25:02.332
This is some woo-woo stuff.

00:25:02.332 --> 00:25:03.576
I get it writing out vision.

00:25:05.355 --> 00:25:06.176
You're good, I like it.

00:25:06.176 --> 00:25:16.419
But part of my vision is every day when I wake up in the morning, I am free from disease and I am proud of every accomplishment I've had up to that day.

00:25:16.419 --> 00:25:30.518
And then it goes on and on right about how my relationship is with my wife, how much money I have in the bank, what's my relationship like with my kids, how do I feel when I'm at work, how do I feel when I'm doing my speaking events.

00:25:30.518 --> 00:25:43.938
And then it evolves even more because now I know, now that I have my clear vision, I know that I don't do more than two podcasts in a week and I won't be away from my family more than three times in a month for a speaking event.

00:25:43.938 --> 00:25:45.734
Like I know what those numbers are.

00:25:45.734 --> 00:25:54.314
So when opportunities come up, it's very easy for me to say no, thank you, because that doesn't align with my vision.

00:25:54.314 --> 00:25:55.971
Right, and me personally.

00:25:56.996 --> 00:26:02.053
Not that I ever had a problem with alcohol, but alcohol is not part of my life anymore.

00:26:02.053 --> 00:26:08.733
I stopped drinking alcohol, I don't know, probably five, six months ago, really for no reason.

00:26:08.733 --> 00:26:12.854
I just kind of thought to myself like this doesn't make me feel good the next day.

00:26:12.854 --> 00:26:15.095
Ever it's never made me feel good.

00:26:15.095 --> 00:26:35.476
So, with that exercise, with the vision, I'm telling you, man, if people took the time to actually sit down and write this thing out it's harder than you think it's harder to get very granular and think about how you would feel and then, based off of that, then you can start building your life, then you can start building things off of that.

00:26:36.690 --> 00:26:39.957
So life by design, not life by accident.

00:26:40.538 --> 00:26:41.500
Yes, yes.

00:26:42.422 --> 00:26:44.393
Yeah, I mean.

00:26:44.393 --> 00:26:44.452
So.

00:26:44.452 --> 00:26:51.096
I mean, can you explain a little bit about, like, the power of seeing these things and writing them down?

00:26:51.096 --> 00:27:18.701
I mean, I know the kind of like one is like you're setting your limitations right, you're setting your balance and stuff like that of how right I like that about speaking engagements and I'm not going to be gone more than three times and because if you don't do that, what's the opposite of that Right Is taking on maybe more than you could and then it shifts right back into bleeding over until all these other things your career, your family life and everything.

00:27:18.701 --> 00:27:21.998
But I believe I totally believe in design in your life.

00:27:23.521 --> 00:27:26.799
Yeah, I think it's very easy to become desperate as well, right?

00:27:26.799 --> 00:27:37.859
Especially, I think some people get caught into this pattern of just waking up in the morning and just making decisions and just going about their day.

00:27:37.859 --> 00:27:50.978
And I say this too I would argue that people that you see that are super successful and people that you see that are really struggling, I would argue they make the same number of decisions every day.

00:27:50.978 --> 00:27:54.598
The difference is, where are those decisions taking them?

00:27:54.598 --> 00:28:03.641
Because the successful person quote, unquote, whatever success means to you probably has an idea in their head of the path that they're going down.

00:28:03.641 --> 00:28:07.875
They probably have a to-do list that they do every morning hey, I'm going to accomplish this, this and this.

00:28:07.875 --> 00:28:18.196
Whereas we see other people who are kind of just like wavering all the time right, they're very easily blown off track, they don't really know exactly what direction they're going in.

00:28:18.196 --> 00:28:26.916
And, again, they're making 150, 200 decisions a day, just like the other person is, but their decisions are just taking them all over the place.

00:28:26.916 --> 00:28:35.396
And by writing down that vision and I'm also going to say this if you have a significant other, have them do it too.

00:28:35.396 --> 00:28:36.834
They have to do it too.

00:28:37.250 --> 00:28:43.843
My wife did this same exercise by herself, and then me and her came together and we reviewed it together.

00:28:43.843 --> 00:28:50.482
Luckily, thank God, they were both very much aligned, which is why we have a great relationship.

00:28:50.482 --> 00:29:00.117
But let's say you're married to somebody and you go through this exercise and it turns out that they're totally not in alignment with what you thought they were.

00:29:00.117 --> 00:29:01.460
That's awesome.

00:29:01.460 --> 00:29:09.519
I would look at that as a positive, like, oh, thank goodness, thank goodness we figured this out now, but now we can try to get back on path, like how we need to go.

00:29:11.133 --> 00:29:16.542
But yeah, man, I think just going through life kind of haphazardly, good luck to you.

00:29:16.542 --> 00:29:18.075
I don't think that's the best plan.

00:29:18.075 --> 00:29:36.934
I'm not telling anybody what to do, but for me personally, when I really drilled down and started figuring out exactly what I wanted to do and the whole free from disease thing, well, that means I got to exercise five days a week, because that's a non-negotiable, it's a total non-negotiable.

00:29:36.934 --> 00:29:44.482
There's also a total non-negotiable that after dinner time my daughter and I watch TV together Non-negotiable.

00:29:44.482 --> 00:29:47.455
I don't care what's going on, I'm not missing that, you know.

00:29:48.369 --> 00:29:49.755
Yeah, I like that.

00:29:49.755 --> 00:29:55.809
I think you may not find as much joy like kind of like going through your life haphazardly.

00:29:55.809 --> 00:30:12.036
I mean, I think there is some joy sometimes in that and there's maybe some you know moments to do that in your life, but generally through your life I don't think that's going to get you to where you want to be and I think you're going to find yourself as you get older and older and like crap and look back like what did I accomplish?

00:30:12.036 --> 00:30:23.638
Or and it's not too late, maybe to do those things that are really enjoyed and I wanted to do, and I cut them out of my life because the thing that took over that seems to take over for most first responders right is their career.

00:30:24.560 --> 00:30:29.660
Yeah, yeah, man, I'll tell you what I talk to people all the time from all over the place.

00:30:29.660 --> 00:30:43.721
I've been very fortunate to you know the I just started this business, but this message that I'm putting out seems to be connecting with people because I'm getting to go and travel and see different police organizations and different things and see how they operate.

00:30:43.721 --> 00:30:54.143
Man, I'll tell you what first responders are basically all the same, it doesn't matter where you go, because and I don't know what it is but they really get tied up.

00:30:54.143 --> 00:30:56.457
They're very passionate people, which is awesome.

00:30:57.509 --> 00:31:03.873
With that culture of being a first responder can become a black hole and they almost just get blinded.

00:31:03.873 --> 00:31:11.940
They have these blinders on and they fail to like step outside of it sometimes and realize, like the big picture, and I listen, I get it.

00:31:11.940 --> 00:31:15.641
I was, I'm still, a very dedicated first responder.

00:31:15.641 --> 00:31:26.314
I love the job, but there are many other things that are far more important to me than the profession and that's hard for a lot of people to hear and it's hard for a lot of people to follow suit with that.

00:31:26.314 --> 00:31:33.323
But again, I'm not telling anybody what to do, but you will be replaced pretty quickly once it's over.

00:31:34.732 --> 00:31:35.655
I mean, you wrote a book.

00:31:35.655 --> 00:31:37.099
You kind of are telling people what to do.

00:31:38.613 --> 00:31:39.516
I appreciate it.

00:31:39.516 --> 00:31:41.296
Very good point, Jerry.

00:31:42.992 --> 00:31:44.477
You're giving them help on what to do?

00:31:45.038 --> 00:31:48.840
Yes, yeah, have you ever heard of you ever heard of Earl Nightingale?

00:31:48.840 --> 00:31:55.074
So Earl Nightingale for anybody who doesn't know, he was kind of the Godfather of self-development.

00:31:55.074 --> 00:31:58.722
He was back in the 50s and 60s.

00:31:58.722 --> 00:31:59.365
He's dead now.

00:31:59.365 --> 00:32:06.679
But something Earl would say before a lot of his speeches and stuff and I really recommend anybody go listen to his stuff he's awesome.

00:32:07.134 --> 00:32:11.377
But he would say you know, I'm not here to tell you how to live your life.

00:32:11.377 --> 00:32:15.817
That's not in my business, that's nobody else's business, that's your business.

00:32:15.817 --> 00:32:31.622
Now, all I'm here to do is share with you decades upon decades of research and whatever you do with that information is on you and that's what I've really tried to do recently because, I'll be totally honest, I did not used to be like that, especially when it comes to fitness.

00:32:31.622 --> 00:32:33.878
I mean, we haven't even really touched on the fitness side of things.

00:32:33.878 --> 00:32:37.884
I can get very psychotic with the fitness side of things.

00:32:37.884 --> 00:32:40.763
I mean I got super into triathlons for a while.

00:32:40.763 --> 00:32:49.442
Then I got super into jiu-jitsu for a while and I would always try to pressure people into doing the things that I was doing.

00:32:50.234 --> 00:33:00.000
But it's very hard to convince people to go do an Ironman triathlon right, where you swim 2.4 miles, you get on a bike for 112 miles and you go run a marathon.

00:33:00.000 --> 00:33:03.304
To me it's like, of course that's an awesome thing.

00:33:03.304 --> 00:33:04.338
Why would you not want to do that?

00:33:04.338 --> 00:33:10.604
But I learned very soon or very shortly that you can't tell people how to live their life.

00:33:10.604 --> 00:33:12.682
You can give them advice, you know what I mean.

00:33:12.682 --> 00:33:24.661
You can kind of try to steer them in a positive direction, but chances are and if anybody who's married out there has a significant other if you just tell somebody to do something, they're probably not going to do it.

00:33:25.502 --> 00:33:38.942
Yeah, yeah, I like going back to kind of like designing your life and putting things intentional in order, because I think it's very easy.

00:33:38.942 --> 00:33:54.561
It was easy for me to do this follow-in-the-strap of just constantly working right and the joy just kind of just diminishes and the only memories that you will have for a while in my career is like, oh, it's all work related.

00:33:54.561 --> 00:34:02.540
I worked four or five jobs for a bulk of my career, which was ridiculous, and they're like, well, how'd you do that?

00:34:02.540 --> 00:34:11.085
I just knew I had to be this place one day, that place the next day, one this place the next day, the next place, and then you'd see your family some odd times in between.

00:34:11.085 --> 00:34:20.101
But then you just keep in like this perpetual rhythm of work and little to no joy, and that can only last so long.

00:34:20.815 --> 00:34:22.541
Yeah, yeah, that's like I'm telling you.

00:34:22.541 --> 00:34:27.159
I think the timeframe on that is like that three, maybe five years.

00:34:27.159 --> 00:34:30.981
You can kind of get away with it and then it goes downhill from there.

00:34:30.981 --> 00:34:46.518
Now here's the only thing, like the only fortunate thing for me personally I'm just talking about myself is within my own police organization and honestly, even when I started at the age of 18, I have done something different every two years, like clockwork.

00:34:46.518 --> 00:34:51.782
Every two years I'm doing something different, I have a new assignment, I have to learn a new job.

00:34:51.782 --> 00:34:55.182
So for me personally that's very mentally stimulating.

00:34:55.182 --> 00:34:59.081
I don't get burned out, I just always have these new things going on.

00:34:59.081 --> 00:34:59.963
Well, guess what?

00:34:59.963 --> 00:35:06.702
That's the rare case, right, a lot of first responders, especially if you work in a smaller organization.

00:35:06.702 --> 00:35:14.923
You're gonna be doing your own patrol, like you're gonna do patrol work for 20 years, and again, that's what it comes back full circle to.

00:35:14.923 --> 00:35:22.878
You're gonna have to be very proactive to keep your head above water, because and the job's fun, you know- what I mean Like being a first responder.

00:35:22.938 --> 00:35:23.380
It's fun.

00:35:23.380 --> 00:35:24.438
It really is.

00:35:24.438 --> 00:35:31.644
It's arguably the organizational stressors that really stress people out, more than the operational stuff.

00:35:31.644 --> 00:35:36.244
But you're gonna have to come up with some formula for you.

00:35:36.244 --> 00:35:40.085
Like Jerry Lund is gonna have a different formula than Jean Reed.

00:35:40.085 --> 00:35:45.878
Like I can tell you like, hey, this has worked for me and that might not work for you.

00:35:45.878 --> 00:35:48.425
It might not, and that's the tough part.

00:35:48.425 --> 00:35:57.681
That's the tough part is it really comes back on you as the individual, to you gotta wanna do it number one, and it's gonna be some trial and error.

00:35:57.681 --> 00:35:59.400
It's gonna take some trial and error for sure.

00:36:00.054 --> 00:36:02.001
Yeah, it's like physical fitness and nutrition, right?

00:36:02.001 --> 00:36:09.601
I mean we could eat the same and work out the same, but our bodies are gonna do probably two totally completely different things.

00:36:10.282 --> 00:36:11.818
Yeah, oh, man, speak about eating.

00:36:11.818 --> 00:36:14.518
Have you ever gotten involved in like fasting or anything like that?

00:36:14.518 --> 00:36:15.400
A little bit.

00:36:15.400 --> 00:36:28.244
So me being psychotic, I got really into intermittent fasting for a while, right, Cause it was like all the craze and everybody's like this is the answer to living forever or whatever.

00:36:28.244 --> 00:36:37.074
And I would do this 16 hour fast and then you're feeding windows eight hours and that worked, Like that was fine.

00:36:37.074 --> 00:36:42.186
And then I experimented with a 24 hour fast and that was fine, Like I was like okay.

00:36:44.335 --> 00:36:53.541
And so then I started doing these 24 hour fasts like once a week because I'm a psycho and I started getting sick, Like I would just get these colds right.

00:36:53.541 --> 00:36:58.382
I would kind of like get sick more often than not and I never put two and two together.

00:36:58.382 --> 00:37:00.021
I never put two and two together.

00:37:00.021 --> 00:37:11.943
That, hey, dummy, maybe it's cause you're stressing your body out and on top of all, that I'm working out like a fiend, really only eating six days a week, cause I'm taking one of those days and just not eating.

00:37:11.943 --> 00:37:16.565
And then I extended that to a 72 hour fast.

00:37:16.565 --> 00:37:24.605
So I did a 72 hour fast one time, which honestly wasn't for anybody who's like trying fasting once you get past the first 16 hours or whatever.

00:37:24.605 --> 00:37:25.217
It's really not.

00:37:25.217 --> 00:37:27.880
Your body kind of just stops being hungry.

00:37:27.880 --> 00:37:34.420
But again I got really sick after that 72 hour thing and that was my final moment to be like.

00:37:34.420 --> 00:37:35.998
This isn't for me.

00:37:36.574 --> 00:37:38.898
Like the whole intermittent fasting thing, it's not for me.

00:37:38.898 --> 00:37:42.925
It works great for a lot of people, Not me.

00:37:42.925 --> 00:37:46.641
So when I get up in the morning I have like a little bit of food.

00:37:46.641 --> 00:37:51.065
It's like a little, you know, maybe some protein, some mixed nuts and an apple or something whatever.

00:37:51.065 --> 00:37:53.523
But and that works really well for me.

00:37:53.523 --> 00:38:06.523
And despite me having two small children who are like just bring germs from who knows where, and my wife's a school teacher, so I've all these different bio-domes of germs coming into my home, Knock on what.

00:38:06.523 --> 00:38:08.574
I don't really get sick that much.

00:38:08.574 --> 00:38:11.659
So now I know that, okay, well, that thing didn't work for me.

00:38:11.659 --> 00:38:13.043
But what did that take?

00:38:13.043 --> 00:38:13.965
Well, it took trial and error.

00:38:13.965 --> 00:38:14.998
I had to figure that out.

00:38:15.701 --> 00:38:25.963
Yeah, I think you have to be willing to put yourself out there and do that trial and error and then and continue right To do that, to find what's gonna work for you.

00:38:25.963 --> 00:38:27.398
I do that a lot.

00:38:27.398 --> 00:38:33.385
When it comes to like doing different types of therapy, like you know, I'm like, oh, I'll try this therapy, I'll try that therapy.

00:38:33.385 --> 00:38:40.780
Like you know, it's just try it to see you like, okay, I like this, you know, about EMDR, I like this about ketamine.

00:38:40.780 --> 00:38:50.222
Like you know, just maybe build your own kind of like routine of healthcare right and wellness, and I think that's really the key.

00:38:50.222 --> 00:38:54.063
When it comes to being a first round, it's like you have to build it kind of yourself.

00:38:54.063 --> 00:38:59.882
Take bits and pieces from great people and try and try on there, but build something, yep.

00:39:00.182 --> 00:39:01.346
Yep, yeah, that's a great point.

00:39:01.346 --> 00:39:07.338
Like I said, I did Jiu Jitsu pretty hardcore for like two and a half years.

00:39:07.338 --> 00:39:11.503
I love Jiu Jitsu, it's awesome and I will definitely get back into Jiu Jitsu.

00:39:11.503 --> 00:39:17.963
I took a small break just to be telling you honestly, I just ran out of time, dude, Like I started the business doing too many things.

00:39:17.963 --> 00:39:19.320
Something's gotta give at some point.

00:39:20.135 --> 00:39:31.501
But I found for me, from a mental clarity standpoint, like endurance stuff works really well for me when I go for a 10 mile run that I don't listen to music.

00:39:31.501 --> 00:39:33.242
I don't bring anything with me.

00:39:33.242 --> 00:39:34.721
That's meditation for me.

00:39:34.721 --> 00:39:43.780
I just get into this meditative state and man do I feel incredible, and that's why I'm purposely training for a marathon right now.

00:39:43.780 --> 00:39:46.081
I'm not even signed up to go run a marathon race.

00:39:46.081 --> 00:39:54.826
What I'm gonna do is train for this marathon and then walk out my front door one Saturday and just run 26.2 miles just to do it.

00:39:54.826 --> 00:39:59.663
But like that works for me and I know it works for me, the endurance side of stuff.

00:39:59.663 --> 00:40:00.657
Guess what?

00:40:00.657 --> 00:40:02.101
That may not work for you.

00:40:02.101 --> 00:40:04.882
It may be a terrible idea for somebody else.

00:40:05.994 --> 00:40:10.701
Yeah, and I've played around with different physical activities I like to do.

00:40:10.701 --> 00:40:16.565
I've done triathlons, marathons, like all those things, just regular pickleball, right.

00:40:16.565 --> 00:40:23.143
All just what is it that works for you to get you active and like looking forward to doing some physical activity?

00:40:23.143 --> 00:40:28.581
Because for a lot of first responders they don't have a lot of physical activity.

00:40:28.581 --> 00:40:39.217
Maybe it comes in spurts, right, but there's a lot of downtime between that physical activity and then it hurts their mobility if they're not doing anything daily to help themselves.

00:40:40.375 --> 00:40:41.420
You know what else I found in?

00:40:41.420 --> 00:40:48.847
Again, this is not me telling anybody what to do or whatever, but I got into Wim Hof like his breathing style.

00:40:48.847 --> 00:40:50.228
I'm not very familiar with it, or not?

00:40:50.228 --> 00:40:50.855
Yeah, I do that.

00:40:50.855 --> 00:41:00.005
So I do three rounds of Wim Hof's breathing protocol, if you will, every single morning, and that's how I start my day.

00:41:00.005 --> 00:41:02.101
Then I go take a cold shower, and that's just.

00:41:02.101 --> 00:41:11.722
I've been doing that for quite a while now, but I think I realized that, why exercise is so important and why it's just the breathing.

00:41:11.722 --> 00:41:13.440
It literally just comes down to breathing.

00:41:13.440 --> 00:41:23.159
So, whatever you can do to force yourself to take deep breaths which is why the cold exposure is so good, I think, because it forces you to take that deep breath in.

00:41:23.159 --> 00:41:31.121
So, wim Hof, you go through these 30 repetitions of the inhale exhale, or if you go do jiu-jitsu in the morning, you're gonna be gasping for air.

00:41:31.594 --> 00:41:32.478
Or if you go for a run.

00:41:33.094 --> 00:41:47.425
That's like really just find something that forces you to breathe, because I think a lot of people again I don't have the research on this, I don't really know I think a lot of people are just like working desk job and then just going around.

00:41:47.425 --> 00:41:54.563
They're not even thinking about their breathing and they're just shallow breathing and their body's just kind of like hey, man, I need like some oxygen.

00:41:54.563 --> 00:41:56.661
Can you give me some deep breaths here please?

00:41:56.661 --> 00:42:03.541
And that's why I think early morning exercise is why people feel so good for the rest of the day.

00:42:03.541 --> 00:42:06.262
Your oxygen in your body, you need that oxygen.

00:42:06.262 --> 00:42:08.621
That's why I like the Wim Hof stuff early in the morning.

00:42:08.621 --> 00:42:15.579
I usually save my exercise for nighttime, but that Wim Hof doing the rounds of that, that's money.

00:42:16.282 --> 00:42:20.702
Yeah Well, Gene, you'll be excited to know there is research on the breathing thing.

00:42:21.516 --> 00:42:22.619
Oh great, tell me about it.

00:42:23.215 --> 00:42:30.679
And you are correct, people are breathing less deeply, they're breathing shallower.

00:42:30.679 --> 00:42:37.722
So there's a whole thing we could go into about the rate of breathing and how it's changed over time and everything like that.

00:42:37.722 --> 00:42:53.416
But there is research out there, cause I was curious when I started doing the Wim Hof stuff right, and then I was so I started looking into it and then started diving down into you know why it's so important and why it works so well and stuff like that.

00:42:53.416 --> 00:42:55.300
But there's some good research out there.

00:42:56.222 --> 00:42:56.563
So I think-.

00:42:56.583 --> 00:42:58.688
That's that Go ahead.

00:42:58.775 --> 00:43:10.820
I was just gonna say the my buddy who has that nonprofit consequences of habit, in March sometime in the next few weeks they're putting on it's a Wim Hof breathing seminar with cold exposure.

00:43:10.820 --> 00:43:12.961
So I got invited to go do that.

00:43:12.961 --> 00:43:13.777
I am pumped.

00:43:13.777 --> 00:43:17.304
It's a two hour thing where they go through a pretty intense.

00:43:17.304 --> 00:43:23.838
So I've never done like a seminar like this where, from what they tell me, it gets like you might get emotional.

00:43:23.838 --> 00:43:30.896
It gets super intense, like with the breathing and you know I'm used to doing rounds of 30 inhales and exhales.

00:43:30.896 --> 00:43:32.623
Well, they might do 120.

00:43:32.623 --> 00:43:36.215
And you really get into it and then you get into the cold exposure like dude.

00:43:36.215 --> 00:43:37.320
I cannot wait for that.

00:43:37.320 --> 00:43:38.318
That's gonna be incredible.

00:43:39.054 --> 00:43:41.902
Yeah, yeah, yeah, they do some around here too.

00:43:41.902 --> 00:43:44.222
I think it's become more and more popular.

00:43:44.222 --> 00:43:52.146
But yeah, I think when I was doing this the research on the breathing thing there is some emotional aspect to it.

00:43:52.146 --> 00:44:04.163
I don't completely understand what that is and how that ties into your breathing or releasing those emotions, but there's probably definitely somebody listening who can reach out to both of us and let us know what that is.

00:44:05.215 --> 00:44:06.742
Yeah, there's probably somebody screaming right now.

00:44:06.742 --> 00:44:07.737
Like I know the answer.

00:44:07.817 --> 00:44:12.347
You're right, you idiots, I'll tell you what else I do.

00:44:12.347 --> 00:44:14.543
So when I do my early morning.

00:44:14.543 --> 00:44:15.760
Now you want some woo-woo stuff.

00:44:15.760 --> 00:44:20.019
I'll give you some woo-woo stuff when I do my Wim Hof stuff.

00:44:20.019 --> 00:44:26.105
When I get done, I simply ask the universe for guidance for the day.

00:44:26.105 --> 00:44:40.523
And I'm telling you what man, I don't know what Jedi mind trick that is or what happens, but every single day something happens that answers that Right, that I'm having some problem or having something.

00:44:40.523 --> 00:44:47.038
And maybe it's just because in the morning I'm framing my mind to become aware and look out for those things.

00:44:47.038 --> 00:44:54.003
But that combination of going through the three rounds of Wim Hof now my body's like primed right.

00:44:54.003 --> 00:45:06.920
It's highly oxygenated, I'm feeling good, and then I just take some time, I just think to myself, I ask for guidance for the day and then I go about my day that's been like a life-changing recipe for success for me.

00:45:06.920 --> 00:45:07.757
It really has.

00:45:08.896 --> 00:45:10.681
Yeah, I think there's definitely something to that.

00:45:10.681 --> 00:45:18.240
Right, braining it, putting it out there, your brain is like flooded with oxygen, it's going, it's firing.

00:45:18.240 --> 00:45:19.440
Right, your whole body's firing.

00:45:19.440 --> 00:45:27.965
Now you went through the breathing thing, so I think, right, there's some focus there, right, and you put it out to the universe to be able to see it.

00:45:27.965 --> 00:45:29.699
I like that.

00:45:29.699 --> 00:45:38.715
I think it's not hard to do, right, the three rounds of breathing or I can't remember it's a few minutes right, of breathing.

00:45:38.715 --> 00:45:46.360
So that whole thing, so three rounds takes me it's like nine minutes and then, like that whole protocol, I have it down to science it's like 12 minutes long.

00:45:46.360 --> 00:45:53.663
So by the time I'm done the breathing, by the time I take some time to just kind of think to myself, and then it's 12 minutes, I'm done.

00:45:55.135 --> 00:45:55.556
Everybody.

00:45:55.556 --> 00:45:56.760
You've got 12 minutes.

00:45:56.760 --> 00:46:00.322
I promise, just get rid of this thing, the phone.

00:46:00.322 --> 00:46:06.402
Just get rid of your phone for 12 minutes at a downtime and then do these other things instead.

00:46:06.402 --> 00:46:08.581
That will benefit your wellness.

00:46:08.581 --> 00:46:10.498
Yeah, absolutely.

00:46:10.498 --> 00:46:17.505
Where can people find you and follow you and get some more tips from Dr Reed?

00:46:18.275 --> 00:46:18.838
Yeah, thank you.

00:46:18.838 --> 00:46:24.347
Yeah, linkedin has been my best social media platform, if you will.

00:46:24.347 --> 00:46:27.864
So you can just look me up, Jean Reed, phd, on LinkedIn.

00:46:27.864 --> 00:46:31.985
You can visit my website at isreadsolutionsllccom.

00:46:33.036 --> 00:46:34.141
And here's what I tell people.

00:46:34.141 --> 00:46:38.925
You know I'm very definitive in what I'm good at, if you will right.

00:46:38.925 --> 00:46:46.800
So emotional intelligence, stress management and resilience and overall self-development those are my three key areas.

00:46:46.800 --> 00:46:52.438
So if that's what you are looking for in your organization you think that would benefit you then I'm your guy.

00:46:52.438 --> 00:46:56.239
If you want something else, go find somebody else, because I'm not your guy.

00:46:56.239 --> 00:46:59.902
And then I'm telling you so I've had a lot of success.

00:47:00.695 --> 00:47:03.184
Right, I will go speak for an organization.

00:47:03.184 --> 00:47:05.342
We'll do a full day training on emotional intelligence.

00:47:05.342 --> 00:47:06.476
It's great.

00:47:06.476 --> 00:47:17.822
Everybody gets fired up, they're hyped up, and then I always just tell them like all right, give it a week, okay, when you forget all of this information, now we can really start the work, right?

00:47:17.822 --> 00:47:30.077
All I do is I come in and I just give you a little bit of a spark, and then I have a followup program where I work with organizations for three to four months on a more personal basis, right, and then there's different exercises I put people through.

00:47:30.137 --> 00:47:46.905
But that's really, I'm telling you right now, just seeing somebody speak for one day, it's all it's gonna do is give you a spark, but it's gonna take some time right to kind of really change an organization's culture and really start massaging this stuff into place.

00:47:46.905 --> 00:47:51.664
And listen, I think emotional intelligence is one of the best frameworks out there.

00:47:51.664 --> 00:47:57.400
I really truly do Self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship management.

00:47:57.400 --> 00:48:03.480
I would argue you're not gonna find anything more succinct for most of the things you're gonna experience in life.

00:48:03.480 --> 00:48:09.099
So again, yeah, you can find me on my website, linkedin, and I really wanna thank you, jerry.

00:48:09.099 --> 00:48:09.782
This was great man.

00:48:09.782 --> 00:48:11.070
I really wanna thank you for having me on.

00:48:11.474 --> 00:48:13.322
Yeah, no, this is a great, great conversation.

00:48:13.322 --> 00:48:14.838
Where can people find your book?

00:48:16.275 --> 00:48:16.635
Amazon.

00:48:16.635 --> 00:48:20.184
Yeah, so police leadership redefined the EQ Advantage.

00:48:20.184 --> 00:48:23.262
That's on Amazon, so you can get a copy there.

00:48:23.262 --> 00:48:24.940
It's $9.99, super cheap.

00:48:24.940 --> 00:48:26.784
Just buy it and that's it.

00:48:28.514 --> 00:48:31.119
Buy it and then follow you for some more in-depth tips.

00:48:31.119 --> 00:48:32.364
Yes, correct.

00:48:32.364 --> 00:48:35.121
Well, thank you so much for being on today.

00:48:35.121 --> 00:48:38.425
I really love the conversation about emotional intelligence.

00:48:38.425 --> 00:48:47.047
I think that is gonna be a game changer moving into the future of wellness for first responders.

00:48:48.275 --> 00:48:49.018
Yeah, thanks, jerry.

00:48:49.018 --> 00:48:49.840
I appreciate that man.

00:48:50.222 --> 00:48:50.382
Yeah.

00:48:51.894 --> 00:48:53.079
Thanks again for listening.

00:48:53.079 --> 00:48:57.961
Don't forget to rate and review the show wherever you access your podcast.

00:48:57.961 --> 00:49:24.474
If you know someone that would be great on the show, please get ahold of our host, jerry Dean Lund, through the Instagram handles at Jerry Fire and Fuel or at EnduringTheBadge Podcast, also by visiting the show's website, enduringthebadgepodcastcom, for additional methods of contact and up-to-date information regarding the show.

00:49:24.474 --> 00:49:34.878
Remember, the views and opinions expressed during the show solely represent those of our hosts and the current episode's guests.

Gene Reid Profile Photo

Gene Reid

Self-Development Coach | Professional Speaker | Author | Police Officer

With a wealth of experience exceeding 15 years, Gene is a seasoned police officer who has demonstrated his skillset in various areas of policing, including investigative tasks, administrative duties, and supervision. His extensive experience has afforded him a comprehensive understanding of the complexities within the realm of law enforcement.

As the author of Police Leadership Redefined: The EQ Advantage, and founder of Reid Solutions, LLC, Gene is on a mission to empower others with information so they can elevate their own existence and excel in anything they choose. At Reid Solutions, LLC, Gene hosts The Science of Self-Development podcast and provides executive coaching as well training to organizations looking to enhance their leadership development.

Gene holds a Doctorate in Criminal Justice, where his academic focus centers on resilience and stress management, shedding light on the psychological challenges faced by individuals in the field of law enforcement. This academic pursuit reflects his commitment to enhancing the well-being of fellow officers and contributing to the advancement of the criminal justice profession.

In addition to his doctoral achievements, Gene possesses a Master's degree in Education, showcasing his dedication to continuous learning and the development of skills beyond the traditional scope of law enforcement. His educational background also includes a Bachelor's degree in Public Safety Administration, providing a solid foundation for his multifaceted career.

Beyond his professional endeavors, Ge… Read More